In terms of temper, I am one to suppress until it gets really bad then erupt. But fascinatingly, just breathing through the whole ordeal is effective, and really stops the energetic charge associated with the event or person. But breathing separated from actually looking at the backchat honestly and witnessing how specific I can be in terms of a trigger for anger, becomes but another excuse to not change. Rather than considering extremes of action or inaction, the self application necessary to weather the inner energetic storm never ceases to excite me, the smallest of things are the triggers for the most extreme of storms, to place an axe on the root equals going to the exact specificity that your mind deals with and applying forgiveness.
My temper is closely related to my predisposition that the silent one never makes a mistake. So the pattern of anger I currently see in me is unexpectedly – as these things are – something triggers reaction in me, then I grow incredibly silent, then according to the other person’s movements I watch people very closely. I access judgment and the judgment feels like for a moment, I latch onto the person’s every move, absolutely reliant like leaning my beingness onto the other, and I can feel how a person’s movement and words enter me. Not saying that other’s movements affect me, but there’s an admission that I am not separate standing on a higher place within myself, the other person’s actions are real and cannot be ignored. At that point I’m searching within myself while the other person moves and speaks, will those words he just spoke incite something I did not realize existed within me, that was not part of my definition of awareness? Is there a wild factor within me that I gave free reign over my emotional state like whispering to me exactly how I should act? Here I’m faced with a choice whether to do what feels right, actions that ‘come naturally’, or wait and postpone any action, or do what I imagine to be the right thing to do according to my preprogrammed definitions of right and wrong, or apply myself to be here breathing the moment and letting something unexpected happen.
You can sabotage yourself waiting and postponing action by turning a blind eye to your reaction and pretending in yourself that nothing happened. But telling yourself that “I’m giving the other a chance” or “I won’t let that unbalance me” or “I’m reacting to something that doesn’t affect how I will live”. Most times there’s no structurally best way to act. There’s only the principle of what will be best for all, that says any action connected to my past through memories emotions or feelings is allowing a very specific design to activate that I don’t know the consequence of.
The only thing that doesn’t change and is not a potential distraction or potential way to deceive myself is my breathing throughout. Forgiveness always leads to self honesty. But self honesty is not reasoning why you should act a certain way, why you should not be angry, it’s something that’s the source of the unexpected. What self honesty is can’t be explained, but the process to develop self honesty can be described.