For the past days, I’ve been writing. And building up this momentum getting in the groove of what I am supposed to do in this life. Then today hits me in the face with a sleepless night.
I am pleased that I am still applying myself in breathing. I am not pleased that there is still some kind of point that I am missing which is determining my experience of heaviness. It’s definitely not due to physical exertion. In comparison to others, I motivate myself to do more, better, faster, stronger. In fact I am always competing with others.
The funk I am experiencing subsided the moment I Realized that I am in a constant state of comparison with others, and lately have been comparing myself as inferior because I have not taken responsibility for all as one and equal. Currently a goal that is rather out of reach, but to at least take responsibility for the humankind part is good enough. Again I have beared the fruit of my own lifelong desire to be virtuous, and in doing everything I can to be so, only to see how much more I am lacking, I justify this heaviness. What is a solution onto infinity for this greed?