Should I be concerned? The past few days have been focused on relationship paranoia. Focused on others and others reactions towards me. Specifically, how X would react to my approach/question, the matter of making good friends, and my standing within gossip.
My standing within gossip meaning I posed hard questions to X and X and the lot. In the personal I derive a sense of satisfaction standing up for what I believe in, believing that this is a valid choice. Believing that in considering all the people in that group, it was a valid choice to pose hard questions to them. In the interpersonal there is bound to be a consequence; people are digging for shit about me. X seems rather cool about it, X actually called me to ask me to explain my words on Facebook and any internal affairs in my heart. In the universal, nothing changes except my interpersonal relationships worsen, my credibility is challenged, and people seem to keep a distance away from me now, both physically and verbally. Not that there was never a distance, the distance being only speaking about acceptable things, it’s just that the distance gap widened both physically and verbally.
The Problem is that I am destablizing relationships that need not be destablized, as it is not even done in fact for the ‘greater good’. The solution to do stuff for the ‘greater good’ would be to change myself and remain silent until I get the point, and constantly refrain from being that point of challenging other’s realities/worlds.
The Solution is to, like in the money system, make a standing for myself in society/people’s minds, and gently prod myself in the right direction. It’s no use disagreeing with money and refusing to use it when it is the currency of the day; it’s no use disagreeing with gossip and refusing to hear it when it is the collective creation of many people together, individually and collectively agreeing that intimacy is in speaking of the worst in people and chuckling about it.
The Reward is I become more practical and live the words, use what is here to make the world best for all. It’s my problem when I cannot stand to hear any more gossip about my friends.