These days my preoccupations include:
– giving up the fight between good and evil
I need to stop furrowing my brow as a reflection of my contempt for that which I deem evil. One thing I’ve realized is that ALL is a reflection of what each accepts and allows, and my responsibility and safe action is to only care about what I am accepting and allowing, sorting out that part first.
Wanting to ‘save others’ from their existence as accepted and allowed egotistical behaviour tend to backfire as it ends up being judgments of that person, which translates into self judgment. In other words, I confuse my own process of self investigation trying to save others. I delve into the stupid action of participating in imagined scenes of that person, imagining how I might save them, how I would feel doing so, ego boost, participate in ‘layers’ of judgments against that person which even includes me, because my judgments exist in my mind, they reflect the kind of character I am accepting and allowing.
So, I need to walk backwards back to the state of being a child, from the perspective that a child does not judge what is seen/observed, and rather only takes care of himself. One focus and that is on what am *I* accepting and allowing in this moment Here. This way I am optimizing my process of becoming the best human being, that disciplines and dedicates himself to the outcome that is best for all in the Physical.
And ‘pressing down on people through the uncarved block’ as Lao Tzu suggests in Tao Te Ching, I found basically means remaining natural. Natural meaning focusing only on myself as my acceptances and allowances, and trusting the honesty of the other person to reflect on his/her actions while standing as a reminder of what Life is worth. Standing as Life meaning being the change, taking the chance/risk of not daring to take coercive action on the other person, leaving/trusting the other person to have the intelligence and whatnot to eventually succeed in grasping what is important in life, which includes obsviously giving what you would like to receive, treating your neighbour as yourself, that in the Physical you reap what you sow. You are bound to be caught and be revealed in all that you are, the words you live out, because nothing can hide in this physical reality. To simplify with an analogy, pressing with the uncarved block is akin to enacting violence on your dog, and while the dog understands that he is no match for your physical strength, concedes to your violence but standing within/as that which cannot be taken away from him – the words the dog is living, never harming life in all forms, remaining as an example of what Life can be for all life especially humans – and then – the point – the ill feeling you get as the dog innocently gazes at you while being hurt, I’m referring to that kind of self reflection and self honesty that happens through you not doing anything but standing as an example of what is important in life.
– pondering the female existence and concluding that it is also fickle as the male existence
For awhile I have demonized males and worshipped females – polarity. Yesterday it occurred to me: most gossip originates from females, that are lies and deception/opinions. That creates in a very practical sense much internal conflict in all involved and turns the wheel of thinking/imagining innumerable amounts of times. Unnecessary conflict if all were direct and straightforward in their communication, and decided to discipline themselves to upholding outcomes that are best for all life/all involved at the very least. The assumption that one has to lie and cheat to put bread on the table is bullshit, simply because EVERYONE that has worked in a team realizes what is value is everything but lying and cheating; value is in nurturing each other to be the best version of themselves..
So females are equally responsible as I am as a male for the current world status. All, especially me, are characters not up or ready for the task of aligning the world to what is best for all – a hefty task, to say the least, but the point is females and males, in practice all the personalities I observe of males and females, are not up to snuff. Not innocent, all have backchat and forms of lying and cheating that if revealed for example in writing, would render one’s cheeks redder than a roaring flame. What I need to grasp however is to not prostitute myself to an idea of females that they are the key to integrity practiced.
– money as what to spend my money on
So far, seeing the way I am sending my money to hell, my money/self movement in money is insufficient in creating any possibility for change in this world. As one life that has to pass the proverbial torch to younger life, I see those that are older than me spending essentially in the same way I am spending my money = self gratification, and if reality were the physical state of every human being on the planet, I certainly would go to hell for simply spending money on myself alone. More important, I would regret not doing anything for people in physical and mental distress because that could have been me in another life.
So I ask myself the question, do I want to spend my life like those older than me, spending decades of my limited life on the same self gratification meanwhile accruing the sin of not loving my neighbour? Honestly I don’t want to, it’s kind of boring morality aside. My fingers can count the number of physical possessions and experiences to gratify myself, yet all not meaning jack shit. I’ve found what is important once physical needs are met are the words I am living, am I living care in practical way, compassion in practice. Because I obviously won’t be judged by the physical possessions or experiences I have on Earth – I left that all behind when I die – I would be judged on who I am, WHAT I AM as the words I am living. And like the ill feeling slapping the dog, I will probably judge myself the most realizing that basically, as one life I was abusing myself as other human lives.
– sex as masturbation
– relationships as the people I’ve met and know by name, exercising the ‘judge’ character and practicing to be a “good judge of character”
This is a sneaky feeling and a sneaky personality that is easy to get lost into. The ‘I must practice to be a good judge of character to survive and I am a good judge of character right?’ character.
I come across this character while trying to sleep, and not being able to because I drank tea at night. Honestly, it’s gratifying to review other people’s faults because first, it draws away attention from your own faults, two, you simulate in your mind being a kind of god that is the gatekeeper that measures your merits and sins when you die, three, you exercise your right to your own opinion in a real way by exercising your taste in things. Forget about your taste being a product of your upbringing and environment purely, it’s yours and it feels good to see when others validate your taste by being the same, and it feels equally good to see when others are not to your taste.
So what to take away from this is refrain from thinking about what other people are, rather care about what you are.