Day 785: There Must Be More To Life Than This

“There must be more to life than this”

It must be more than a case of black or white, sung Freddie Mercury when he knew he was going to die. People I admire faced shitty circumstances but responded in the correct way, that as a black box the person benefits himself and those in his immediate vicinity, generally avoided calculating and grasped that his person would receive the best if he gives as he would like to receive. It’s kindness overcoming disdain and disgust, very intellectual disdain and disgust, meeting hard fists with a limp presence that softens everyone up.

Could it be that my bottom line – that which is directly spawned by my personality – is what matters that’s obstructing me? What practicality in my morals that leave me in a powerless position only able to survive at a more base level than the jobber? Bernard already said many years ago: ideas that cement you from ascending the competence hierarchy are bullshit. Every moment is a choice to run it to its end or stop.

Day 784: Continuing From Dishonesty

Adapting to stagnant circumstances has pros and cons. At the very least you stop being overly harsh on yourself that reinterprets the normally thought of objective reality into an omnipotent judging reality. In exchange though, you let go of the fire that drove you to step up the steps to the ladder of success.

I can be appalled at what I accepted imposed onto reality, i.e. the lives of everyone else and everything, for mesmerizing myself in my own flames. It’s only when you stop, can you realize how crass you’ve been behaving. What is valid pride when the world we create contradicts human heuristic? More people buying into money is more people willing to adopt money’s values, fight for money, kill for money, protect money by killing competitors. The state of human relationships is degrading into its ugly aspect that makes all the “physical” beauty evidence of our deep perversion of recruiting the specific spoken words and deeds that used to make good people while creating a damaged world. What good are good people if in the grand scheme of things, good and bad play passive or active roles in creating a damaged and damaging world; how beautiful are good people that encourage creating a damaged world? What does it really mean to profess beauty when the world is so fucked up, and people can be so fucked up, and the more you traverse, the greater contrast is felt that’s damaging to face?

For some reason, intuitively I feel that I am pathetic. I’m unsure which part is society’s programming “this is what society probably thinks of me”, and which part is self honest. I can tell I have not organized an ambition to become successful in material wealth. In the recent past I would’ve told you: “I can’t bear to watch myself commit to the demands of something so cruel and so against equality (money and its distributors).” It seems that compared to what is in my face daily – the inequality we justify with our personality – commiting to something material, to gain money which is an idea made to seem unbreakable with deeply personal fears, seems so arbitrary and kind of useless if we decide on which of the two matters more. People suffering silently with no way to untie the knots they’ve been brought up with, which includes the past and present dominating behaviours, matters more to my opinionated mind than “finding my passion” (to do something material to “earn” material money importantly because I like it).

Something about that behaviour doesn’t jive with my values.

Day 783: The Dishonesty of Being A Good Person

The problem with good words is they are dishonest. Describing a peaceful world matters in creating motivation to go through hardship. From a perfect state, everything is judged to be less. Beautiful words can put a man above others. In the most perfect material world ever, everyone faces more extraordinarily evil minds justified by logic and reason and rationality. It’s a problem when the public criteria for happiness ignores your silent suffering. Indicating the acceptable definition of happiness is incomplete, imperfect, less than what it should be. It’s unwise to doubt what else you see to not intrude on other’s happiness, to be normal, to be with everyone.

When everyone is bound to meet someone that would choose their self interest over what is best for all, the world is more abundant yet impoverished. The basic choice that defines evil is to prioritize self interest over what is best for all. That applies to others, but also you to yourself. When this world is so dangerous and damaging that we agree to create imaginary worlds for our children to live in (temporarily), to profess beauty in this world is to want more for yourself. To choose sides when we are the same. To want to be above by noting who are below.

Day 782: I Feel For My Generation. We’re Pathetic, Damaged Characters Creating a Damaged World

When right, I would see how my age group is faring in the world. As a generation, pretty pathetically when judging from what is best for all. Innumerable go travelling, hold steady jobs won from their war in education, get laid often, just everything except bettering the world. The embarrassing nature of growing up with the people around you. Disappointing limiting future ingrained in growing up. Sure, it would not be a disappointment at all if you have no expectations nor standards, possibly grateful for the resources you own too, I would have to ignore dark discrimination giving up an absolute ideal. Practicing what is best for all is discouraged directly by money, yet any moment we can have that vision flash before our eyes and we can practice it regardless of the malevolence of man.

We earn money like we educate to grab top grades for us individually alone. Has the greed of man ever changed an iota? Have we been compromising humanity to convenience our own greed? What convinces us to believe our personal penchant for greed cannot be obliterated as systematically as how we built up the courage to act out our greed? God is untouchable and unchangeable, we behave like greed is untouchable and unchangeable. Is greed God? What if we are creating greed to be like a God deciding the fates of our sex, relationships, and money?

From the age of 18 to 30, a truth is we grow “up” to become very small: we earn money to survive and give us reason to give up on thriving as a humanity. We quench our eternal thirst for novelty through travelling, eating, novel products, novel information that places us in the intelligent category, but we don’t deeply know our impulses. Our impulses capture us and drag us on a leash to a grim fate and we call that God’s will. Just because we don’t understand, does that make us not responsible for our real personal history?

Day 781: You Standing In My Shoes. Can You Do It?

One divide is between job and jobless, which is a big difference when money runs the world. In my opinion, I’m processing the nightmare that most would give all cost to avoid at all cost. I’m averse to truncating my mental state to get a job and be respected, on the other hand but disrespected by Life because I’m the cause of inequality for treating people unequally. To my limited view, it’s already sort of hell being 26 without a job. The separation between job and jobless another way of saying deciding to be discriminated against. It would be a different sort of hell if I knowingly became malevolent, even if the most money were given to me as all knowable benefits were offered for that mere cost: I would judge myself like how I judged myself for being a good student in a deliberately malevolent world.

The worst pain is self inflicted with the solution out of consideration because I am certain what will benefit me and what threatens my self interest.

From the outside, I see people that are usually capable of reasoning to themselves why they aren’t the problem fuelling an unequal society. I’m certain everything we can know through mulling through about it is causing an unequal world because our hidden motivations bestowed by God by our personalities are uninterfered with. We alter/change to suit our self interest, our self interest cannot be changed to suit us. To deeply interfere with our self interest for the sake of Life in the world, is like interfering with profit to allieviate the external costs directly caused by us uniting for personal profit/greed. It’s very destructive because the old must die, but it’s for the best for all Life to interfere with our inherited weakness, inherited from upbringing and a system laid down by the ancestors of the past.

Day 780: Hi-Fi Rant, Denied Problems

Being interested in hifi, the subjective part is abused. More expensive means objectively better, also more expensive means worse. As skeptics like to believe, it’s all a marketing sham, the competitive circumstances encourage deceptive behaviour.

The economy is not designed to bring the best products to market, to me it’s kind of promoting inequality in practice. Define the pinnacle experience out of reach to ignite everyone’s curiosity.

How is extreme caution the best way when you’re curious? How is it more satisfying to create inferior products with profound marketing strategies, compared to making your best products also with good marketing? It’s kind of like money is encouraging psychopathic behaviour by accepting and allowing people to be most satisfied when they make the most quantity of profit. No one speaks up about the practical difficulties of running a factory, maintaining a brand, only because of money’s brutal personality exerting itself.

Where do we see responsibility being taken for the customer taken advantage of through a sales pitch convincing them to be satisfied with an inferior product? Obviously the people manufacturing and selling don’t feel any guilt for charging more for less product. How does this experience ripple out into how a person sees the world? Would they be more willing to trust people in the world? What are the circumstances that make it “too complex” to change everything about audio to what is best for all? It’s primarily how money is valued more than people’s satisfaction, and lack of no punishment for incurring people’s dissatisfaction when they eventually realize what happened. None of the consequences are reported except for the profit report every quarter.

Because people are limited, and they can only read so much information: brands count on this vulnerability for the most profits. What is holding everyone back from correcting the definition of profit so it’s best for everyone?

The short answer if you’re wondering about hifi is this. The objectively better sounding equipment is all priced above the expectation of what it’s decided to be worth. You will continue to find inferior products until you reach a minimum price for each thing. ALL is imperfect.

Day 779: Gym Coaching Unethical Practice

Someone being nice to you only because you paid for their service. It’s an artificially created reality because people have a bounty on their head. I would react to this agreed fakeness by losing expectations of human nature, being more cynical and guarded about how much I say. It’s a social problem that everyone agrees to settle for the fake when we could have been genuine. Recognizing the individual’s responsibility to be genuine, yet dismissing the individual responsibility of agreeing on circumstances bringing out our worst. Profiting over benefitting all life, measured kindness over generous kindness, justifying survival mindset through a system instead of the system working for us to draw the best out of us. Profiting compromising proper manufacturing practices.

In short, I’m neither which way about paid kindness, but compared to the ideal of human behaviour it’s damaged and lacking. Not entirely the individual’s fault or choice, since a primary part motivating this behaviour is money’s demands towards people. I can’t properly say I feel good that a person is being positive to me because money is power in the current configuration.

There’s a big problem with gym coaching, the fitness and health industry, exactly because people can withhold all the information to give it to you slowly, to make more money: to make you stay longer as a paying customer, to have room to suggest and charge for improvements.

Day 778: The Blindness of A Smart Psychology

By accepting and allowing it, fuck whether I understand it, I’m the one that’s responsible. Today I attempted to mentally understand the obvious around me that I am seeing my interest reflected by people. Not meeting the person, in short seeing all I want from people. When I’m individually deluded, what matters is my understanding of my delusion, wise people saying what is true basically is useless. I’m not already living that wisdom, so it’s forgotten easily.

Damaged characters create a damaged world through wisdom and experience. This definition of experience originated from the personality’s self interest. That was what made him break through to success: everyone knows what is best for all but there are invisible mental obstacles so we don’t apply what is best for all, give as you would like to receive.

In a way, psychology convinced itself it knows something about how people work. In good intentions of helping people, the opposite is done where threats to the ideology of psychology and money above all, are exterminated ruthlessly professing love. When the professionals emotionally rely on a heroic story of being a light shining in a world of darkness, any stench of evidence pointing to their active role in debilitating the people they want to save is rejected with anger. Fear in other words. Making up for the destruction that capitalism sears into the world is problematic if money in its current character is allowed to brutally control supportive services and goods/drugs. There’s so many dysfunctions in every industry because people have to profit to survive. When I die, all those industries and their “service to humanity”/submission to be controlled don’t matter. Life is the capital.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with me actually changing will disturb the people around me.

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to face how people will boycott me, isolate me for actually changing because I am less easily manipulated as a result of my change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept how truth brutally judges illusion, so when I am “closer to” stopping my personal illusion the minds of the illusion mark me as a threat, so do everything in their power to attack my character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my own understanding of the world’s feedback; that when society tells me I am an abomination to be avoided at all cost, I am angry at that society in a way because my dignity as a human of the same life source is retracted, inducing me to lose confidence in the actions I’m living.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’m more abnormal in a bad way if the world rejects me and I feel nothing about being infinitely rejected every time I walk out of my home.

Day 777: Another Perspective On The 7 Year Journey To Life Blogging Project

The 7 Year Journey To Life is a personal project suggested by Bernard Poolman back in 2012. He suggested that overcoming the pull of your point of view (that blinds you from seeing how everyone is losing) has no shortcuts, requiring 7 years of daily application. It is important to be specific enough to understand your own point you represent which is a library/vocabulary of memories/personal history that is the essence of humanity’s history. The necessary aspects to understand that would erase the you that fell into the trap of doing opposite to good intentions, to change you to be able to give as you would like to receive (giving the best to all others equally without inner backlash, so that giving what you would like to receive, creates a world that is best for all that includes you) is only your personal history with the people you know, especially the details that overwhelm with emotions and feelings that persuade you to act in ways less than what is best for all. In my personal experience, daily reactions to certain kinds of people and circumstances imply fears I likely have forgotten yet dictate my future to follow a specific program of events; real consequences of my real personality, the weakest link in the chain beneath the goodness of my appearance is the real personality.

Bernard suggested all support that may be given is already given; so the answer that will change your fundamental human nature is not in positive activities/forms of knowledge/culture/travel/experiences you seek out there. It implies the answer is in the obvious, familiar daily experiences closer to you than your enemy, that occur regardless in a way transcending money, sex, and relationships. Bernard said it’s not what you do that decides who you are, who you are determines what you do. The fishiest personal knowledge is what I accept and allow at face value; where to my account I know I have not investigated – I’ve merely followed excitement to its conclusion – yet I rely on with no awareness of the engine room of ego within knowledge creating a damaged world with damaged characters. The basic observation is whatever “new” knowledge we uncover daily, it’s all channelled to further cement a system that is deliberately destroying the environment, and because protecting self interest is complex, getting the system/everyone to agree to maintain the environment as the custodians of Earth we are already appears practically impossible in one life.

Knowledge is like a photograph of the mind professing knowledge, a reflection of its self interest. All known knowledge, regardless of its functionality to probe deeper for material conveniences and pleasures, is embedded with a self interest, knowledge as everything we can fathom actually is opinions. Some are more useful than others to our own self interset, but it’s obvious the most useful opinions are the most manipulative that elevates some to disregard others. That’s what abuse is. Best for all benefits everyone; anything less is judged to be abuse.

So it was suggested that to cure the blindness that happens because of your own self interest, means to stop what we’re thinking that’s the engine room behind our personality, deciding our fate creating a damaged world. Accepting and allowing parent’s teachings from their example is still a decision. Not understanding our eccentricities driving us to the same unsatisfying outcome and deciding not to investigate makes us more responsible for ourselves. Just because we don’t understand doesn’t make us not responsible.

Day 777: Lucky I’m Judged

Because it’s taboo to reveal ugly parts of yourself to you, it’s also the case when observing discrimination in others, plus how I discriminate against myself in reaction to other’s discrimination. We think discrimination has improved because of our history, also because no one makes discrimination publicly agreed to exist. Do actions not exist because no one is willing to expose them? To this degree, 1920s fiction is more outrageous compared to today’s scandals. There was less control of the press. Everyone was less right and wrong, only one truth mindset.

People discriminating against you do it from their self interest that converts facts into self benefitting opinions/lies. Self interest is the byproduct of dominant personalities, is the product of language we inherited from the fathers/the sins of the fathers. Language is structure, what makes us certain, what limits us in public/the policeman in the head, one part is the justification for the system.

I am discriminated against, my mind empathizes with the superior person because he/she is the byproduct of their upbringing, and their parents are the byproduct until etc. Should the part of physical reality I’m responsible for be greatly affected by lies? Should lies be master over the part of physical reality I’m representing? Resent and anger seems infinite because I don’t take self responsibility to stop cycling. The lie closest to the truth is everyone including me is responsible for discrimination. The painful truth is I am the one that is not stopping this psychological destruction.

In more cases than I fathom, the solution is to personally stop for thinking too much. The capitalism heaven requires to die in me, a mental death of the support I personally give to the ideology of capitalism, to have any hope of anything better.