Day 705: When Nature Speaks

After a period of silence, collecting myself, I’m ready to write. Today’s blog is thanks to someone that gifted me an interview on EQAFE by Mother Nature. I don’t care if it is really her or not, I’m all about the details of the message. But this world is a much better place if everything is in fact aware and is able to communicate but on a different level.

Aloneness is with you as a being. Feeling alone means you’re at a point where you have to walk and confront alone, you may speak about it with others but you’ll feel alone regardless, that means you have to walk and confront it alone. If we would use self healing in any context it means you can only heal yourself because you’re the only one inside yourself, your body, you are your own breaker or your own maker. Everything that is in you is all on you and is all you. Healing from your personal history cannot be done by anyone outside.

You may have all beliefs about medicine, but the body only has its condition and a specific line of treatment that will be effective. Naturopathic and homeopathy is good for prevention and early treatment. Extreme illness will require a stronger treatment. Chinese medicine, homeopathy, naturopathic, plant based medicines affect on a being and physical level but not on a mind consciousness system level: plants don’t have a mind. Any judgment on traditional medicines reflect your opinions.

The person speaking in the interviews is implying that alot has been done behind the scenes to already give you all the support you need at your fingertips: aligning all the relationships, bringing the people together to create the environment you need to confront your weakness, heck I’ll add making your conscious thoughts accentuated to get you to face your weakness. To me, that’s reassuring. Basically this interview has said what was already observable by the people practicing these forms of treatments. Plant based medicines work slowly and gently, good for early early prevention, western medicines work more strongly and somewhat rougher, but it will have a greater chance of saving you in a pinch.

How I hear all this information in this interview. It sounds like even the flora and fauna of Earth is exasperated by the stubbornness of human nature, of which I obviously form one part of. I don’t believe badness is determined by a single moment or a single mistake, we still have our lives to lead and that accumulation I believe is what matters. Just because Desteni banned me doesn’t invalidate what is being heard in the interview, the message in the interview. Only I know exactly what I’m up to, but that gives me confidence in myself that I am heading in the general right direction. Obviously a large part of that is unseen even if you met me in person. But that’s the point, to value the unseen more than what catches the eye like makeup. When you don’t want to be vain, you have to put in the work to not be vain.


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Day 704: Some Perspectives on Living

Make your breaths count because there are people’s breaths counting on yours. Just living a normal life in the system with stand up morals and giving is not enough in the context of this physical existence. Thoughts and thinking has a physical effect on the human body, every hair on the head is counted; every thought I think is counted. The human body is a storage place for the thoughts, thoughts make a mark on the human body and alters the entire alignment in the human body. Thoughts physically impact how you interact in this world. There has to be a point where I have to make a decision for me, not only do things for others or do what is expected of me. I need to discover myself as a being. If my parents, friends, job, if I did not have this particular life who would I be?

The extent towards we align ourselves to others and completely lose ourselves as beings to see and live who we are and not only through and from others. It is not who is in your world, it is who you are in your world. It is to change who you are in your external environment. You support what you live, and support other people to do what you do. Align your focus in living to walking the path to Self.

How much of our world is in fact because of money, how much of ourselves have we invested in money? What chases you once you’re in the game is money itself. If you don’t have a money morality in the corporate system, you’ll get spit out. Money morality is giving and taking and balancing that. But that relationship is in no way balanced in the physical world, money just takes. Have a look at the extent to which money defines who we are, how we live, what we do. The ultimate test is to take money away and look at who I’d be, what I’d do, how I would do it. If you’re always going to live in fear of money, it’s going to permeate into your life your living. Rather stand in a relationship with money where you can be who you are what you do and how you do it, and still be able to walk it through no matter what happens, and not let fear of money control you.


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Day 703: Relistening to EQAFE Part 1

Loss of a Friend and The Death of Me life review: the extent to which our minds can influence ourselves to our beingness to not physically function. Living a relationship as ‘you fulfill me’ or ‘you define me’ or ‘I can’t live without you’ is physically and mentally unhealthy, another way to sabotage yourself. It’s important to identify all experiences of loss and make sure if it’s because I defined myself in separation to something/someone, to let it go and aim to physically function in this world. Compromising Dreams for Money life review: it’s best if every child born into this world had a planned future for them, where they have all the money to live in this world for their entire life, and allow them to express themselves in the fields they want to be in. Deliberately shaping one’s physical behaviour and internal mental workings for money was not as worthwhile as doing what one was inclined to do from the beginning. Everything about my life would change if I did what I was inclined from the beginning, and it’s never too late to do it now.

So far, good points are being made in the third relistening of my library on EQAFE. I’ve gotten older, my decision is manifesting, so what I get from each recording I believe is getting to its intended effect. What I think is amazing that someone understood what I was going through and sent me these recordings, is probably nothing special to that special someone.

This world is a business corporate money world. In this art has become suppressed and what is lost is a form of communication we had through art, to communicate what we are losing or what we have lost which is it reminds us of a form of communication between individuals and ourselves. Now communication is about money and survival. Immersed into a money world so far from the real world from actually interacting with people. Competition, war, running, defend, protect. Got to hear the obvious from EQAFE.


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Day 702: When Something is Big Enough, There’s No One to Blame But Yourself

Another day, another time to write. I relistened to a life review interview done on EQAFE called My Life of Anger. It’s message was to stop blaming anything, such as the system or family or circumstances or parents, there is no other way but to participate in the system because you’re already part of it. To make a crude joke you already ate from it. My next question would be how to participate in such a way to differ from any other adult entrenched in the system. Then I recall the story of the ant to the giant in the Desteni articles, as one single ant codependent on all ants, the only thing you can change is your starting point. The rest you do exactly the same as the other ants.

There’s a quality involved with participating in a giving and receiving in the system. In the system meaning every time I eat, use money, even relax in one of the environments moulded and shaped by money like a park. A burden without being a burden. And more or less, I can see myself being shaped by my every participation walking on the streets going to malls and supermarkets, the popular includes what I pay attention to. I’m sure by some age people can tell at a glance who’s more involved and who is less. Yet being so not independent but codependent, western culture sure makes a big fuss about individual achievements. But how can anything get done without the menial work being done? Whatever achievements are made is made on the shoulders of those doing the menial tasks, and common sense dictates a mental workaround takes far less effort than doing chores as a profession. Whatever the participation is in the system, it gives something for minds to work with, worries to handle, and the more you work with people the less prone you are to Alzheimer’s. At the moment I see classical music as a music structure, performing a similar feat for people that try classical music theory, to prevent the mind from going dull. Having heard of an account of one old man fighting Alzheimer’s through constantly doing music theory, music can be an idealistic way of how parts would function as a whole, like how people should function to form a group, like how notes form into a musical phrase. After all a big part of music is harmony, and the structure and logic behind that is more explored in classical music – old music – than you get to hear in mainstream pop music. The objective of pop music is to grasp your attention. Classical music has been an exploration into the capabilities of instruments and the many explanations of music theory.


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Day 701: Self Enrichment = Self Interest?

Like everyone, I’m always on the lookout to enrich my life. But my definition of enriching my life is specifying my purpose of being a human in this life, while upping the enjoyment and fun factor. I was re-listening to Bernard’s interview, The Biggest Missing Piece, on YouTube. Because I’ve listened to it before I didn’t hear anything new, but because I have changed my perspective it goes in the ear differently. Valuing anything and withholding it to profit is doing life backwards. When the Earth allows all possibilities and knowledge to be realized by us, and its resources all given to us freely, I can’t be the one to stamp my name on what I know and own it. But there’s also a constant consideration that’s what knowledge I will impart that will be my conditions for my survival, and whether it will be acceptable for the others to grant. In this consideration I’m aiming for the highest and give what I think is the best deal, but until I’m there I won’t know; until I’m out teaching I won’t know if my way is an acceptable way. But there is a guideline that’s to do to others what I would like to be done unto.

I see Desteni as what Bernard Poolman left behind. He himself made relevant in today’s terms the Jesus message and the Lao Tzu message. Having been banned, it made me notice that Desteni today is a group of people discussing amongst themselves. And similar to my own test, their test is one of trust: what qualifies me or them to be trustworthy to execute the political project of world change? Where world change is defined as the changing of the rules that govern each other, including money, law. And I may add, both of us don’t seem to have much to show for our trustworthiness. But Desteni is the project that Bernard Poolman left behind, and he is outspoken in his explanations of what is really good. Thinking positively doesn’t change what has been allowed to be created, it affects the experience, the result remains the same. I will add thinking negatively also doesn’t change what is being created. Whatever I say about Bernard will be an idea and not the reality of what he said to me to great effect.


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Day 700: When You Become Someone’s Uncle/Aunt

I don’t have an addiction to writing. It’s proven by the last few days where I didn’t write and felt nothing about it. There’s an aspect of the family experience that honours the elders, and when you’re a certain age you are put on a pedestal of experience and given privileges like being able to say what’s on your mind without as much of a consequence. I experience this aspect as if the idea of family were selling me itself by saying I can be great in my unique way being someone that’s older. But it could be in reverse. I’m bogged down in all my knowledge about the world, and children are empty without this. Even if I don’t change, everyone around me is changing and making families. That changes my value to the community because the community’s standards are changing, and I’m getting older. There’s a school of thought that say children are teaching us things while the knowledge about the world we adults have is secondary to what children teach us, what parts of ourselves unconditioned by this world teach us. Simultaneously, we don’t take children seriously, especially if we’re required to step back for them to step forward. I’m not receptive to figuring out children’s thinking behind a decision they’ve made.

I can easily imagine myself doing everything except throw them out to teach them manners and that they can’t assert their way of seeing through directly arguing and recruiting emotions and feelings to bolster their position. Ideally I would have a solution to their temper tantrums and give them a way to state their point by showing how everyone benefits from their way and not my way. As I see it, it’s more difficult for these future adults to not know about the world of money and jobs and conditions than it is to know from the very beginning.

I think of it as it’s better to know the world than to know the fantasy and be tempted by the fantasy of mainstream media. Isn’t it more exciting to do things that work in the real world instead of fantasizing about it and struggling to make things work? And please, no sugary treats, only in depth explanation and forcing children to know the world. That it’s not a scary place, if you take responsibility for yourself and give what is expected for you to live a normal life. If you look more closely at this real world, there’s a lot more room to play than there is in imagination and fantasies. Because at least the room for play is real. Don’t be human if you are repulsed by recognizing what is real and what is not.


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Day 699: No One is Allowed To Hate Family

There’s not a religion or organization that doesn’t support family. Is it because no one will support them if they didn’t support family? How come throughout the ages family has been a theme? Is it a pretty excuse to make as if sex is a beautiful thing? It’s been an idea that has been born since humanity was born, that one raises a family and cares for the members of their family. What aim did religions have to demonize sex and sexuality, meanwhile it’s the top few things in everyone’s minds? Why is it sex, expressing yourself within sex and sexuality, has such a profound effect raising one’s self esteem, confidence, self worth?

Witnessing the same story repeat itself wherein at one point, everybody at some age dive head first into sexuality, and I interpret it as a tool of conformity, expressing oneself through sexuality has life altering consequences, so I see most accept at a deep level the presence of sexuality, and then you have the one in your class or in your work or wherever, that denies sexuality any dominance in their considerations. At least it seems that way. Religion has been one of the mainstream ways of control, and from its example I believe I can learn something. If sex allows one to assert oneself, in a religion that needs followers and only one exerting itself God, I sort of understand why religion would do that: demonize sex and erotica.

I think one common aspect of everyone’s experience is the waking up of the sexual drive. People these days live and speak as if it doesn’t dominate. Bernard said flat out, sex is the most important thing in a serious relationship aside from money. So important but everyone’s driven to overcome this obstacle alone, I don’t hear about people talking about sex. It’s treated as an alone game while everyone knows you need to have a partner to do it with. Or maybe because everyone knows, everyone doesn’t care how they must think or behave if it’s to snag and trap a partner. Psychology behind TV and mainstream media knows we would do anything for sex, so they dangle it under many conditions. Inadvertently, we insert an ideal self as a partner to another with these personality traits and behaves this way and is this skinny, has muscles there, has these hobbies, is interested in these things, likes to travel, chases after the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation where it’s most sold through goods and services and not through one’s basic foundation nature, earns this much money, has a house, has this amount of status in the society, builds wealth in these specific ways, is wealthy in these ways of friends and coworkers and capital and pieces of businesses.

Family is probably one of the foundations of human creation because any future of anything is directly related to our younger people, our children. Did religions understand that family is how they will assert their dominance and power? Are businesses just another ruse to get you to teach your children to accept their hard sell? Has the foundation of every business been the psychological attack and infiltration of its values into your family’s values via the gap that everyone talks about? The gap or the space or the time which we take to make important decisions about our lives?

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Day 698: Music History

I’d be lying to myself if I said this wasn’t a new start for a new adventure with new things to look at. I wrote on and off over 7 years, and I find it’s a relaxing way to settle all matters and bring clarity and understanding over. Investigate all things and keep what is good. Writing is good.

I was told a story of the development of music from Baroque to Classical to Romantic to 20th century. It’s a story around the limitations of instruments, with the piano at the centre. In Baroque times, most instruments were made of wood and there wasn’t an abundance of metal to make instruments. So to zest things up Baroque music relied on improvisation by adding ornaments, repeating a subject or a phrase of music in various ways, and not many chords were used because the instrument of the time, the harpsichord or clavichord, had a limitation there. They didn’t lend themselves well to scales, arpeggios, only slow to moderate melodies. And so the orchestra of Baroque times were small, and Baroque composers normally worked for rich people and catered to their interests. Bach is a good example.

In Classical times, the fortepiano was developed. Today it’s a pianoforte, this is an early reiteration of the harpsichord. It allowed scales and arpeggios to be played easily because the mechanism for hitting a note was greatly simplified. And in Classical times symmetry and balance was the focus. Symmetry in phrasing, 4 or 8 bar phrases, dynamics, structure. It was the fashion to play melody and accompaniment on one fortepiano, and to implement scales and arpeggios. So with a better instrument, the technique of pianists developed and improved.

By the Romantic period, the pianoforte was developed. The car was in use. Dynamics range from ppp to fff, and the texture of music increased, which means a lot more chords were used because the instrument allowed it. Pedals were developed for the pianoforte, metal was more in circulation by this time, a consistency in instrument making began.

In 20th century music, they and their past musicians already explored symmetry, balance, the fugue structure, wrote the most beautiful melodies, explored texture and dynamics to its pinnacle. What wasn’t played with yet was rhythm and the sound effect. The quality of sound that comes from playing notes.

There, I summarized an hour lesson into a brief read.

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Day 697: Good Bye, Desteni

Desteni has a low opinion of me. I have to live with myself regardless, so I’ll keep writing my blog. I had to imagine a life without Desteni, which would be without lots of homework, chats over the Internet, and constantly liking their stuff, and I wonder what else is out there, that can possibly be more explanatory than Desteni. Because their message to me was simple: you are a problem, a recurring one and no support will be given anymore, I’m not holding your hand anymore, if you still want support blog for a year and maybe we’ll consider it. That comes with no support in the form of explanation of what my mistake is, implying that they believe it to be self evident and that I am refusing to see what they are seeing. So they trust their own vision and distrust mine. Which in the business of supporting people, I think that’s a problem distrusting what the person you’re saying you’re supporting is seeing.

This doesn’t erase what I’ve read and seen makes sense in the articles of Desteni. So much of my attention was on Desteni that being banned basically, I have a lot more space inside and a lot of attention freed. But even this doesn’t erase the few chats I had with Bernard Poolman, that communicated in a way like he saw everything. I still think he gave me the greatest gift which was he taught me how to move myself, and that I have to move myself. But he’s gone, I can never have support like that again.

I have to write about my relationship with Desteni because that’s what it’s been for many years. It seems my input isn’t valued anymore, because of one blog, so it’s as if one mistake can erase a thousand things done right. If I say what I think, they’ll judge me by saying I’m backchatting again, but my virtual participation over the Internet over the years seems not to be seen as anything to Desteni. Perhaps they see me as an unworthy investment because I’m not supporting them financially. And I make the kind of mistakes like sabotaging myself and blaming others that’s deemed treason or at least very bad and seriously bad. It’s not like I don’t make mistakes. They’re claiming I keep on making the same kind of mistake and not taking self responsibility for them, and that they have supported me for years, but that’s glossing over what actually happened over time. What support has been very disorganized and disjointed over the years. I’m not certain if I can call all my chats over the Internet as supporting me, because none of it really changed anything about my base personality. But that being said, very few things in life change your base personality.

It’s my blog, so I’ll indulge and reminisce about Desteni for one blog. Then there’s the habit that was introduced by Bernard which is daily blogging. Writing. I think it’s been very nice to develop my writing skills. To many more years of writing.

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Day 696: Aftermath

Instead of editing the last blog, I want to write a fresh post. I re-read my own stuff and I don’t see how I’m blaming Desteni for anything. I said it’s the easiest thing to have the purest intentions and show it in your articles, but like an aunt told me the articles don’t give you any solutions. The solutions are valued a certain amount of money and suggestions are given in the EQAFE recordings. As someone that was on sponsorship for the DIP course I found that you get what you give. They don’t do much, they wait for you to do the introspection. I suppose that’s expected since we’re all human we need to gauge people by the words they’re writing or speaking or living.

I said Desteni was more specific than self improvement. I said I wasn’t getting any answer from a question I asked and based on a personal reply, I thought they won’t answer my question. I said Desteni being in the category of organisation that it is, have a responsibility to show the difference between themselves and any other organisation or charity or any organisation. Where does spite and blame and my refusing to help myself fit in?

I don’t think it was the smartest move to spill the history of Desteni verbatim with Heaven and the afterlife. People will stick on those details and forget what use the message is to them. I was given tools, I used them and they worked really well. But now I’m at a stage where it’s no longer about my personal insecurities and deleting them, there’s work to do outside and a price for my own life I must pay. I must pay the bills in the buy-bill, bible.

I thought they did a good move by revoking my sponsorship. I thought maybe I was wrong, but I reread my stuff and still don’t get from where the animosity is being registered.

Edit (31 May 2018): I’m forbidden from participating in any Facebook groups related to Desteni. This revoking sponsorship thing seems to be more serious like a ban. My blog would be banned too if it was part of the Desteni ecosystem.

I feel as if Desteni is basing their impressions of me on past behaviour and not exactly reading into the words of the specific blog that caused this. It’s not like I explain nor do anyone lets me explain all of my past behaviour. So I think it’s just a misunderstanding, and if/when they are ready to explain my mistake I’m all ears. But this organization part I’m really experiencing it. It’s like a level of separation into an organization telling you stuff, instead of people telling you stuff.

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