I was talking to X when she noted that I’m still asking questions about what am I doing here, what I should be doing, and too much writing about the problem than changing myself in relationship to whatever problems that I see. It’s either this topic or how in life, you’re given free choice but there’s no free consequences, and how money and our decisions with money to back them often leads us to consequences that cannot be reversed and therefore have to be faced as a daily living experience. So this idea and how often I imagine all people make a choice, about their life about the moving parts in their life, only to find out the consequence after the choice and because of money as a system of value, not having the money to reverse what was done, having to embrace a way forward even though I may not like it.
Putting the second idea into perspective, it’s like you’re a company and you decide to make your living by introducing a new product into the local market. Let’s say it is to sell dried wild blueberries. Then you think of an idea of automating the production process with a machine and the idea seems good. But because of the startup costs you decided to go with an inferior machine manufacturer, because the other company that does it properly is too expensive. You committed money to the machine, and then it’s wrought with problems, it jams, the scale doesn’t work, the error margin is too extreme, have to pack the blueberries practically by hand measuring them on a scale before using the sealing and cutting parts of the machine. It’s an example of how ideas seem good but in implementation, are bad. You’ve already invested into this machine, and are not only reluctant to purchase a new one, you don’t have the money, where is the money supposed to come from? So a realization I had is doing things properly, having a proper operation or team or honest people, is actually really expensive compared to the economy choice, the one that gives you an operation, for the least money. In a way doing things properly as a business or anything related to moving money, requires a hefty investment. Where does this investment usually come from and how is it possible that there is money for you in the first place? Then you have the economy’s choice, that’s what I call it, because all the parts of the economy come together and equates to a flawed product, but it’s using all the mainstream most easily available resources and products to make this particular product. The economy’s choice is the most bang for your buck, it’s predictably what most people can afford, implying that products that are functional and effective are viewed by our economy to be a luxury. It’s like the blueberry machine, not everyone can actually afford the investment into one that is fully functional, it’s like the economy contradicts itself being the pioneer of progress.
But you still have to live with the choice you made, that or somehow you come up with the money to buy the proper machine. This is an example of how in life, you’re forced by time and emotions and environments to make choices, but often you make a choice and it has consequence. Then you have to embrace whatever choice you made because there’s no money to move back and this moving forward is far too romanticized. It’s like people’s wills are misused instead of asking why circumstances forced them to have this will, the will is celebrated and tacitly the economy is celebrated. The problems are not faced deliberately just because it feels better to celebrate the economy and tacitly celebrate our success in the economy. Put a cloak around what we’ve actually done with the money we hold as a form of status and power, mixing with the crowd when it’s convenient, denying the existence of a problem. This happens to be normal common behaviour according to the representatives of my group. But this normal is not normal in an absolute existential context, it’s the norms accepted by and through the economy and everyone’s vested interests. I’m finding out it’s actually quite critical that anyone distinguishes this difference between normals because that’s how you remain sane as a participant within a system with very specific demands and opinions. Either this or you’ll be confused. And worse yet, feeling good about this confusion misjudging it to be spontaneity. And we’re not talking about the people around that’s affected by your decisions.
Back to my chat with X, I think there are very few options I can take and commit to as a routine and growing cycle in terms of making a life for myself. That just means making enough money to hold your head above the water regardless of how you do it. But how I do it matters to me because I would like to live a life with no regrets so there’s preparation necessary and an action timeline and insight required. So what I should do in this life relatively short term to make possible my long term goals is kind of decided by the system. The system’s always been “pick your poison”. And in the system are obviously the most clever minds in positions of authority, kind of watching at a distance letting you squirm into your niche. Possibly thinking they know how your life will play out. How it will contort and compromise within the limitations of money. But I haven’t given up, I’m watching them as they are watching me seeing what they’ve settled for. I haven’t seen a person’s life and what they’re settling for, and think I would be satisfied with that existentially and absolutely. It’s only possible the satisfaction if you give up your inherent responsibility to each other and the Earth.