Writing was something I avoided when I was growing up. I grew up in a Montesorri school, so in that system you have absolute free choice to choose whatever interests you. I never chose writing. But fast forward say 13 to 14 years, I was suggested to write by Bella Bargilly on the Desteni forums. And the message of Desteni focuses on writing, self honesty, and self forgiveness as the daily tools to disentangle myself from any experiences and disagreements I may possibly have with the way I am. Writing self honestly, so writing with the specific aim of getting to the bottom of things, seeing what I have accepted as truth, introduces me to a world that I always knew its existence, but always only knew about it. I never sought to apply what I knew about the existence of my mind, of inner voices and emotions and feelings, until while I was just researching about a guy called Anu, I stumbled on a Desteni video. How the Portal interviews words things and how Bernard words common sense, was the breath of fresh air that I was searching for. Back then I used to compound the underlying feeling of something not being right in reality, in spite of all the beauty and peacefulness of it. I within myself was very quickly not a peaceful existence. Like any human, I had an early introduction to self interest, and a very impactful meeting with emotions and feelings, that for a time I veered off onto the path of self interest without realizing it. By the time I started investigating Desteni, I was fed up with having all these desires, with all these fears, both pulling at me resulting in a period of inaction and submission. But I’ve always been enamoured with the idea of morality and what is right and what is good, turns out the Desteni message permanently realigned my moral compass to what it should be. What do I have to be grateful for a charlatan message like Desteni? It gave me the confidence and the renewed self trust and self respect to consider what is good and right again, and suggested possible visions of what can be good and what can be right. From the self trust I developed single handedly through writing, self forgiveness, and self honesty, I discovered what is eternally good, and eternally right. That has implications, it changes how you view yourself of when you see yourself doing something right, and changes the base parameters of how you view your words and deeds as either good or bad.
I did nothing bad, but I was a bad person. Can you imagine! I, who was born from obscurity and led the most peaceful life transitioning from kindergarten, to grade school, to high school, was the scum of society. I can’t imagine how people would view themselves if they were one of the ones that deliberately and actively pursued their own self interest. Yeah the money you make is making you out to be a good person now, but wait for that self honesty when you die and lose the consciousness that allows you to be comfortable in your ignorance. That’s what I would call the horror of horrors, the nightmares of nightmares. But I discovered the truth of who and what I am, wholeheartedly disagreed with it, walked the process of breakdown and breakthrough, and here I am. You won’t believe the gifts in disguise your weaknesses and evilness are hiding, if you have the guts to own up to your words and deeds, every single one of them as they are occuring daily, you allow yourself access to a degree of self respect and self confidence that you couldn’t gain in any other way.
The benefits of exposing yourself literally on the Internet is tremendous. You get to a permanent solution to the procrastination and laziness that you are, you ban secrets in you leading you to be able to trust yourself again, and trust yourself with others, you can’t possibly state the same one or two excuses over and over and over again to remain the same, society’s eye on you through the Internet keeps you in line where otherwise, you would have just left it at that and let yourself make the same mistake or keep the same limitation.
I look at all of you that are scared to even think about writing yourself out daily, and I think you’re missing out. You miss out on yourself when you choose not to specify your inner world to understand why you do things the way you do. If you think thinking about it in your head is enough specificity, I would say not because you’re not changing in spite of it. I mean doesn’t everyone have parts of themselves that they would like to permanently change, that we inside ourselves know compromises us?