I haven’t written in awhile again. That’s because I’ve been struggling to find what inflames me with passion and allows alot of fun for me. Perhaps that flame got smothered long enough, effectively enough by a capitalist education system and cultural standards that I would naturally enforce onto myself. Really, with enough money to survive – idle the days away taking advantage of all modern conveniences – there’s no such thing as anyone coming to you and suggesting, here’s a purpose you can live. Usually that’s reserved for an education system paired with an economic system designed to be scarce, with checkpoints along the way to verify how far you’re willing to go for the continuation and cementing of the system.
The wise king and the tyrant. I see it all around me, people that have leaped in faith to money to decide what’s important in their lives, within the boundaries of what money allows to be important. I ask myself, isn’t there something more than what capitalism is offering as a deal or contract to me? Life is shrouded, life is layered, it’s in everything even the very mechanisms that put life behind interest. I’m certain there’s alot to be appreciated in the very bureaucracy that demands to be heard and bartered with layered in the education and work systems. For the majority, money is something that can only be had through taking up working for someone, something else that has its own interests at heart, and at heart finds you replaceable and not unique. Inside the walled garden of education it’s a simple thing to forget that without money, education would not exist. So imagine this: from the day you’re born you’re already connected to education, that’s connected to money, and you’re a number heading into the world on a conveyor belt of grades until university, onwards to work. And the work fad has multiplied into innumerable purposes or interests that conflict with each other and vy for dominance. Perhaps the only freedom you’re allowed is which interest you choose to fight for, but that’s ignoring the manmade fiction that money is scarce.
In this modern warring period, where companies are automatically pitted against each other because of money, what’s the way to assert what you stand for that’s not violence while being forced to serve either company? It’s also thanks to this bureaucracy that we have this period of peace and competition. But because of this gang, you’re also limited in the paths you can take because they all occupy alot of time. Verification and certification takes time. Meanwhile in the trivial and small, you’re deciding what you’re standing for as a living statement of yourself even when treated as small fry in the business world. We’re always deciding when we’re on trains poking at our phones, what we believe is right and good. We decide when we wake up and make a vow in ourselves what we’re going out to do today. When we open or close a door, chance, opportunity, we’re deciding. I think for eons of time anime, poetry, literature has been asking what’s the most important thing that bestows meaning to our own existence and continued living and the best they could do is family, serving those that are close to us. A local geographical phenomenon is what is governing and curtly ordering us what is meaningful to our lives personally.
But it’s also because we’ve succumbed to being a local geographical force of good that we’ve abdicated the more all encompassing layers of governance to politicians and government. And meanwhile money is rigged to function against us in spite of our personality and individualness, politician or worker alike. We’re very disorganized when it comes to standing up for a practical philosophical definition of money to be applied in the laws and government. Everyone has their own flavor, their own insights and formed opinions about money and how it should be channelled. We’re so disorganized that a minority internet mob can confuse us as to the goodness of a guaranteed basic income in spite of our own experiences of lack of money and how much we fear lack.
But this post was about my undecidedness about what impassions me. I’m impulsive but I can’t see within me anything consistent about my impulsiveness. I’ve been beaten down enough times that my zest for life has extinguished, and what remains is uncategorized likes. Meanwhile I’m responsible for feeding and living in this vessel.