I made a slip up that wasn’t a slip up. I was talking with X when she remarked, “Kids these days aren’t so easy to teach.” To which I replied, “You’re lucky if you can teach them given now’s a chance to.” X:”What do you mean by that?”
I happen to think friendships are not friendships without sharing each other’s life goals and what one actually thinks about ideas, circumstances, people. I probably fucked up but I quickly disregarded my mistake and said to myself, “Fuck it, it’s done.” I don’t believe friendships can be created only sharing our frivolous decisions and actions of frivolous consequence. So I took the initiative to see if this relationship can be something supportive, me obviously being the support asking nothing in return.
This is how I saw myself supporting X in that moment. I remarked that in this moment of time, she had a chance, implying that she should take the chance to educate her child and foster a suitable attitude towards the world system that is a relationship for life. Because having been someone’s child, and witnessing the behaviour of those around me, no one is told to an equal understanding of how we should relate to the world system, and in essence our relationship with the world system dictates our future.
After some deliberation, I weakly replied, “Sometimes your child won’t allow you to teach them (about how to relate to the world in general).” To which I received a weak nod.
I wonder sometimes what part of me is the charlatan that everyone loathes to associate with, because I thought I heard X mutter, “fake and deluded idealist”. To which I obviously believe she was referring to me. I’m not even trying to teach X what to do, I’m merely pointing out that she should do something about it. Specifically, she should take directive principle of her child’s general attitude towards life and guide it to a self supportive, realistic attitude. I immediately ask myself, “Is X ready to educate her child herself given her history and background?” To which I throw up my arms and say to myself, “I don’t know!”
Having been a child, I’m nervous of how parents teach or not teach their children these days. Have you heard the statement, our children are our future, well I see it as how we accept and allow children to form a dysfunctional relationship with the world system, then grow up to be adults, and we’re fucking old, and we’re dependent on these past young ones to run our society. As one participant in the world system, I can attest to how easy it is to be hypnotized by a dream of a better more possibilities future. Call it good intentions pave the road to hell, or hope in short. I’m fucking scared shitless and this is a real fear, I WILL get old enough to not be able to take care of myself. I won’t call myself educated but I had to get to a realistic relationship with the world system the hard way, and it’s not a path I wish for anyone to walk.
So it seems I’m very much standing by my words as they are, but I’m afraid X will loathe me for it. Well take away the fear and I see I’m standing by my words. Until they prove me wrong. Which I take extreme measures to make sure that my words aren’t wrong.
Anyways, the EQAFE reviews are taking time because I need to listen to them before I review them, and I worked part time today.