This is a response to a post in the Destonians – Guardians of the Universe facebook group.
What moved you to start your process to birth yourself as Life from the physical?
Anger. And greed. I was angry at myself for the emotional states I placed myself in and my lack of effectiveness, for lack of a better phrase. I like to think that everyone knows we have to face ourselves someday, and I just…was angry enough to want to actually do this for myself. Face myself. What better way to face yourself than through writing the bullshit out with the motivation (I’m using words people can relate to here) of really being honest with yourself about what has been going on inside that ugly mind. Thanks to that anger and the sense of profoundness I met as Desteni, the Desteni material, that asked and seriously answered existential questions, Bernard Poolman and his message, not really him as I never met him, I kept going at it. Thanks to Desteni, I am back to being able to breathe comfortable and with fulfillment as I write this blog.
Greed, if you read Bernard Poolman’s stuff you’ll know what I mean. Just being that breath of fresh air for someone and yourself is fucking cool. He was the one that breathed new life into my decrepit self.
What has kept you going?
Myself, lol what else. That part of me that is curious about that engine room that drives my choices and decisions at critical moments in my life. Manifested consequence is a big motivating factor for me because once you know what you’re creating – hell – you want out and that sense of personal achievement stopping the hell in my mind is glorious. It’s not a feeling, but it’s a feeling that stays with you forever.
What trials, tribulations and yes – victories – have you faced?
I wouldn’t dare call me a person that faced trials and tribulations after reading on how one person eventually became a prostitute. But the mind is crazy effective so overcoming, let’s say transcending your mind gives you that opportunity to be crazy effective yourself. Effective at listening and actually hearing other people’s messages, however deluded, without reaction. Effective at self diagnosing past memories that haunt you. Being a voice of common sense.
I don’t consider any point of my process a victory because it’s a process. The nature of self honesty is such that at every stage, you have that opportunity to be equally effective. Move through trauma and old habits like a boss as people say these days. Victory makes me complacent. That’s why I paused for a few years before writing again. So I rather take relish and find fulfilment in every moment of breath, of the actual self application process. But that’s still not a victory in my book.