I’m struggling to make sense of physicality. Everything is so perfect, balanced, and nurturing that I’m struggling to put 1 + 1 together. After my charade in emotions/feelings spanning my teenage years, I’m thankfully back to physicality and honouring that. But the same question looms over me as it did when I was young: what to make of it.
Savouring the tasteless as Lao Tzu wrote. In an example, I’m just hearing background noise and struggling to find any sense of direction within it. I guess it’s part of the whole idea that one must sacrifice oneself for the direction one must take to survive in the world. I can see that I’m not valuing myself as I’m supposed to, I’m just waiting for the next big thing that will propel me into the “right direction”. Kind of looking for a distraction to avoid facing myself, looking for that point to be righteous in and forget about myself in a way. I know I’m supposed to face myself instead of blinding myself with direction. Since not having conflict by my side to ‘guide’ me it’s been difficult.
Maybe the answer so to speak is too simple for my liking. Indicating a preference toward complicated answers giving me a complicated but ‘layered’ ‘complex’ experience. I’m an experience addict.
So what to do…. Breathing is important. It indicate my dedication to listen to what reality has to say. Hmmmm…..