Man I’ve been spooked. I went to the geriatric ward of a hospital and I was spooked. Only imagining being one of them makes me shudder. That’s why I need to get moving, at the same time not move at all, because I don’t know what’s ‘out there’ in the Physical. Therefore I require sticking to the basics of breathing and finding out what’s happening outside, to get an idea of what is happening inside me. You heard of the phrase, “The world is your mirror”, no?
For example, just walking outside I’m spooked by what I am not considering that is in fact outside; for example the shady characters that really exist and the unspoken rules of conduct in a world of gangs. I see that I am the danger in this scenario; poking and prodding people figuratively speaking, and making sure I don’t participate in reactions towards my environment at all times. Because whether I like or not, it’s a decision I’m making every moment I breathe = to react or not. And so far, I have not ‘given into’ emotions and feelings yet.
Another example: the chatty voices of the people in the house, because I went to the geriatric ward with them. At one point I was thinking to myself, “I feel so cramped with all these voices constantly yelling”, but then I also caught the point that I’m responsible for this cramped feeling. That is something I need to take responsibility for and stop. So liking what I disliked, I placed myself in the middle of them, and I breathed. I found out that this feeling can change as I was changing, identifying those beliefs and forgiving and manifesting the forgiveness by relaxing the tension in my muscles. I said to myself, “okay, but these people have rules of conduct that I am not privy to, that they will judge me accordingly through those rules, and I will be poorer for it.”
This is when I couldn’t do 1 + 1 = 2. Owning up to my own accepted and allowed ignorance is an excellent start. Addressing the fears of being poorer, all those manifested consequences that I know I’m giving to myself through inaction for lack of a better word. Understanding that I’m quite safe, nothing’s going to happen walking outside, I’m finding out parts of myself that I’ve suppressed, ignored out of the belief that I don’t know what to do about it. Sexuality is a big part of walking outside. Sorry I’m so blunt.
Overall I’m getting the feedback that I’m not moving myself enough in breath. I need to “actively introspect” while the body tensions come up seemingly out of nowhere, meaning it’s a habit. Thanks for reading.