I’m starting to get the hang of stopping my top 3 main characters that I participate in, in real time breath. As a consequence I’m finally getting some self movement in this house called me. I’m starting to realize what this physical reality is all about, and it’s something close to Oneness and Equality more than Dictatorship. It’s like my wants and ideals are dated artifacts that long expired in its usefulness, meanwhile I’m seeing like reality being 100% absolute use of all parts and I’m playing with this dated toy called My story or My wants/needs/desires, specifically referring to want/needs/desires based on Energy/emotion/feeling. Even something like feeling like I need to eat more, can be forced by the mind for the physical body to choke on. I have been eating much less and sleeping much less than before lately.
Speaking of me me me, I’m starting to get a feel of this everyone else attitude. Bernard was right: the key is to give until everyone has, which addresses their fears, then they will give as they would like to receive. It’s like everyone else is making a fool of me, but it’s not everyone else that’s making a fool of me: I have made myself a fool this whole time fooling myself into believing that I don’t know what to do in this world. I feel like a dumb ass. Dumb and an ass. To my neighbour. Be content, and do not be desirable or covetous. That’s what Lao Tzu wrote in one section in a nutshell. That’s like key, because life already exists inside me, I have not accessed this life: that’s like the story with my cello. I am angry at my cello but at a loss as to what to do with my unfounded anger at myself. For missing it all, that has been right here. Not waiting for me, not proving itself, but kind of waiting for me to realize it’s here.
Speaking back to living life and getting some breath back into your life, some breathing space into your life, I recommend self forgiveness. Because what’s inhibiting you having that gasp of fresh air all the time is yourself. You must forgive yourself for what you have done onto yourself. You must understand how your mind works! How energy works! How deception works! How you missed it all because of a dated toy called the mind and energy, love, the religion of Self.