I look back at the path and journey to Life I had walked, and notice how convoluted and confusing living will become if I attach past memories and issues to present moments of day-to-day living. I just need to hold a reaction every other moment and very soon – chaos and inner conflict will become the primary default state, which is obviously not healthy, what is more healthy is a deep silent relationship with physicality and my physical body in comfortability and relaxation with a depth, in this depth an assiduous directive to give space for the dust/reactions to settle and look deeply with clarity and directive principle.
I cannot open myself up to new things if my decision is to shelter in a comfort zone of aloneness and non-participation in groups. Meeting things halfway as if for the first time, with a beginner’s mind, allows for the unexpected to flow and to deeply see myself with clarity in the face of unknown, i.e. unexpected circumstances to bring forth the patterns and systems I require disassembling within me. It’s one of the most common mistakes of us as adults: be so ‘mastered’ about the moment that almost nothing surprises us anymore, because we do not extend ourselves nakedly to feel the unpredictability, i.e. unexpected nature of the wind, of the wind of circumstances and people.
It’s a constant challenge that emerges daily. Am I approaching writing as if for the first time? Is my starting point genuine and earnest? Do I really look into my dysfunctions no matter how uncomfortable, to aspire to a solution for the problem that I face as a daily living experienced fixation and obsession? It threatens my illusion of safety and comfort to note that maybe – maybe all of what I am sensing in this here moment is Energy, and I have not even scratched the surface of what is the Physical about this world, in this vessel that gift me the opportunity to birth Life from the Physical as my human physical body. Isn’t it frightening how even the most physical sensing I can muster and manage is actually Energy? That alludes to how everything can be brought to a solution if one has the will and the absence of negative emotions, and how everything is doomed to oblivion if one is possessed with negative emotion. There have been more than I like to have, moments where I just want to throw the baby out with the bath water and label everything and everyone as doomed to fail. It’s like – so what if I fail? Failure is positive feedback indicating what I need to change. Success is negative feedback that places me in a vacuum of inaction and complacency. Life as time marches relentlessly as time waits for no one – and time proves the illusion of thinking I am able to create the final end as the ‘too much’ failed reaction to be also an ego trip – and as long as I persevere, and keep standing up with the will to solve, then Life will be here and not failure.
Kasper's Journey To Life 