Waking up, I remember a dream I was having. It had to do with my phone, and how it got hacked leaving me helpless to reply on WhatsApp and use my phone in general. I found someone to fix it, but he had a condition that you cannot misuse the fix by stealing other people’s Internet. I was skeptical but my friend was beside me, listening and to him, Purvin, the fix seemed legitimate. So I applied the fix, and shortly after I was again barred from my phone because I violated the conditions.
My phone is the primary means with which I communicate with people these days, so I see my phone being hacked as my communication, i.e. my messages, to be misconstrued and distorted by others. Leaving me without a voice to clearly say what I mean. So I am like mute, while my conversations on WhatsApp, i.e. my communication with people, are done for me by replying automatically by some other entity. So it’s like the average communication I have with people is misinterpreted and distorted in people’s minds.
Someone having a fix for me, is like EQAFE/Desteni/Bernard Poolman, giving me the answer, with the condition that I should not abuse Life with this newfound power so to speak. Superpower, that I have been seeking for a long time. I was skeptical but a friend that I trust to be sound in technical expertise (Purvin), said it was good, so in that trust of another’s opinions I ‘went for it’, and followed let’s say, the masses opinion into what I live. Instead of investigating myself and coming to my own conclusion.
Violating the conditions for one person’s kindness in giving me a fix, I fall into despair as my communication becomes filtered yet again. And I violate those conditions naturally, as a matter of breathing, using my phone, communicating, with no sense of wrongness while I crossed someone’s line. So this is like reminding me of how wrong people are about life decisions I must make, and that I must trust my body and my self honesty. How I have the pattern of trusting other’s unverified opinions about what and how I should communicate, still sidestepping the truth that is painful for the white lie that is beautiful and easy to digest. So this dream is pointing to my tendency to rely on others for real insight, when I have been waiting for myself all along, from the perspective that if I were honest to myself, I would see things for what they are already, simplicity, direct seeing and understanding instead of faith in other’s words. Not to say demonize other’s words, but surely given that we’re lying 10 times every 10 minutes or something like that, and that the best liers lie to themselves as well, I should sort out my own deception as a first priority above trusting other’s words.
Not to say distrust and demonize other’s words, but see a lie for what it is, that it is in many times deliberate, and still treat those people and myself good as doing so, I gain in goodness.
So in advising myself inspired by this dream, I need to stop trusting and blindly in faith eating other’s words like candy. I need to slow down and look deeper into myself, into other’s words, the context/environment that the words are being placed. Otherwise I will fall back into the pattern of believing my voice is being silenced by others and that I am good and they are evil for doing so. An alternative interpretation is that since my words are filtered obviously through each person’s minds, turning the fact of my words into opinions (the words I speak that are facts), I should place a stricter guard before my mouth/spoken word. Otherwise I end up compromising deliberately myself by making myself into a rat that rat people out and again fall into the illusion that I am apparently being silenced. When actually, I am compromising myself by loosely guiding my words and callously stepping on other’s tails, when I have the ability and choice to be more aware of others as be more aware of myself that I am defined by the relationships I have in this world, not just my body outline.
– place a guard/consideration before the words I speak aloud
– realise that no one can censor the words I am living that speak the loudest, that in every moment I am being accounted for and indeed, in deeds, I am being measured by myself as others in every moment.
– process is not only the moment that I write, it is every living moment even while working
– writing is the moment I place a further consideration of myself looking for self correction in the light of self perfection, so while the bad of myself is bad, it is the raw material for the good of myself, so not to value one or the other, i.e. not to value the majority of moments I am sinning, nor to deify the moment I correct myself, take it as a whole