Point of motivation. Purpose. Purpose is the kind of thing that is a reflection of who you are exactly, so it varies wildly from one person to the next. What I’m saying is purpose is something I can only define for myself, and there is no such thing as a cross reference or comparison that can ever be made between two people. Motivation is a tricky thing that often is misinterpreted as the charge or build up of emotions and feelings, requiring an inner form of self talk and self justification.
What I’m concerned about my purpose and motivation is it’s nothing I ever expected it to be: a wall that one can lean on, an uplifting force to do good, a warm embrace. At the moment my motivation and purpose is as substantial and as little as my breathing in and breathing out. For whatever reason, I’m in this physical reality on Earth, and suicide as I’m told is not the pleasant option that it seems to be. As human I’m responsible for myself and I have the option of expanding that responsibiility extending it to others. When I’m dead, I no longer have a human physical body to constrain responsibility and my responsibility is towards existence. Everything I have ever done faced from the absolute perspective of my responsibility to existence if I die right here, right now.
Purpose is, in a certain way, a whimsical thing that can change according to age, circumstances, and experiences. For the purposes of no longer wasting my own time as I did postponing defining this lifelong purpose for myself, I would like to set my purpose on one direction and commit to that the rest of my life. I’ve set my sights on something really big, that’s to affect the human world to change to stop incrementally sidestepping change and actually change. For that purpose I’ve decided to become a teacher, but again my definition of a teacher is rather big. I want to be a teacher on the world stage, and all that is certain is how I’ve essentially taught myself to live in ways that are best for all Life. So such a purpose and motivation seem unmovable, but fragile at the same time. Because when observing one’s effect in one’s own world compared to what requires to be done according to my own purpose, everything can seem a little meaningless and paltry at times. What seems unmovable about this purpose is the world is finite, and I’m setting the goal to influence a finite amount of people, so technically it’s possible. It’s unmovable because it’s a finite goal. But you bet I have some goals in between this ultimate purpose.
That’s to live what is best for all in every way for every moment of my life until I die, and probably beyond death. So with that goal in mind, my world is the perfect place to begin experimenting and applying what I’ve been taught and taught myself. Every interaction with people and the environment becomes relevant and having real impact on who and what I am. I am able to measure my goodness on a case-by-case basis, and I have the tools to affect permanent change within myself.
So with such a fragile thing like purpose and motivation, I’m living my life writing my book of life according to how I see fit. But it doesn’t mean I’m not underwhelmed by this sense of purpose. Like I said it’s a breath in and a breath out.