It’s been brought to my attention that people that have a life in the system are weaker. They can’t mentally handle the shock of being at the bottom of the pile so they become willing to sacrifice everything to stay near the top.
I must admit being an outcast – in a sense – is giving me a clearer picture of the inequality than if I were pampered by the system automatically through my salary. I am only responsible for my own participation and its greater context inferring its meaning. If I don’t go far enough to change my own human nature at its core then because of the preceding designs of overriding self interest I will be totally crippled from changing the world at all, and it will be solely because I didn’t go far enough – I accepted and allowed myself to not change, so I accepted and allowed myself to be part of the reason why this world will never change at its core.
First thing that comes up about my participation is how my acceptance of love has misled me astray. Because of a very long acceptance to “unconditionally love” the personality that grants me life to this day – my mom – I haven’t been adding 1+1. All evidence totals total loss of trust in everything my mom says about me and my situation. Yet I shower her with my affection. I abuse myself by accepting and allowing her to take advantage and stay silent for awhile when I’m angry – until I automatically revert to “loving” her.
There’s this whole myth about being filial to your parents and/or elders. Evidences: only human parents brought you up to think and become greedy and jealous, parents and elders maintain an unequal system which is euphimism for abusive system (it doesn’t add up to feel the world is good because you’re on the good side of the world while geographically isolated from the brutal harsh punishment the same system employs people to do its bidding). Those people inevitably force your hand to stumble on your own confidence and idealism, to become practically fucked by locking up this world in a knot of systems to protect fickle human nature. They accept and allow all forms of psychological torture euphimized as “world experience” to align your conclusions to theirs. These people run Google and censor search results so you never get accurate information, just the same hard sell from infinitely slightly different angles.