Day 410: Confessions of a Stoic or a Modern Day Cool Guy

The stoic. The kind of person that holds his chin high, his brows furrowed in deep conflict, deep self reflection, a statue in the most positive sense of the word. In the long face he pulls, he is distraught with the big question of how to be compassionate in the most practical sense with obviously no teachers teaching such curriculum. He wants to be compassionate, he longs to be worldly and wise, but reality in the mind shows no signs of teaching him such crafts. So in his ignorance wields anger against himself and others in an attempt to not lose the faith in himself that he wants to be good and wise, though is not, and ends up controlling his reality through generating anger within himself.

Whenever challenged in the games he plays with men, anger! Fear crops up, about what if he made the wrong decision to support a friend, what if he himself is exposed to be playing mind games with only himself being entertained, what if the mind games do not apply to the one he’s with so like a child fiddling with a remote that does not control the car as the other, yet in the belief that this remote/mind game controls the car/other. The embarassment akin to a girl’s bra being taken off in public, the shame, the humiliation leads to no choice but to anger as a way to lull himself back to sleep, back from self exposure, afraid of self expression. Because self expression in a real sense will involve and include others in his consideration, and not just his own assumptions and convictions. In fact, his assumptions and convictions become nonexistent if he ever involved and included others in his considerations – but that will mean I do not exist! I will not have a mind, I will not have cool insights to share, I will have no symbology etched into my existence designed to attract and persuade others to give me benefit first.

I will not have the swagger, the attitude oozing from my physicality to match with the material objects I obsess over, fatness I Obsess over, so that not only do I have money, but the symbolic existential frequency or ‘vibe’ to attract people to me! I gamble away my existence for the chance of being the alpha male as the stoic. What is this petty game but chance as I blindly follow the faith my fathers followed to their deaths. The sins of the fathers has been visited upon me!

The dichotomy is that I once tried to do good for others, only to mislead myself into serving only myself.  In the beginning, the very beginning, I had no such thing as experience, I had no such thing as memories – the kind to enact revenge on people while the memories trigger embarrassment, shame, humiliation which transform into anger, jealousy, resentment, comparison, lying.  I have but one chance, and this chance is my lifespan though unpredictable, in terms of the history of the universe, a split second.  Do I have time to postpone? Yes.  Will I end?  Yes.  What is the value of being cool when I leave nothing but the spitefulness and anger that has occupied man’s minds for eternity to younger ones, is that cool?  To mentally deprecate the minds of future generations?

You may think so but I don’t.

So why postpone the inevitable that such illusions, however convincing, are convicted by their convictions.  Have a look – inside the mind of the stoic, is but another version of greed manifested, the greed of wanting to be virtuous.  Is but a maze of assumptions that only hold power over you if you do not see.  Do you see?  Would you care if someone did not keep their promise of recommending delicious eats, would you think badly of them for doing that?  Does that make them shameful, unsightly, and humiliating to be associated with that human?  Or does that mean they made a mistake and can try again to find something better.  Self forgiveness. Self honesty. Common sense.  This is what we do within the group called Desteni.  Surely a universally beneficial cult for all, young and old?  The young needing to forgive themselves for thinking there is something wrong with them and that they must accumulate experiences and experience and memories to feel good about themselves.  The old for what they have already done to the young and are doing to both old and young.  You know.




About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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