Day 664: Am I Too Disciplined That Creates Consequences of Overindulging?

Overdisciplining myself. I ask me if I have overindulged in the past, and I have, so I have overdisciplined myself. Holding onto an absolute standard of what should be done and adhering to that in spite of all feelings. It’s important to set a pace of living where rest and doing stuff is included. Not necessarily work because that has its own image, instead doing stuff to make personal progress in personal projects which can include work.

Lately I’ve forgotten and did not use four count breathing. I placed aside the importance of staying here to keep in control today’s realm, and that is no doubt part of the reason how I keep thinking spiteful thoughts about myself. I ask if the good moments were actually good or was it me falling complacent to a certain mode of thinking and completely submerging myself in a thought. Whether that thought is good makes no sense, all good thoughts are founded on great fears and good desires are often hiding great fears. Anyway I think I might have fallen complacent and that kicks in the law of balance saying I cannot ignore the bad, so the shit compounds for me to remember me. I tell myself I am my weakest link, so I am my deepest fear and I won’t be any good until I somehow release it. Somehow probably needing a stage of admittance, a stage of learning, to understanding, then letting go and stopping.

Back to discipline. Discipline is a following motion following what one thinks is good. Lao Tzu said to allow one’s desires to observe its secrets, and allow no desire to be sensible with common sense. Which means instead of following discipline, I need to be willing to go a few detours and place Self at first place, all in the spirit of wanting to place the situation and my words and deeds in first place. Meaning since everything I need to face is already here, and will be in my face, I need to place a little trust in my design and take myself one point at a time, all to actually know myself and through that being able to sustain a point of living actually, without consequences of overindulging.

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Day 663: Look Deeper into Living

I’m listening to Rush, some American band’s album, Moving Pictures while writing. I may be earning a pittance living this lifestyle, but I’m healthier than I’ve ever been, eating the freshest food with good sleep. Today I had two good lessons on guitar and cello. Finally my guitar teacher’s getting serious about teaching me. Finally I can play the song on the cello with a way to actually get better. I must be fortunate to meet so many helpful people, which includes work colleagues, doctors, teachers.

Again no conflict to write about. But I find there’s an automatic way of living and there’s a way to look deeper while living. By asking questions to be more specific with understanding how one is living. I happen to enjoy ogling women, and asking the reason why and what it is I fear, I saw it as clear as day: I fear not getting a bloody cool experience having sex with someone. And I looked into space absolutely amazed at the directness of my own answer. But the real proof in the pudding would be tomorrow when inevitably I will see attractive women and without resisting, if I would change my ogling behaviour into the sort of behaviour I participate in when looking at males, normally instead of fixating on the face. It’s moments like these when I realize how little and therefore how much more I can live, it’s not enough to go automatically through a day. It’s easy to do stuff and not know how you do it and just accept this is the way you do it. A different but rewarding way to ask questions randomly about yourself to be crystal clear that you know how you are coming to those conclusions and behaviours.

There’s one weakness I’ve accepted and allowed to plague me. It’s beautiful women. I know I’m creating it. I must get to the bottom of me and realize how I have come to harbour this weakness. The real reason why and how I justify it. Self honesty.

 

 

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Day 662: Update and Notes

Notes while reading the Desteni articles.

Law of balance implies polarity/opposites. For example, in win/lose, both people both act in self survival to be the winner, but the design allows exactly one winner and one loser and requires both people to exist as opposites. The idea that when winning, one must maintain that winning position, or when lost, one must reclaim the winning position, exists the same in both people and is a dated way of life. Where is winning and losing’s relevance when one do what’s best for all and is committed to that?

Choice as personal preference is manifested judgment motivated by self survival or self interest. Manipulation is always used when one want to win. That which you fear – you create/manifest. Fear feeds off our ignoring/suppressing. Fear diminishes when facing them/looking directly at them. Often we become what we fear. Polarity and the law of balance often happens with one way of doing in thoughts to ‘hidden moments’, and another presentation or way of doing in living. If I did not want, need, or desire anything how can anything or anyone control me? As long as we have these emotions we are slaves to those that’play’ our emotions. The minute someone or something has the ability to move or direct you according to your emotion you have to become aware of the fact that they have just trapped you.

And because this is my blog, I’ll fill you in on what’s up in my life aside from the notes. I’m committing a little time to listening to new music recommended by a friend according to what I previously listened to. It’s astounding what people preoccupy themselves in during their teenage years, though it’s equally astounding what I preoccupied myself during my teens. It was success and money, to meditation (because at one point I found myself quite noisy) to ascension (because meditation goes hand in hand with ascension) to Anu (just getting into history of apparent previous civilizations).

I went to Shenzhen for three days, two nights, so I had to catch up on practicing cello and guitar. Now it’s time to get a lesson in with cello and guitar, and I must practice. It’s quite nice to see myself needed at work to go work an extra day. It’s evidence that at the least, I’m not disliked by the people working there. I could occupy my day with so many things and not work, I don’t need work anymore to present me with a preoccupation. But I would like the cash.

And the rest of the time is doctor appointments, cello, guitar lessons, music theory lessons, exercise, eating, sleeping, shitting, practicing cello and guitar, doing the theory homework, pondering about what else I possibly would need in terms of material possessions. And that’s a life of a male of 24.

 

 

 

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Day 661: The Gist of The Desteni Message

I read a bit today through the Desteni articles and I’m understanding a few things.

Self honesty is to be able to see things for what they are and common sense is to give that to yourself to empower yourself to do something to change it. The only point you can affect is yourself in a world of absolute free will. Absolute free will determines only my own fate and does not define others. Free will absolute defines only me. The only thing we have to do individually, so the only thing I have to do is be able and willing to direct everything that’s here immediately in my own hands as an inseparable physical experience breath by breath. The past lives, soul, past personal history, all of it is irrelevant and the only relevant point is what is immediately here that I can immediately direct. Deception is something I have to stop because it ultimately benefits no one not even myself to the ultimate timeless permanent absolute degree of me as a life. Deception is me squandering life which I have been given, to illusions of my point of view being more important or special than other’s point of views and believing in the illusion, thus fearing the illusion ending because I believe I end.

The human problem is rooted in the free will to harbour opinions and assign monetary value to opinions specifically to control and manipulate for self interest. Energy comes in many forms: thoughts, emotions, feelings, personalities, rising up or high (feeling), falling down or low (emotion), sexual energy, anger and conflictual energy. The point is energy always changes; change is constant with energy and it can be traced back to the source the beginning of this point, be it a thought, emotion, feeling, personality, the origin can be traced in fact in detail. The moment I believe I am energy that which changes constantly, I ‘will be forever changing’ when who I really am doesn’t change = another point of view is created and believing in the illusions over reality. By definition what is real is what can last forever but energy in all forms doesn’t last – it ends at death when we are forced to leave our bodies behind. Even for example, the point of view that what I’m sharing makes sense but I will not listen or act on this knowledge is a product of the points of views and the conflict and friction between two points of views signifying energy, you’re still stuck in energy.

I won’t explain things as well as the articles and Bernard do, so links to the articles referred to are below:

http://desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-5-energy-and-illusion-quantum-reality-future

http://desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-42-secret-knowledge-god
http://desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-43-fall-god

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Day 660: A Drop Of Experience

Experience comes in unexpected ways. Today I had the experience of being chatted up by a customer, only to ask the wrong question and she abruptly said goodbye. At first I thought I did something wrong possibly offending her and that’s why she left, but on closer inspection I asked the wrong question. She probably felt insecure that she had no good reason to buy the product she was interested in, stated the weak reason in front of me, and then wanted to leave. This is in context of a string of incidents all with females, causing me to believe females are quite calculative and short tempered beings. What I mean is do or say the littlest thing wrong, and they will notice and they will care and they will act.

It’s my feeling that the goodbye was not on good terms. The female customer is probably in her thirties, talking to me, much younger, in a coy and flippant way about the products on display. Saying things like “if you would only give me the staff discount I will buy”, joking about the price, joking about the products, poking fun at me. For the record, I kept my distance as a sales to a customer, though I was caught smiling while serving her. She started the conversation by asking if another sales was around, he was off today.

All in all though, this isn’t a moment I will keep in my heart. Though the feeling of something being off or a stranger suddenly disliking me has an impact.

This all is evidence that I will not get along with any female in a partner capacity. I’m perhaps too dull and too slow and too forgiving to myself and the other that I will say careless things and females are bound to keep notes and account for all of my misdeeds. It’s too bad because I’m attracted to people that are uplifting, cheery, likes to make jokes, fun, playful character. But I ask myself, at what cost do they permit themselves to be so fun and playful in a seriously fucked up world? I don’t know what cost they paid, what their compromise is, to be able to function normally and be fun and playful at the same time. I saw this from very young, I’m still convinced this world is not something to be fun and playful about. There’s nothing fun or playful about a dog eat dog world where strong eats weak and fast takes advantage of slow. With all the hidden problems that people hide away, collectively it adds up to alot of trouble part of it is due to the way the world works. The other parts have to do with their self responsibility for their expression and way of thinking adding up into sickness and ill health, their living habits. The living habits afforded by a job lifestyle, money being hard to earn for most.

Add the troubles together and you have alot of suffering amongst the nurturing and boundlessness that capitalism portrays and projects as an image. I’m not even talking about the poor, just the people with money, it’s too common to hear of people with chronic conditions and it being hard to sleep. Then you have doctors claiming people are depressed so they are strongly suggested to take a happy pill. How can they not be depressed under the physical conditions and many considerations they have to inescapably manage and tiptoe around people all the time being a world of competition and one winner and many losers. This world is not beautiful. This world is the product of capitalism and you have many that fail and lose in capitalism that see and experience as a physical inescapable consequence but they remain silent about it that’s all. The rowdy bunch chant the freedoms and fulfilment of capitalism, but they are part intelligent part fools. Then you have the people that chant capitalism and money is the highest good because they don’t want to face the harsh reality. Or more common is people cling onto an idea of beauty buying beauty products and fashionable clothes to look a certain way to hide. Hide their struggles, hide their conflicts, hide all the troubles possibly to fool even themselves by inducing a chemical high like a drug through participating in an idea of beauty, fame, wealth, glory, feeling important.

So no, this world is not beautiful. I don’t agree that glossing over the details of people’s living experiences is justified or justifiable.

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Day 659: The Value of The Desteni Message

When I say think of myself existentially, it seems to become irrelevant because I’m no longer thinking practically money wise or thoughts, words, and deeds wise. But what if existentially included the money, the thoughts, words, and deeds required to be done all under the great consideration of ultimate morality? To live in ways that I can be satisfied infinitely and forever and permanently, stably, doesn’t always mean one for the other, money on one hand and ethics on the other. Existentially seems far away and distant because death seems far away and distant, utterly useless. But what if life weren’t a one off fling and you were here to learn something in order to use it to regard life equally?

I wouldn’t wait or believe my life to be inconsequential and postpone changing until the last minute, or the last moment of my life. Perhaps existing here right now on Earth completely codependent having to rely on friends and everyone around in a corrupt system where only people with money are taken care of, means I must somehow redistribute human rights as money back to everyone and in the process correct myself and be a fine example of a human being. What does it mean to be a fine example as a human being? Would it be to inexhaustively with patience and discipline live while preparing the road for future generations by working out how to peacefully establish a total new system where poverty may only exist in textbooks? Would it be to dedicate my life to the children that are our future in a future where I cannot take care of myself?

In all this considerations, Desteni presents a queer message. In all the interviews done by Bernard and all the articles focusing on the content of the message, we’re challenged to look at ourselves under the ultimate scale of morality and of life. This is a unique message because throughout education and family and culture, none of this was uttered or considered or spoken about at all. Education, family, and culture talk about the look, money, lifestyle, politics, economy, products, capitalism. Since when does any person write or speak then transcribe their words talking about life? I have never heard of anything talked about considering The Life. I faced a crossroads when I read the Desteni message. I observed I was not living to the best of my ability and harboured multiple addictions, multiple insecurities, multiple fears, all caught up in my personal world never having the inspiration to think once about how I am impacting The Life. Bernard only ever spoke, but what he described was exactly how I was functioning, imperfectly, very much a sinner and a dirty piece of meat with no morality or consideration for life. So I faced a choice, and I chose to stop my multiple addictions, insecurities, fears, because I had no choice, I had the opportunity and the time and the money and the support to live a different life. If under those conditions I still refused, I knew I would be in deeper shit. Far beyond redemption or forgiveness because I was deliberate.

The way Bernard spoke is an example of what support can be like. Doesn’t that make you question how many are masquerading as support while not ever supporting? Why hasn’t a person like Bernard who asked the tough question of why is this world in such deep shit plagued with many problems that end up in inescapable living experiences for people, showed up throughout the ages? Why hasn’t a person like Bernard ever existed that showed you how you work and revealed the obvious solution of self responsibility? Why has no one throughout the ages worked out a permanent lasting solution in the form of a new economic system in spite of all intelligence and good will? Why did all of this change had to wait for Bernard to show up for it to actually happen? It’s happened, it’s the Desteni message and Equal Money System and Basic Income Guaranteed message.

Are people engrossed in economics, politics, and capitalism for the intellectual stimulation? With no coherent one sentence solution to an obvious problem, it seems more like an addiction to stimulation than anything else. Where are our kind hearted people? Where are the practical people being practical? Are we too selfish?

 

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Day 658: What Is Process

I wonder what it will take for everyone to be shocked back to seeing each other, starting to reconsider the basic laws and policy that has been here since civilization. But then I look at myself and see I can do more, I’m not perfect yet, so the question of others is second priority to me and how I am who I am. I am my own worst enemy, and the first point I can change immediately is only myself within all thoughts, words, and deeds. When I put it that way I seem vast, but alot repeats. Maybe I’m not as vast as I seem to be when considering ALL my thoughts, words, deeds, because I repeat myself. Repeating myself doesn’t matter if it’s best for all, but what sticks out the most is when I repeat a mistake, or commit a sin, or think the same closed off way. It’s easy to think of myself only in the context of myself because the world tends to nurture selfishness and isolate me, leaving me to my own device.

Process is to observe myself in the context of self interest, the world, and humanity. Moving into understanding what I’ve been taught, how I created and was formed by my environment, and how I am affecting creating and manifesting and developing my world and my reality. According to Bernard, everyone including me is stuck in the ‘why’ I exist and ‘why’ I am here, believing my reasons to be more important than somebody else’s reason as to ‘why’ they are here. And he suggested if everyone would consider ‘how’ they are here, and ‘how’ come they’re existing here, ‘how’ each one is thus effecting each other and move from that perspective, I would notice that Equality is an obvious answer to the problem.

After looking at ‘how’, then ‘what’ to do and within that, I don’t use ‘why’ = I use ‘how’. ‘What’ I do and ‘How’ I do it then determines everything. The ‘why’ becomes irrelevant.

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Day 657: When Will We Agree To Change?

Probably due to the wide range people are exposed to and discover, meeting new people often means learning new things. I met two new people and both opened a door to another world. Another arena of possibilities in listening to music, the concept of digging for the backstory of a song or band to discover the meaning within the lyrics and music, and in practicing guitar. There was alot of considerations I didn’t consider at all when playing guitar on a song. Like timing the left and right hands, knowing when to let go and prepare your left or right hand for the next note. Or playing with loud and soft with a musical phrase to make it sound better.

The inconsistency with how humans are raised never ceases to interest me when someone sees or understands something I don’t. The same inconsistency makes me rage inside as to how shopaholics, addicts to products, addicts to experience, addicts to travel, addicts to work, addicts to play, exist. Because the inconsistency in upbringing allows such things as groups of people not seeing eye to eye and leaving it in distaste instead of both extending and reaching out with their words to come to understanding. The inconsistency seems at first glance to favor inequality because of the way different ways humans can operate, think, say, and do everything. But in spite of our differences we are physically the same design, of the same leaf, requiring the same food water and shelter, having to put up with a human body’s tantrums and physical experiences and ups and downs and putting up with the daily logistics of bringing our body from here to there, having to use the same language to communicate, and having to put up with unknown people and unknown environments.

You never know when you will meet someone and they introduce you to something completely new that’s a system meaning it has specific rules and conditions ending with the product or thing you see as it is. But the same human limitation of having to live as this human body unites our interests, overlaps many concerns, worries, troubles, enjoyments, but instead of honouring what overlaps and what we share, we highlight the differences in intelligence, street smarts, IQ, EQ, soft skills, hard skills, and we value this difference through money. Vast inequality through valuing very few jobs in the grand scheme of things alot of money, and the rest of the jobs on the bread line or slightly better. There isn’t a job for every person too, so what happens to the people without a job and no access to apply for a job and no education to be similar enough to get the job, and no family resources to live on with or without a job, no home to be the same like everyone else to get the job?

We cry out for visions of beauty on the TV, around us, in everything, but no one ekes a word for the ugliness the current money system imposes. How can you tell me people systematically tossed aside and labeled poor and lazy while there are countries and cities without an economy giving jobs to people with a wage they can live on is beautiful? But I as my generation is screwed up addicted to beauty paying tons of money to be ‘beautiful’ while the real beauty of everyone getting to live is unknown and a foreign idea to my generation. I’d say everyone from very young 7 to 40 are stuck on the idea of being beautiful with no glance at what beauty would imply in a society. The best my people can do is riot about personal losses in profit. But standing for those that aren’t given a voice or shoes to stand on is seen as weakness in the sick work education and beauty culture we all have responsibility for. Misleading each other to give to charity in spite of the poor results, avoiding discussion for a one shot one off solution to rid the world of poverty forever more, getting angry when told about poverty, irritated, pointing fingers at me for bringing it up. A SOLUTION? No, impossible, you’re trying to cheat and deceive me and my money and I won’t listen.

Meanwhile the solution is under everyone’s life and living, but with no coordination and no trust in anyone coordinating to get everyone to understand a message, a political economic one, peaceful one, by that statement you’re part of the problem and disease that’s humanity. It really shouldn’t matter that I or anyone old won’t benefit from this change, because like on the news talking about two trapped in an elevator or one killed by close partner, we’re putting human lives on the line every moment we don’t regularly do something to get everyone to understand. Understand, then coordinate to a political change a peaceful change to stop waging war on the weak and poor.

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Day 656: The Necessity of New Policy in a Greed-Driven World

Had alot of topics while walking around in Shenzhen but I forgot them all. Today I had work, nothing else. Just in overall good health with good living habits. Because of that, things seem boring because all the fluctuations are given the good health and sleep and rest and eating. But I know those things are never a given, and I should be grateful. I thought about not writing anything at all, but daily should be good. It’s the easiest to write when not completely satisfied about any part of the human experience.

Money is probably the one factor that decides everything from your history to where you are now and the experiences you’re having. That and the act of slotting oneself into things, seeing where you can walk into being a certain person and allowing yourself to walk into it. The capability and street smarts and intelligence to walk the path you’ve walked all only possible because you’re born into money. By the way this shouldn’t happen, everyone should be given a chance at life by having money. The way we integrate into society is sick – it allows people to laugh in a world where poverty is unprecedented and a big problem ignored. Society allows your holidays and purchases to come first before giving life to everyone else. In a way, society is exactly the way it needs to be for greed and inequality to exist. And no one is tackling the problem nor even caring about a solution. Everyone’s trying to sell their own product under the banner of goodwill and compassion. Meanwhile it’s capitalism and profit and loss, a game of extremes.

The only peaceful way to a solution is through exactly the rules and conditions imposed through our politics and government. Change the economic and social policies to no longer favor the smarter, bring everyone to equal means to live, and then we can sort out our personality issues that always cause friction amongst us. But the question is how can such a message be communicated and kept alive until the majority acts on the knowledge? Nothing moves without money; even equality packaged into political policy won’t exist in the minds of men without money.

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Day 655: Social Commentary Comparing Shenzhen and Hong Kong

Have I got stuff to write now after being stimulated in Shenzhen for three days and two nights. While I listen to people laughing in a world in peril, I get an idea of the extent of illness that has befallen my generation that I represent. I, as person of my generation, admit to being duped and bamboozled of our inheritance, being bribed by a seemingly sophisticated lifestyle and money afforded by our genetic lineage that predetermine our level of intelligence and street smarts. In exchange my generation gave up the right to life for all for my, mine, my needs. I look at where everybody my age is pushing their money towards and I can’t help but think, “What the fuck is my generation doing with their cash while more and more live outside the system systematically kicked out and denied entry?” Certainly the poverty’s scale is at an unprecedented level. Everybody is finding contentment in developed facilities such as malls and playgrounds, the transport system, the accessibility to good food, wonderful environments, hard selling themselves within a specific look, simulating fame and glory through personal friends and coworkers, believing happiness is achieved by bringing a new life a new child into their circle and allowing themselves to be influenced into happiness by their child, thinking people are poor because they do not work, not giving a shit about anyone but themselves.

And I spent three days with a living example of how one should face adversity and disaster and troubles. One should do it with a suppleness and relaxing stature, never complain, always only speak of what is best out of one’s entire life, good and bad and in between, and the direction is constantly becoming more relaxed and open to absorbing the factual information around. Tirelessly equating and speaking solution oriented as a matter of breathing. Sparing is a lifestyle dedicating every breath and aspect of life and living to being sparing, that means being frugal to only myself, I don’t think the weight of that statement is understood because it directly influences the choices you make with every movement you make spending and earning money.

And people in Shenzhen, by their free will, I’ve confirmed to be a class below the average Hong Kong people. I’ve seen more reckless drivers and been hit by more dominant males passing by them and a generous amount of caution exhibited by everyone living in Shenzhen than in Hong Kong. The number and quality of the fraud and negative news about how a person swaps out milk powder sent through their service with fake milk powder for example, is way more severe and out of this world than Hong Kong. As a result cameras are everywhere, when you park your car your license plate is photographed coming into the park and when parked, so you have to bear responsibility if you break anything, cameras are installed every other intersection to make sure you’re driving within the speed limit and automatically fines you, there’s a fine of $500 RMB and demerit of three points to your license if you stay longer than three minutes at the Futian Shenzhen-Hong Kong border crossing, people are way cautious. People are either too smart or too selfish that’s why so many laws and rules and conditions are set by the government.

But I admit, the difference in perspective by those that get rich in Shenzhen vs. Hong Kong. The rich people in Shenzhen invest their money back to the people by building top facilities and malls and infrastructure and create an economic environment suitable for many flourishing businesses. The rich people in Hong Kong pay the minimum to infrastructure and whatnot, and hold the opinion that the bottom line amount of money you earn is at the end of the day, the greatest praise and reward. So they in Hong Kong bump the salary of people up, establish a minimum wage, but give no benefits or facilities or services without a certain amount of cash. The people in Shenzhen are less polite and think less of other people around them, comparatively selfish. The people in Hong Kong pay more attention to public manners, common courtesy, and afford a safer street environment with less rules, laws, and conditions. But I must say, the China government know how to govern a population by banning porn and free speech that includes the freedom to abuse, and disallows external information-based warfare on their own people by other countries. Hong Kong under the banner of economic freedom allows basically everything, porn, all freedom of speech including the freedom to abuse, allows their own people to riot then accordingly punished, allows the publication of complaints by all sectors of the population and public demonstrations or protests.

So nothing’s black and white.

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