Lately I’ve been on a very lucky streak realizing that I have to live self forgiveness and practice it in every breath. So what I have been practicing is breathing slowly and using that time to assess myself to be either 1 or +1 or -1. Because anything either than 1 ruins the relationship I have with my physical environment which includes the words that others live and especially my own reactions to those words, spoken or lived. It has to be me plus my environment to equal two equals in relationship with each other with neither harming the other. Re-reading Tao Te Ching, I keep asking myself how can I live this and it boils down to doing self forgiveness, implying taking back self responsibility, obviously honest to myself about what is running through my mind.
Examples: Gossiping. Looking at the appearance of a person and imagining what kind of character stereotype they may be, what backstory. Imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship with an attractive person. Badmouthing another in my mind while listening to that person speak. Imagining what the boss would do if I didn’t do this task at hand with a pile of other tasks I need to do related to my boss. Even gossiping about the lack of things to gossip about, for example “How superior I am I have nothing coming up in my mind that is proof that I am a sinner, I am done with this process”. “Investigating” the possible meanings/implications of what X said in this moment in this context and how it may harm me or benefit me.
So the +1/1/-1 checkup in every breath you take is very practical to stop entertaining these rather automated and riveting inner conversations. Ignorance and knowing are a polarity, and it’s important to note that both are potentials in oneself that in their potency do not harm you provided, that you are willing to forgive yourself in the understanding that knowing tend to be preconceptions, and ignorance is freedom from preconceptions, leaving one with the painful truth.
But this is only dealing with your conscious thoughts and not accumulating further consequences from mistakes/nastiness/spitefulness just made. This is not enough. They will repeat nonstop daily until I stop worrying about how many sins I’ve committed. Until I understand the consequences of continuing to participate in such characters and personalities.