Day 730: Intelligently Living In Capitalism

I commit myself to show that Intellect in Design is the Progenitor of Greed as the Accumulation of Accomplishments to Create Value in the Illusion, while the Real Value as Life – Here, Equal, Born as a Child – is Disregarded as the Luck of the Draw, as the Lot is Casted to find the Greatest Philosophy while Life suffers in Unspeakable ways.

Intellect is the ancestor of greed as the accumulation of accomplishments to create value in the illusion. Most often think we’re not accomplished enough or we don’t have enough experience or we don’t have enough money to think we’re leaders or the top 1%, that is an outflow of the implied definition of intelligence. Intelligence is comparative and automatically makes winners and losers, intelligent or not intelligent.

The thing that makes this debate possible is Life, that thing that animates all things. So what is the value of this Life that enables all the possibilities to argue or agree? How does this Life fit into the definition of intelligence and what role does it play, first in the normal ‘most people know’ context, second in a definition of intelligence that would support all Life?

Without your Life, nothing matters because you do not exist. What “exists” that claims without all things I won’t matter, is an emotional line of reasoning which to me, sounds like my copy of The Money System personified into an inner voice in myself that judges good and bad and places above all else, having Money is good (all that moulds me to be a person that most others will seriously consider buying my services, regardless of how violent that is, how nonsensical those rules can be, how much suffering I see around me, my personal bubble personal microscopic reality distinctly separated into two unique parts: my living and striving under the pursuit of happiness, and the rest of the world), having Money is good and having none is bad, nullifies and sort of sums up that no matter what strengths I have, I have no money so I sincerely believe I’m worthless. So above is an absolute number one importance placed on money as the ultimate indicator of how good I’m doing or am, even more important than my Life. In the context of intelligence that most people know, the pursuit of intelligence under the pursuit of happiness is mirroring the Philosopher’s Stone game. Where in consumerism, everyone is a Philosopher with a Stone/opinion based on Exclusivity, competing for superiority and for resources/money. I see this in the young people that want to be entrepreneurs, in the people that want to achieve higher in the corporate ladder, in people that want to earn more money. Because when one wants to earn more money and do it for real, it’s either the route of somehow acquiring more intelligence, the route of being more social or networking, or the popularized route of cheating by really cheating other people or make money quick schemes passive income. Cheating is not a viable long term plan because people over time will get to know who you are, and if that is a cheater, means you’ll have to keep moving. Now it was suggested by Jordan Peterson that it’s best to be competent/one of the best at what you’re doing, and be reciprocal in your relationships.

Most would argue intelligence is more important than Life, while people are embarassed if they are not one of the best at what they do or they don’t have a regular source of income because of what they do. Feelings of inferiority come up when being a NEET or a hikikomori, the feeling that you are separated from the crowd and living off someone else’s money, you feel you have not as much dignity as the office workers.

But think about it: without you living, once you die, money doesn’t and can’t matter anymore, how well toned and muscular you are doesn’t and can’t matter, we really don’t know if other people – the other people you feel alienated from – will matter anymore but we know we die alone. It’s a personal alone journey to the other side. How good you are at doing earthly tasks doesn’t and can’t matter anymore. How well you can come up with ideas or plans or visions of earthly proportions doesn’t and can’t matter. Your previous earthly intelligence is rendered completely alien to the other world you enter at death, and intelligence doesn’t and can’t matter once you die. What is emphasized at death is not how intelligent you are, what’s emphasized is the cycle of life that includes death in its considerations, that fact that you DIE, while your body decomposes and dust to dust. How intelligent do you have to be to experience your last breath before you die?

So looking above everything I’ve described, intelligence is fucking important because it’s a precursor to having lots of money and a stable source of income even more important than Life. Life is that thing that can pay attention and is your physical human body’s flesh. And how often do we think about our physical flesh? Only when we become ill and have diseases. In the meantime, Life is treated as an absolute that we can spend as we feel like it, when we like it, how we like it. It’s like Life is the slave to intelligence and to money and money is the master, implying your intelligence is the master of your destiny that festers as well because intelligence is the progenitor of greed.

Dumb people don’t think about money so to speak. Intelligent people do and care about alot more earthly things in the end to earn what we think we deserve to be thought of well and good and right by most other people. Life is secondary to the Philosopher’s Stone game and being one of the few Philosophers that’s got a stone/idea that will bring infinite wealth to him/herself. Life is thought less of. Life is abused to be one of the best Philosophers. Life is moulded in the image and likeness to be alike to the best Philosophers, the best businessmen and entrepreneurs. Life is chastised and disciplined if it’s not resulting to me being one of the best. Life is burned off like burning off time, or burning out, or burning up your youth. Life is feared to be lost, feared to deteriorate over time. Money is number one. Intelligence second, Life last, reflected in the lives of all Life and the other half of humanity living off is it $1 a day?

When I put it that way, living has the possibility of being like a sort of hell in the trenches living. Intelligence as an idea in human minds has not helped Life. Intelligence and lack of has formed the basic reason for why suffering exists and why suffering is a normal part of Life. Smartasses designing our advertising and TV shows, their aim is to make money, just like you, no matter how or what it takes. Putting it that way intelligence has fueled the suffering, given possible reasons why it should be here, why it cannot go away, why the world cannot change. Intelligence forced many a people into a corner, and our survival instinct to protect me in spite of harming others kicks in and we’re relying on our survival instinct to accrue the personal definition of intelligence that will make us win. We rely on the possibility of having no money to motivate us to evolve our intelligence to be the better Philosopher.

What about money no longer being a factor in scarcity forcing me to ask myself, what do I really want out of my life? What about the living fact of living to motivate me, instead of fear of loss and fear of survival, fear of having no more money? What if our lives were valued above our intelligence to make money for the assured future of money?

We’ve deified money/capitalism/entrepreneurship and personal intelligence/greed/success/wealth, instead of valuing Life above all else. In redefining intelligence to support Life, to in other words support a definition of Life where suffering is annihilated for the most part and limited to the dimensions that are necessary, Life as an idea is thought of as more important. Life is the mother to its son intelligence and its grandson greed.

The real question is how do we prove Life is more important? Right now money is made to be master over life. Implement a Basic Income Guaranteed then human lives matter more than money itself. Implement an Equal Money System then human living in dignity and trust matter more than money itself.
People like me need to critically reexamine our values and realize this money game is rigged and unfair to begin with. Under the name of intelligence atrocities motivated by money flourish like war and rape, or its acceptable kind called public inappropriate touching which is a problem in Japan. 48% of women in Japan have been touched inappropriately in the subway.

People like me need to stop deifying the idea of startups, technology, stop worshipping money itself. Because that would mean completely allowing and accepting the money game as it is, which is brutal and compromising to human life. The Philosopher’s Stone game has devastated all forms of Life, especially human life in how it has moulded and shaped the way our young entrepreneurs think and decide and behave. The game has moulded and shaped our CEOs to think and decide decisions that cut millions of their own jobs, decimated the many to preserve the few. The game is shaping our laws to cater to 1% at the expense of 99%.

We need to understand money supports human beings. And the variation which human beings think about values and what is supposed to go where is extreme. The different ways people think contradicts each other, and money supports both sides. What I mean is money can be coming your way, but what it’s supporting as the mental concepts and values and ways of thinking in you personally, that needs to be reexamined purely because it’s evident it can be wrong. It can be the very thing that is allowing greed to flourish, as we observe of the masses and news. Money is supporting the best and the worst of us, the rightest and the wrongest of us. It supports Bill Gates and the yakuza. It supports war and a definition of peace that allows war to flourish in certain parts of the world.

A comparatively practical definition of intelligence would not be the means with which we get rich, but instead the intelligence to educate and remind ourselves and each other what is more important. Money or Life. Greed or Life. Intelligence or Life. Self Interest or Life. Then intelligence is a living word that is all inclusive and encourages and supports all of us, instead of intelligence being a word that again divides and separates us, makes us supermen and women instead of what we need to be, human. Made of flesh and bone, vulnerable, dependent yet independent.

I’m interested to hear what your definition of intelligence is.

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Day 729: The Risks And Dangers Of Family

Because family is too close and intimate, commonly the worst in each other is brought out and allowed to fester within each other. While public friendships and relationships of all kinds have an air of indifference, it’s also because of this distance that nothing is said that hurts you emotionally. Really family can, has a big chance of, be some kind of hell.

Family has always been based on blood but as I see with most people, they would trade in blood relations for a family based on common values and goals. It’s too common to see parents think they’ve supported someone because they are paying for all of it, when support is largely not money. Support is the foresight to give up impulsive words to replace them with the sentences that encourage people and give them their fair share of trust. Too often I see parents as leaders thinking by giving orders to do homework or whatever’s productive people’s first instinct is to follow and obey. Parents think they already know the troubles facing their children while they don’t know yet instruct solutions that divorce themselves from the problems. Sure they’ve gone through and survived their own adolescence, but it must be repeated that everyone is different in their temperament though the props and the human body are the same. Meaning because of different temperament and a different value system that assigns values differently, how people organize their lives are often opposite to each other, conflicting, while the goal is the same to live their lives with responsibility and a sense of their own abilities and potential always in sight.

There is more than one way to skin a cat. There is more than one way to live a human life and live out a disciplined routine. Schedules emphasize the space-time part of living but must be supplemented with a good grasp of one’s own weaknesses and a very active cooperation with the weaknesses constantly thinking of solutions to one’s own problems. It’s said to be the most free, and have the most freedom in the context of a human life, one requires to first learn discipline. That’s in the form of a schedule or a routine with set times in the day to do specific things like eat and sleep and work and play. The freedom is within the framework of a disciplined schedule or routine, then people have the freedom to do more or more important things.

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Day 728: What Are the Best Leaders and What Of The Soviet Union?

I listened to three hours of Jordan Peterson, half on leadership, half on the Soviet Union. It’s quite nice to hear one voice saying verbatim what responsibilities the modern man is expected to take now that laws are in place and institutions built and a game designed. Turns out it’s best to follow the rules and break them only when necessary for a higher good that your boss and everyone else will realize afterwards. As a leader it’s best to feign ignorance and listen profusely with no preconceived ideas about the problems to the bottom people the people in the trenches, and give them the voice to suggest solutions and not being too agreeable, yet maintaining a basic trust between each other to uphold each other’s responsibilities in a corporation.

For free, I got to hear an interview with an ex-military general of USA, and someone familiar with the history of the Soviet Union who happens to be ex-SEAL.

I thought the services Jordan Peterson was giving in the personality test and the writing course he contributed to were going to be really expensive, but turns out it’s 10 and 30 dollars respectively. Desteni has competition and it’s priced competitively. Desteni has its DIP, which in my experience wasn’t helpful at all, and maybe implementing Peterson’s writing course into the DIP or vice versa would make both better.

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Day 727: What Should Be The Value Of Money?

What value should every person give to money if all people are to live harmoniously amongst each other in harmony and actively creating peace on Earth? In the context of the money system capitalism we have established right now, in consideration of all the facets of human nature and its strengths and weaknesses, its utility and burden.

Money:
– money is the measurement of all movement in physical reality
– with money you can do the things and move in the personal way that satisfies you personally to the ultimate degree. As satisfied as any human being can be existing in physical reality
– money can be used to support and manifest any idea into the minds of men, and many ideas into a reality
– money has been supporting and manifesting the worst and protects the bad and evil in human beings, protects bad and evil human beings, and there is great contrast with what money supports according to the person
– current money, i.e. capitalism, has directly nurtured and made flourish a porn industry, organised criminal organisations, rape, murder, war and with war weapons, a psychology that leaves this money system unquestioned and unquestionable and leaves the drug industry unquestioned and protected in spite of the consequences of the greed of the drug industry, engineering that leaves car manufacturers and fossil fuel industries more powerful than the engineers themselves thus creating consequences like cars consuming at least 30% more fuel than they actually need and silencing any inventions that conflict with these two industry’s interests in making profit
– capitalism means profit is the highest good, consequences don’t matter
– as the information so far alludes to, money is also the ultimate temptation to dedicate oneself to one’s self interest against what is best for all, the temptation to live greedily and violently subduing some to undignified daily living and environment, social economic and so on

Basically money supports the entirety of each one human being, regardless of which polarity you are born into, an abundance or lack of money, money shapes us quite dominantly. So the variation of what money supports is so great, the contrast so stark that a physical majority is forced to suffer in whatever dimensions exist about suffering. Meaning everyone is unhappy and unfulfilled and suffering in some way because money exists as it does right now.

As people’s personalities are left unregulated and what people value is not screened for safety because the difference between a model citizen and greedy powerful people is only their values, violence is an unbalanced value system allowed to fester in a person’s life long enough that they actually harm and abuse other people, what is deciding the rules of engagement with each other, i.e. money system, right now is greed and people that are greedy.

The reason why people are hardwired to always choose greed and why we inflict the worst of ourselves to reality is because throughout history, not one single figure has figured out how to give their children a boundary where what draws the line is abuse. And figured out how to articulate that boundary in the way that allows for the greatest freedom where their children can teach themselves with the children viscerally knowing they cannot be boldly violent towards any human being, one of the because’s is because that means they allow and can expect themselves to get fucked by someone and they viscerally know they cannot complain because that’s what they are doing.

If any person figured that out, they weren’t smart enough to realize this is a practical necessity that needs a majority of practitioners for a peaceful humanity, a world in peace, a world where danger is understood to the extent that people won’t pursue dangerous paths and are happier because they don’t create unnecessary danger against other people: violence. They were selfish in only speaking this knowledge for their own children alone in the definition of a family: a blood family, instead of a humanity family. Making out the family to be a pretty bloody and violent idea in the sense that parents find out the greatest advantages they can give to their blood related children, give it to them, and instruct and convince the children to be violent through competition blaming the world for being one big competition while what’s dictating that is capitalism, is money right now. In other words, teaching their own children to take as much advantage of other people as they can possibly justify towards everyone else, ignoring the consequences they create for the majority of their acquaintances which is what humanity is: the majority of people. Inducing without realizing they are the reason for inequality and the destructive contrast their money is dictating.

No, not even Bernard Poolman figured out how to articulate that boundary in the way that everyone understands and can understand. And he’s a bright example of what people can say to support anyone and everyone listening. He was successful at saying stuff that fiddled around with your value system and challenged your ideology and personality, all within the context of what would be best for everyone. So if you persisted with your personality AGAINST what’s best for all, you’re THE reason for all suffering and all abuse regardless whether you realize it or not. Freedom compromising what is best for all is the definition of what abuse is.

What value should every person give to money?
– Having money is the ultimate test of your character to the ultimate degree exactly because money quantifies all movement and having money gives you most freedom of movement
– Money is either the ultimate temptation or the ultimate responsibility, and there is no grey area, you’re either living one or the other
– Love doesn’t exist, i.e. love cannot and will not come into your life until you have some money to call your own
– No money and no prospect of gaining money through your work means no love can or will enter your life, no consideration or caring can or will enter your life. People will smile but they won’t care about you
– Having money means you’re supporting exactly what the money system is and is doing to reality in its entirety, so you can be born with money and the responsibility exists though most don’t realize it especially young children don’t realize their birthright responsibility and start off somewhat spiteful
– Having a job means you’re face to face with the question, “What is my responsibility for the money system making reality what it is with people competing and deceiving each other?”; means you become responsible for making sure capitalism ends and something else will replace it that gives what one would like to receive to the ultimate degree

That’s all I have, and I’m not sure.

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Day 727: Wondering

A few things on my mind. There’s a barrier between being normal friends, and close friends that I’m thinking about. There’s perhaps a few requirements that need to be met before someone takes you seriously and tells you more exclusive information and knowledge. Communication has become a game, where you’re supposed to challenge the good will and good faith of another and see how much you can get away with taking advantage of the person before they react to you. And it’s almost assumed that you will react in self defence, and that’s one of the requirements for someone else to take you seriously. Give cautiously, and take initiative to receive some more.

Give as you would like to receive and expect nothing in return. Because of this premise I enforce, my relationships are really simple. But also because of this, I have no intimate relationships. No one tells me anything, but that’s assuming the information is valuable, maybe my assumption is wrong and it’s just another manifestation of greed in mankind. Weirdly enough though, because I have four count breathing, I feel like I’m ready to accept any truth and I don’t have to react.

Smoking as a profitable industry is odd enough: you’re selling a personality around a small cylindrical object that’s consumed. It’s assumed that what you’re doing is within the boundaries of morality and good, so it’s good that I sell addiction to a worthless object because I’ve managed to convince everyone else that you must buy this to use it, and I’ve managed to make a business out of selling addiction. Doing something functional for a corrupt money system is similar. I’ll think of a solution to your specific problem, but in return give me a little piece of personal heaven through money and I won’t ask questions about how everyone else is doing. I’ll submit to your will and I will believe it’s the will of the money system, God, everyone else to be so exploited and in poverty. I’ll believe that one man’s will is not one man’s, but The will of capitalism itself and accept and allow this one percent’s will to fester at the cost of everything and everyone else.

How about alcohol as a noble industry? You’re selling a substance that invariably brings out the worst in people and makes this world more dangerous than it needs to be. Sure it’s expensive so that’s why I have a family and yachts to sail with, but because I have money I’m good. I’m an example that this economic system works because I’ve become successful convincing others that selling alcohol is legal. If it were me I would rather earn alot less without blood stained on what I stand for, my business, a manifestation of me.

Pharmaceutical industry dictating the medical industry. Selling pills that people need because I’m not willing to perfect their genes before they’re born purely so they won’t contract diseases and abnormalities and can grow up as a normal human being, nothing about superior genetics making superior people that’s smarter for example. Placebo and nocebo effect in epigenetics. The fact that daily behaviour and attitude can induce the placebo effect and fly in the face of all data and statistics and be healed back to normal through healthy behaviour. Doctors subservient to money, to power of drugs and drug industry. Having pleasant lives at the acceptance and allowance of their profession to be curated by the legal drug industry, inducing a form of evil where the most benign doctor is also innocent but guilty the same way anyone living with money is innocent but guilty for accepting and allowing this money system to exist. That promotes deforestation, annihilation, abuse of power, abuse of ethics, abuse of people and animals and plants and environment which is pretty much everything reality is.

Back to my first paragraph, I’m pondering about how people behave. My ex-boss was interested if I was going out to work or not. I suspect because she’s successful in her area, and she wanted to confirm her superiority to me and that I’ve made the wrong decision to leave her company and whatever job I have lined up for me is inferior and makes me inferior to her job and what she is. It was the only thing she wanted to know. She doesn’t care or want to know that I left because they were taking advantage of me while not reciprocating and purposely avoiding my ears when talking about our company. I visited the place only to confirm my suspicions that I was clearly not privy to some of what they were talking about. You may blame it on position, but it can’t be just position because today, I was visiting an ex-employee 4 years older than me that was working parttime and he was invited to participate in the chit chat.

I’m not so sure if people are just more complex than me or more selfish, am I going in the wrong direction while they are in the right one why? Why? Why does living in this world right now have to be so warmongering? Life isn’t a game but it’s being played like one.

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Day 726: Noting Some of What Jordan Peterson Is Saying

This is to distill three hour’s worth of an interview by Joe Rogan with Jordan Peterson.  Source: link

Men are interested in things (gadgets, inanimate objects, technology), women are more interested in people.

STEM fields pay more, and STEM work is scalable. Men are more high risk high reward. Jobs that involve directing people are seen as less valuable by merit of salary.

Tough women can beat a variety of men, but a really tough man can beat all women. Physical differences between a man and a woman.

We’re allowed to be prejudiced towards men or women in sexual relationships. Preferences are prejudices, and when is being prejudiced acceptable?

Hierarchies aren’t necessarily predicated on power. Human hierarchies are based on competence. There are hierarchies in competition, there are always going to be some people better at solving one problem than others creating a hierarchy. Need to criticise the structure of hierarchies to prevent a hierarchy based on tyranny or power alone. The basics of a society is how we treat the bottom of the hierarchy, there will be always people at the bottom of a hierarchy and satisfying them is the foundation of a stable society.

Competition nestled within a frame of cooperation. Example is hockey, everyone follows the same rule, plays positions, does the same thing, have the same goals.

iPhones are products of intense competition with aspects of cooperation.

A way to view the history of human technological progress is people have been living under relatively high pressure and stress in a relatively dangerous environment, cooperating to create as much security as they can muster at the time.

In high positions of authority, it’s far easier to get called out on things. You’re responsible for more and more people. If your relationships with people aren’t personal and aren’t good, becoming one of these people is near impossible. People are interested in games because they are a microcosm of reality, you find out who the other person is fairly easily.

Learn how to handle failure, victory. The goal is to get excellent and be invited to play. Learn to play reciprocally and ethically. People watch sports to see the physical manifestation of people developing expertise and cooperating and supporting as many players in the spirit of fair play and in an excellent way. Wayne Gretzky played the game properly and played with a high level of excellence.

Society is always between the good king and the evil king. The citizen’s responsibility is to amplify the good one and keep the evil one under control.

Every position is up looking down. There’s a great personal benefit and satisfaction to teaching younger people that are chosen on competence. Power is not the best strategy to success. Competence and the capacity for giving back to others is the superior strategy to success.

Carry aspects of suffering, certain problems of suffering, according to your tolerance of suffering, and bear the weight of responsibility to solve those problems. There’s an optimal load to voluntarily taking up responsibility for certain aspects of suffering you prefer to solve.

Too much order means only doing what you know. Too much chaos means you’re placing yourself in too much danger and might hurt yourself. You’re competent at what you’re doing but pushing yourself enough that you’re growing. Exploratory and play systems to drive you forward while your negative emotions sensing danger are activated. You should push yourself beyond your limits of tolerance to see how much you can handle. How much work and socialization you can do? Discover your limits to sit on that edge between order and chaos, disciplined fun is recommended. Living is a discipline; music is discipline.

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Day 725: My Political Dispensation As Of January 2019

Today a thought cropped up of why I was attracted and still am attracted to Desteni. Or more precisely, aspects of Desteni that is not found in modern mainstream avenues. Firstly, Bernard Poolman was freaking supportive and saw through people then supported them in a way I’ve never experienced. Sure I may have been in Hong Kong, but only by typing my words he seemed to know what was bothering me and he seemed to do his best in framing the question of living in the best possible light. In light of his death, I sort of see the lack of direction Desteni as a movement has been.

I encountered topics and moral questioning that would usually be reserved for the most intimate of friendships, which thinking about it I don’t know how to strengthen or be a good friend that people would cherish. And by that time of encountering Desteni on YouTube in 2008, I had a lengthy career as a student and almost all of my initial enthusiasm was drained by a system that needed to propagate itself and keep itself alive and have privately comfortable lives over anything that I required intellectually to mature and recognize responsibility. In a way, life is one big demand on your life isn’t it? When you’re born it’s demanded of you to grow physically healthy. When you’re of age it’s demanded of you to keep up with school and academics are implied to be your survival requirement to stay within the family. Knowing nothing more and nothing less at that age you believe it. And when you’re of age again it’s demanded of you to be successful and anything other than success is met with reluctance, animosity, deep loathing, complacency.

I have a theory. Applying to all ages, a person gleams what their environment expects of them and places as a requirement or hurdle before that person can live the life they want. The whole balancing act between addressing personal needs and the needs of a modern society and the life skill associated is left to God and is largely left untouched by parents, teachers, friends, family, you name it. I can approximately predict that when I’m old, the needs of my human body will alert itself to me, and I can approximately predict that money won’t be as large an issue as right now in my 20s. Dying well and enjoying life I guess will replace my obsession to be beautiful. That said, I don’t see myself as obsessed with being beautiful. I’m resolute about being clean and proper, maybe that’s just an offshoot of being beautiful.

Then you have moral beauty, physical beauty, practical beauty, everything seems to go in one direction doesn’t it?

Through my eyes, living a quiet conforming life is modern evil. Taking for granted a money system and an economic system that demands alot from everyone and takes away the necessities from the many and gives luxuries to the few, taking my birth and my position for granted is evil. Especially when money has become the constitution of man, in a world of contracts, it’s a play on words to agree for money to become something that gives in abundance for really everyone. Capitalism takes as your boss takes, as your parents take, while people with full awareness are in a ploy to gain your good will and trust.

We’re in a transition period where the end would be the end of capitalism and when money becomes a giver again. As Bernard Poolman showed, for example the end would be when an Equal Money System is legally and politically asserted to be the world policy. Not to imply there would be nothing left to do, we are making a big mess and no one not even God is in a position to clean it up = we’re going to dedicate a few generations to cleaning up our own mess.

What I had hoped Desteni would become is a place where people could talk about things that really mattered and there was a silent agreement that we would only keep what’s best for all, so that speaking your opinion can come with a consequence that’s enjoyable in the long run because you see how you yourself benefit and everyone else benefit. They’re having problems with money. And I don’t think they’ve articulated their position succinctly and in the uplifting way that they aspire their own EQAFE interviews to be. The kind of material Desteni is producing now would fit in the modern self improvement success category of books. But instead they’ve taken an existential approach and alienated everyone else.

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Day 724: When A Bird Leaves Its Nest

In another way, I have been abandoned by my mother. I remember the times when I wanted to run away because my way of life was so stifling and stale ever since switching schools from my first one. In a way, while my mom is here she is not here. She’s not here with me, to support me. She has her own life to lead and so she takes care of the outside world responsibilities, puts money on the table. From money you get an environment, but it’s still missing something like a form of attention to shape what I will be. In that sense there’s freedom, but how is not teaching altogether a bird how to survive and then wishing it to grow up and become independent, how is that freedom? How is leaving a person’s teaching to the gods freedom?

And how is leaving me to society to teach me any good? I see more ill behaviour than I do noble ones. I’m feeling alone and inside I’m rooting for myself to ‘stand up’. I suppose standing up means admitting what I am lacking and taking that from others. Until I have the credentials and ability to take the job “I want”, a teaching job. But this doesn’t change the way I feel about society and how it abandons people by surrounding them. I am unsatisfied with the way I left education and how it’s teaching the future. The thing about the future is it grows up and becomes the past.

I have 5 years left before I leave my prime. I feel old in my prime. I suppose the past in a way was my emotional dependence on my mother for myriad of reasons. The consequences of believing entertainment and an awkward puberty left a minority of people in power with money, and the rest with close to nothing, while I have nothing to show for it. All the years of video games, anime, movies, nothing. When Bernard Poolman was still around, he gave me sound advice. But what he suggested I do which was side with this group Desteni, I regret not living my fullest when I could as a student. I regret siding with a group that doesn’t know how to communicate with another person personally. As it stands, Desteni has become an offshoot of religion with its vocabulary. I seriously envisioned it to be something more than the afterlife and Heaven and the Portal. A place where prejudices could be purified and people could talk about serious stuff seriously. I thought I could be myself and talk about what I want, but I have my blog for that.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been perplexed by how people treat each other. How they treat me.

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Day 723: No Two Lives Are Ever The Same

Today YouTube recommended a video by Steph Choi about her confessing to one of her past crushes. I thought she was playing social mind games with him, so I looked deeper into her past videos. I saw her testimonial of growing up in a cult.

We all know while our life can get pretty shitty, there are people with shittier lives than us, born into shittier conditions and circumstances, but it doesn’t quite feel like it until you hear a personal story by one person. Then you begin to compare your life with hers, and see the long and short, good and bad, of your own life more clearly. My life was the rough opposite of this girl’s childhood. All I heard was positivity and believe and express your truth, your opinion is your truth, what you can believe in is your reality. I got philosophically lost in the positive messages and as a consequence of losing my moral compass, I despised everything I did. Somehow, Christian influences and concepts like loving a girl is sinful and masturbating is sinful trickled down into my personal philosophy, it was just something I knew, like how I knew Einstein and Superman existed. Succumbing to obsession and temptation, also known as lust, I drove myself mentally into a corner and with a bad timing of events happening in my life, like losing my network of friends by graduating highschool, making superficial friends that I could not trust to help me in university, succumbing to a selfish attraction to the entertainment industry and that indescribable sex drive or lust, and instilling myself with the idea that my only way to live was to graduate from university, I failed my first year and licked my proverbial wounds fucked back to Hong Kong.

And I loathed myself. I realized the selfish aspect of mainstream culture and society. I was no longer chained yet still dependent on a school where I could make friends. All of my friends were abroad studying in university. At this moment I really felt like I was alone in a sea of nameless people, stripped of my social status and casted into the group of NEETs. Being a prideful person myself, I was genuinely afraid of people calling me out while, with no job education or training, I felt like I had no one to speak to and no one that would understand what I was going through. Therefore I had no one soul that understood anything about me; what you believe becomes your reality. Only seeing the short of modern society and slowly realizing the short of modern entertainment, I felt I was born into a world where I was supposed to have no one and nothing.

See your life as an engineering project where you direct every stage to perfection in your life: from sowing to reaping over an entire life. That was the last advice from a person I admired whose words are still engraved into the Internet, who died. Too bad, I alienated my entire highschool siding with this group, forbid myself from relationships and avoiding sex entirely because of this group, he’s dead so I can have no more advice from him forever. What bad timing.

So with no parents or any one that lived inside my gut to know everything about me already, I really believed I was living to meet a dead end in the very near future. No job path. No education that was supportive. No friends in my life that were ever supportive in a social and communicative context. My time to waste was up. I was 18.

Becoming increasingly paranoid and unable to socially express myself, I gradually stayed in my room longer and longer for three years. At least until I became psychotic and triggered a disease in me called psychosis. Those days were hellish when I was psychotic, but at least it was stimulating and interesting and exciting – the complete opposite of the life I thought I was doomed to live. And having a hard reset like psychosis in your life makes you think less and think less of yourself or your position in life.

Side note. As a normal human being, when your mom grips your clothes in a death grip saying you have a problem and you need to see a psychologist, it’s not exactly programmed into normal human beings to think “I have a psychological disease or problem” and become submissive to your mom. When your entire history as a human being up to that point was normal, and someone exclaims you have a problem with your mind, you would think they’re crazy.

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Day 722: A Poker Face and a Basic Income Don’t Go Together

I figured I’d write today. Isn’t it strange that the more righteous or political you are, the more necessary it is to hide your reactions and keep your values hidden? Not really values but what you’re aiming to do and how you’re going to do it. It seems like yesterday that a book store selling anti China and HK independence books literally got caught by China and is probably sitting in a jail somewhere in China. It alludes to the power of the big brother over a tiny country son. Each other’s place is made clear with this move by China. And speaking of China, and speaking of politics, it’s interesting to note the personality of China and the US. Another showdown from big brother to little brother, I think it’s relevant because it sort of demonstrates how people interact with each other. On one hand both are espousing fairness and justice, on the other both are probably wrong in some way having done something to one another for one’s interests. It’s assuring to see China ruled with seeming oneness and unity by/through its president and the government policies that did a 180 on the lives of the majority of its own people. It’s worrying to see the US focusing on personal success and wealth doing so at the expense of their majority citizens sometimes even at their expense, meaning with their money. The US has been making a mess of its education system, and leaving most hanging onto their jobs while the jobs get shittier. I don’t know about China’s education system, but it’s pretty obvious they have many clever minds starting to work together and in spite of lack of education in some cases, they more than make up for it in work ethic, China continues to promote its own culture and the hard work necessary to reap the seeds we sow.

I visit China and I go, “Hey, malls actually have standards and healthy competition is promoted amongst restaurants to compete for prime real estate in their famous malls.” At the same time, fraud and theft is a problem in China. We say it takes time for a country’s people to change their basic personality or instincts, but I’ve yet to see any country do anything about their own country’s people through government policy from the motivation of making the people more equitable, and through that improving their country’s reputation. Switzerland was born into its wealth and position, sort of like what happens when a child is born on Earth: first world country or somewhere else.

Very indirectly though, I see China making moves in how it’s framing the problem of money to its citizens. We live in a flawed money system, but the government will do everything in its power to give all its people the choice to work and to work for a decent salary compared to the cost of living. We hear of people doing pretty obvious things but when it’s done in China, there’s much money to be had from it. And China has embraced technology down to its common people, and seeing an opportunity it’s pushing technology to be China’s flagship company so to speak. In a giant chaebol called China, think of Samsung, it’s using cutting edge technologies to promote itself as a world power and collect bargaining chips for itself as a country.

Meanwhile the US is dumbing down its own population with the education system and putting people into debt and forcing people into corners. It’s not like China doesn’t force people into corners, but you see the government supporting where it matters – in economic policy and subsidies to the correct industries – and giving the majority of its people a favourable choice when asking the question how to make my living. I’m pretty certain for someone old with little education and/or work experience, it’s easier to find a well paying job in China than it is in Canada; my dad’s an example of this. He was an advertising executive in HK, immigrated to Canada starting his own business in soybean products, then the business went bust and he settled for a really low paying job in Canada polishing tiles I think. He’s way happier living in China where there’s work that pays better with a lower cost of living.

What on earth is the US doing reserving its own money for its own elite by funnelling everyone else’s money into their own pockets at their expense, making only its expensive education systems effective while rendering all other education systems worthless? Pretty soon you’ll have an undemocratic angry mob which is partly why Donald Trump was elected president. Then you have the unwilling elderly people that do nothing and say nothing in a public manner, thinking the best option is to live quietly comfortably in a corner of the country. Leaving positions of responsibility to selfish people that don’t know better.

I observe people that say they aren’t serious but are secretly serious about doing something right and seriously do it right. I don’t put a high value on these sorts of people. They never share what they know and only plot for their own benefit. It’s been years since slacking off was cool, but there’s still this invisible stigma that if you are straightforward with your seriousness about yourself and where you’re going and what you’re doing, you’re not cool. Then people play social games putting on a happy face while leaving seriousness in a strictly alone circumstance. I ask whether this kind of people will make the world a better place to live in for the people around him/her, and I don’t see it. Just like I don’t see people playing politics and having the best poker face with the best invisible intentions and principles as making the world a better place for everyone. Someone like Andrew Yang putting himself up for president and people voting for him only on the merit of his support for a UBI (Universal Basic Income), someone that’s straightforward and reacts normally would be a nice president to hear about in the news.

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