Day 506: Fear List 22 October 2017

List of Fears 22 October 2017

I fear dying
I fear being murdered
I fear illness
I fear disease
I fear chronic pain

I commit myself to show that living a life with principles that are best for all Life will prevent illness, disease, and unnecessary pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when pain is here, the universe is saying I am ready to face this pain to uncover the lesson within and behind it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when pain is here, usually by accident, my body has given permission for the pain to exist while I am not here aware in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that living in fear of pain means just that, an entire life lived according to that which triggers fear of pain in me, a life of being controlled and manipulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when the pain is here instead of standing up within myself within the pain to live here in every breath breath by breath.

I fear being humiliated in front of everyone
I fear being embarassed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that the ultimate form of humiliation is that moment when I had the choice to investigate and/or introspect before speaking up but I said no and when I am exposed, I have no choice but to change or be the laughing stock of everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everyone else for my own lack of common sense when I do or say something, and that doing or saying is proven to be but an opinion in front of everyone else, instead of expressing gratefulness to everyone else for in essence giving me the ready made solution where all I have to do is just walk it to self correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to prevent being exposed by exposing myself in writing before such circumstances can manifest, so that I face my own bullshit in my own garden before I have any chance of being humiliated.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed the belief that common sense requires a lengthy study of complexity, instead of realizing that it is the simplicity of every moment of breath. I breathe in, I experience what is here taking responsibility as one participant in the circumstances, I am honest to myself about my experience, I breathe out, I forgive myself for any reactions and live and apply the forgiveness to correction.

I fear having not enough money to eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if I go work, I must make the most of work and give it my all, so that I basically become very picky about what job I will stay in long term.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time and money to prepare myself adequately for being a good cello teacher.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been fearing not being prepared since the beginning, and that fear has still not manifested as a living condition, so in essence I have been living in fear and according to fear, instead of placing my energy where it matters the most, in every solid moment of breath waiting for my direction and application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own creation as this world, by not standing up and taking responsibility for this world every aspect of it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things that I know in my current understanding do not understand, to fear things I have no control over, instead of stopping the fear to apply myself in what I do know and understand about creation in general and leave my future environment to fate, while I apply myself fully to creating an environment I can be proud of right now.

I fear becoming a tree/plant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought that if I were a tree, I would be bored to death “because” I won’t be able to move and speak the way I do now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demonize everything that represent stillness, static, unmoving like trees and plants instead of exploring who I am within being still, static in thought, word, and deed. In thoughts by stopping thinking about them, in words by placing a guard in front of my mouth before I speak and only speaking when something moves me to speak within me, and in deeds by establishing an unmoving unmovable starting point in everything I do.

I fear that which is opposed to my views on Life
I fear the negative
I fear that which is wrong
I fear the bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that because I remember times when I only listened to what others said only to regret not hearing them = I will have the same propensity to deny and reject whatever isn’t “aligned”, instead of making a commitment to watch out for moments when I go into rejection and introspect accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my views about life are right, good, and positive, implying the belief that everyone else’s views are wrong, bad, and negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own world view according to right/wrong, good/bad, positive/negative, instead of carrying a spirit where I am happy to test my world views and challenge them in the faith that they are what’s best for all and when they are not, to simply change them immediately.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the best world view is one that requires no justification or words spoken on my part.

I fear the world having no law, therefore “no order”
I fear myself without rules that I impose on me
I fear blindness, proverbial (not seeing the common sense) and literal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if I do not place laws within me and my living, I will fall into chaos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that a few spoken words internally as ‘laws within myself’ bear more weight than this physical existence in which I exist.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the intelligence of the human body, that it inherently knows what will harm and benefit it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I am inferior to my human body, that I need knowledge and information to educate myself on what is harmful in the world, instead of standing up from within myself to be equal to my human body and experience events and situations and people, to challenge my common sense.

I fear the greedy
I fear having to explain myself to the helpless/poor/vulnerable in society



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Day 505: Life Update

Writing something profound. I reread my blogs and I get the feeling that I’m splitting straws and mincing words. But at the time of writing, it feels like moving a mountain, or a big pile of something. I want to write stuff that people can read and take something away from it, but I’m not Bernard Poolman. He wrote perspectives that I personally love to reread and figure out what is the practical application. But most of his writing points to self responsibility and self forgiveness and ends with a comma, expecting you me the reader to continue the dialogue with practical examples and individualized solutions to commonly experienced events. That I think – the solutions – he left blank purposely as a sign of good faith towards humanity that we know our stuff – ourselves – so we, in a manner of speaking, know exactly what to do to solve the puzzle that is our day-to-day self direction within unknown winds as our Consciousness going up and down but who are you – who am I within ‘my experience of the event’ am I going to give up and fall back on fear or am I going to stand from within myself and direct me to create a world that’s best, in absolute specific detail down to the nitty gritty.

No one is coming to save, rescue, or help any of us, including me. The message of self responsibility has been vehemently denied any air time by media – books, magazines, television, movies – but I think it’s one of the most important. Because nothing works if you don’t work. Everything can work if you are willing to place effort and time into yourself and the task at hand and your life. Pick your poison. That is the message I interpret from mainstream media. So much effort and time is put into showing people all the ways things go wrong, how you can become addicted, how you can give up, how you can lose. It ends up reading like a how-to guide on how to fuck yourself and your life up. But the question remains, who am I within this system? I’ve proven to myself that I have gone above and beyond for ‘my survival’, but I’m still answering for myself the question of how far am I willing to go to create a world that’s best for all so that my survival is guaranteed.

A few glaring weaknesses in my daily living. One, I periodically snap and lose my temper with mom for the approximate reason that she calculates her words and behaviours, to the extent of affecting me and my way of life. Example: she asks me if I would like to finish a plate of food. I ask her, are you going to eat a bit more of it. She says no. To which I react negatively and say the following: “Don’t force me to eat.” She rebuts, “I’m not forcing you to eat it, I’m just asking.” Me: “You calculate everything you do and say.” Silence.

So in this example I feel like I snapped. Mom has her way of doing things, which is absolutely critical of what that involves, and when it involved me like in this example I’m not happy. Conflicts like this have been happening and has happened for quite a while. I know that it’s not natural, you go ahead and do the work to be as calculating as my mom. Am I supposed to force her to stop, is it a situation where I am accepting something less than who I am that I need to stand up? I don’t know yet. What I know is when it involved influencing me to influence the situation or circumstances I get angry.

Two, porn. I’ve made an n teenth commitment to myself to simply not touch it. I’m always curious whether I’m able to watch porn without masturbating. But what I have found out or become honest about is the effects of watching porn. I get generally frustrated at myself for abusing the female form such that when I see females on the street I divert my gaze and get nervous because I know how I am affirming my opinion about the female body/form. There’s always been a guilt aspect. So my personal research and self introspection into effects of porn is loudly negative. That’s why I should stop. It’s really easy to project a future where I don’t watch porn and hope I don’t. It’s another story to face moments of temptation and in spite of the feeling, to not go there. So I’ve had a past record of about two months where I did not watch porn, so I’m confident I can stop. And stop the guilt and frustrated general experience.

Three, I don’t know what to call it. A lack of direction in pursuing a career in music teaching. I’m learning while I play the instrument but to place those realizations in perspective of making money with them, I feel like I’m an arm and a leg away from my ultimate goal of becoming a proper cello teacher. My teacher taught me that nobody can be trusted to teach people to become proper teachers. So I’m very much alone and creating something from nothing in the present circumstance. I’m alone in teaching myself advanced techniques and music theory for cello. I’m not complaining, but sometimes I get frustrated at myself at ‘my idea of good cello teaching’ and my current performance. Creating something real takes a lot of time.

Four, a distinct lack of intimate relationships. No I’ll call it a distinct lack of agreements that I enjoy. Relationships would include the relationship conflicts that normally occur and a time limit or honeymoon period before the relationship goes sour. I can’t call this blog an agreement. Though I enjoy blogging. Virtually all of my relationships seem to have a space in between the other and I, a chasm, where we throw to each other pleasantries and that’s it. No sharing that will stay with another forever. God forbid there be self introspection and a taking of responsibility for ourselves in the relationship. Gossip is normal in relationships apparently, and I simply have no power whatsoever to stop gossip at the root, because the root is everyone else (I’m sorry to say) because I make SURE I don’t speak points about others that I will not take responsibility to solve for them. In other words I make SURE I don’t gossip about others. Yet gossip exists about me. People don’t realize it but the way they walk and talk around me are telltale signs that something is off, you’re not looking me in the eye. I don’t care if this is the norm that is not shared between everyone about. I can’t call my relationship with my mom intimate either. A weakness. The blogging project I’m part of shares more valuable shit than all my relationships throughout my entire life.

Five I can solve this one easy. Too much runny shit. Eat more vegetables and I should be fine.

At this point in time, if I solve all five I think I have a perfect life. If I told you I can solve them here and now part of this blog I’d be lying.

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Day 504: Rush

Rushing. One thing Hong Kong people are famous for is rushing, and I am guilty of it. Lately I have been especially enjoying rushing to the train, to and from work. But is it best for all? No, I had to go back home once because I rushed outside to run an errand and forgot some documents which I needed later in the day. The kind of adrenaline rush you get from rushing is addictive, it makes you feel like a superman. Yet I always think, what’s the difference between going someplace normally and rushing it but a few minutes at most. The overall experience between rushing and not rushing is different. Rushing you get an illusion of movement and “I’m getting things done pronto”. Not rushing, you get reminded of how fragile the human condition is, and the uncertainty of the future, and the absolute certainty of this moment hear. Here. Rushing is like pushing back responsibility for caring for another person’s mental condition because in self righteousness, I live the statement me first, I have to win, I have to rush. And in this me first mentality it seems like we’re winning but in fact everyone wins if you were to see and hear out other people’s feedback, but that you do not do when you’re living me first. Only me and my ego wins when I rush.

Not rushing affirms and drives the point home that the human mental condition is a fragile element in the human experience. By observing and participating in the frequent ups and downs of human feeling and constantly, when not rushing, asking myself “What is the point of this experience?” When I ask myself further “What have I yet to learn from this experience” I realize a disheartening truth. I don’t know everything there is to know about the universe and physical creation, and many of my mannerisms are but opinions lived into reality, mere observations acted upon as if the observations I am making were real. When observations are inferior in every possible way to experiencing the event as participant.

I become more participant when I don’t rush; I stop to observe my world as it flashes by when I rush. So don’t rush things; get to know yourself while you savour every moment of experiencing what is here as participant in physical reality, and you learn about yourself and others much more. The few minutes faster is not worth the mind numbing experience commonly experienced within rushing things. Best to invest those few minutes more to know thyself and fully experience what process is.

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Day 503: Forgiven

Forgiving a dysfunctional relationship. In the end, all wrongs done unto me must be forgiven if I am to create something uninfluenced by vengefulness. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who it is or what the circumstances were, I was a participant in it and taking responsibility for myself means letting it all go and reverting back to a form of good faith. What I can change and do differently is in this moment here and now, so rather than mull in the past – which is easy – forgive the past so that the past does not dictate my future.

What brought about this topic was a night time chat I had with mom. We were discussing about how ‘civilized’ and ‘knowledgable’ this society is, to which I rebutted stating that in a person, they would have done what they thought is best and therefore in a way, everyone thinks they’re wise and civilized and knowledgable. Until it’s proven not. So I was mentioning the hypocrisy of media only showing the advancements in society ignoring the stark consequences it has for everything else than the human race. My mom rebutted in silence. And then from there onward I spoke about how she thought she done her best with raising me up as a child, in spite of all the difficulties I faced such as the systemic failure of education to nurture an understanding of life that is best for all. And that this world system portraying itself to be good and great is like a mother that thinks she done her best. Needless to say, I was not happy with the consequences I had to face because of her call it selfishness. It doesn’t matter what it is though, because in the end I have to forgive her. I HAVE TO. It is not a choice. It is not a choice if I am wanting to live my utmost potential and be a boon for all human beings around me. Benefit human beings unconditionally like the sun benefits all living things here on Earth.

A way to explain this forced forgiveness of another is how can the other change if I keep putting her in a box and thinking she cannot and will not? My forgiveness is giving to her another chance to redeem herself in her work as love made visible. And had I been in the unfortunate position of parent I would have cherished this chance, that can only be given through forgiveness with practical application. In two ways, applying forgiveness in myself as parent with practical application, and the other applying forgiveness for me with practical application so that my habits and patterns that perpetuate ignorance are not supported by the other.


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Day 502: Delaying the Inevitable

Delaying the inevitable. What is obvious: people are going to have to equally understand each other’s fears to the extent that we never abuse each other again. We’re going to equalize in understanding sooner or later about what is Life and and what is the lie and how we individually access life and the lie. So it is for myself: I’m going to inevitably understand the origin of my thoughts, emotions, and feelings acted out as behaviours and habits, and that which is not best for all will be understood to the extent that I know I will be directly harming another if I continue old habits. I don’t think we in general understand our own fears, our own fears is what is propelling us to continue to participate in habits and patterns that aren’t best for us, neither is best for anyone.

If we did understand our own fears, we would have eradicated that which is holding us back and live without regret. Every day would be a fresh start to build some more, rather than a whole maintaining aspect to keep our personalized kingdom that is my mind continually dominating our world.

What sparked this blog is a relapse into a old-ish habit that is clearly not best for all. To which I said to me, I’m just postponing the inevitable. I dislike people meandering when it comes to decisions, so I don’t like how I am meandering when it comes to this decision to stop. I would not like to reincarnate into the abused in relationship to this habit to fully understand the implications of accepting and allowing porn.

If everyone only took that one tiny step of understanding our own fears this world would have been a better place. What is stopping me? Fear of not experiencing something godly. There’s a personal myth in myself that there exist in this world something that gives a godly experience, and my time here on Earth is to find that and be fulfilled and content for the rest of my ilfe with it. Separation. Defining godly feeling to be something outside of me existent, instead of delving deeper into myself to find that special something. Fear of not experiencing a positive feeling that others have access to which I do not. Fear of being left out of a positive experience, fear of abandonment. Which is strange because look how I’m abandoning myself to do anything to get this positive feeling. The illusion is to believe that I am chasing after myself when I am chasing a positive feeling. The reality is I am already here, I need to stop chasing to realize myself here. The illusion is when I slow down and be here with myself, a looming fear encroaches my awareness and threatens to engulf me in a negative full blown depressive emotion. The reality is if I would push through the negativity I would find myself here.

It’s all in reverse. The doom experience is the moment when I succeed in finding myself; the nectar sweet positive experience is when I systematically blind myself further from the painful truth. So this is indication I am not there yet when it comes to transcending the addiction to an emotion and feeling.

Our own fears is what is creating religions, the money modern religion, the traditional religions, the religion of Self. Our own fears is what forces our hand to defend and protect ourselves violently, when what we are is not real because it is done from an observation and not as participant. I see the same arrogance in myself, when I notice someone not acting in a way that’s best for all, instead of understanding their fears and going ‘aha’, I go “what a dick” “aha, you’re threatening my way of life” “fuck off”. Which when I write about it, is all about my own fear causing me to not want to understand the other and treat them like babies: with the utmost care. Why play the executioner when no one fears being executed? My point is, there exists sort of executioners in our world because we fear those very outcomes becoming reality, and so in one fell swoop we’re mind controlled and a slave to people that act like executioners in our world. But only because we aren’t willing to face our fear. So yes if he wasn’t there you would be happier, but he is simply reflecting your fear back to you and so is assisting and supporting and uplifting you in fact to smarten up and stop your fear. Because any fear that you really fear is gonna dictate to you your choices in life, and no one likes to be told what to do.

I met X yesterday only to see myself worrying about how X is blocking me on WhatsApp, convincing me to be rather antagonistic towards X. Obviously X picked this up and further went colder towards me. Then when I ask myself what can I do I can do the opposite to prove to the other and myself that to give what I would like to receive is the key. There was a moment when I was not giving good faith, so I diminished in good faith. Lao Tzu suggested to give good faith when good faith is not given, and to do good deeds to others when they done you an injury, so that you yourself gain in goodness. I guess that’s how physical reality works, I mean I totally understand X being colder because if I were X I would be interacting with a deadpan blunt unforgiving person.

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Day 501: A Description of The Ideal Environment for Common Sense to Grow

Things have been good on my end. I’ve decided on a career path ages ago. I’m working towards that goal, and no conflicts in my circles of relationships. Part of what makes this blog difficult to write is the absence of any conflict. Maybe I’m trying too hard to nitpick myself. The reason for the absence of self forgiveness these past few months is because of no conflict. Nothing that can’t be handled by giving good faith and self application to the task at hand. I bought an expensive earphone a few days ago, but unfortunately it’s not as great as I was hoping it would be; tonally and texturally correct. You know it’s funny how we overlook idle moments like what I’m experiencing, and only register myself as “having done something” when I get money for it or praise. But life is so much more than receiving money and positive commentary from others. What happened to the self enjoyment of being here in this process? I have literally the chance of a lifetime to birth Life from the Physical, I just need to handle each wind with care. I’m imagining myself as a ship sailing towards doing everything best for all, in a sea of Consciousness and winds of Consciousness requiring my self adjustment of the sails of Self. I just need to make time daily for the projects I’ve committed myself to.

There’s a lot that I’m depending on for my career path to be walked. Grit is apparently the defining trait that carries people to success. I cut my right index finger while cleaning a pair of scissors with an alcohol wipe. The pain reminds me how much my human physical body is doing for me to allow me to do my thing. So many things can go wrong with one human physical body, that we sometimes take it for granted. It’s like the first world problem, relationships go sour and we throw a temper tantrum meanwhile there exist people that don’t know where their next meal will be coming from day to day.

The variety of anguish of not having enough money to pay for meals is quite traumatic. I happen to have existed in such a position long enough that I went crazy. Call it naivety whatever you like, not having income and only having expenses is quite an experience. You know you’re slowly dying a money death, the toothpaste and how toothpaste runs out story. I will continue to talk about how an Equal Money System or at least a Living Income Guaranteed will prevent such traumatic experiences from happening to any human being – because he could have been you. Self forgiveness for the spitefulness you impart on this world revealed in your inner conversation, to regain some common sense.

Common sense is one of those things that you don’t know to wish for until it’s gone. Multitude of things are prevented and situations kept secure through a little common sense, but what I realized about it is common sense cannot exist as long as I have an ego about another or the situation or myself. Being righteous and justified in your behaviour is the kryptonite of common sense. So a little pointer I frequently heed is whenever I see myself act righteous or with great conviction see myself as right, I know I got a problem. The problem is no common sense. To relieve the tension in the situation and do what’s best for all participants involved. Being content with the feeling in my fingertips and toes is a pretty good sign that I still have common sense. Because you know, self righteousness and self justification and the gratification that goes with it, takes you away from the feeling in your fingertips and toes. It’s like a vocabulary based pose, you know how people in cartoons used to pose when they do something great, except in self righteousness you pose with the words coming from your thoughts. “I am doing a GOOD job” that’s self righteousness speaking.

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Day 500: Spitefulness as Cause of Your Experience on Earth

Spitefulness. A brief 30 minute interview by Bernard Poolman together with self introspection as to the driving force “behind” my life that is me, I came to an “Aha” moment. I’m experiencing the negative originally caused by my fervent devotion to positive. Let me explain: in my life I had an all encompassing fear which was to be the outcast in society, so I did whatever it took within my environment to mould and shape my environment in such a way that I don’t have to face the people I deceive and harm through promoting the concepts and ideas promoted by society the money system at large. So what has to happen in my life is I have to experience that fate directly and face myself as these low moments BECAUSE I made myself this way. The question to ask is “How do I transcend fear of being an outcast absolute?” By being that outcast charlatan whatever and standing up from that point. If I don’t face my fear as a manifested physical daily experience – as long as it takes for me to transcend my fear – how will I know if I have ever transcended my fear? I can do all the self forgiveness in the world and there will still exist a backdoor where I can easily and simply revert to being the zealot of this world system. Unless I face the manifested consequences that being such a zealot has, in other words unless I become the direct victim of similar zealotry, I will never be absolute in my standing up from my own accepted and allowed fear. I will not completely understand the necessity of stopping promoting things of love and of light. The various things of love and of light are illusions hiding the reality of spitefulness of the illusionist the user the human that promote such ideologies, as I was such an illusionist back then.

This is the kind of moments I want to facilitate in others. Bernard Poolman is a great example of using words to great effect for people, like myself, to face myself.

What else? The interview that I have no choice but to link in the beginning of this blog tells a story from the beginning of Existence. I’m personally uninterested whether this story is real or not, I just see how my life progressed so in line with this timeline of events that Bernard is showing through story telling. Fucking great to understand the basis of all my choices up until recently, well not so recently anymore because I found Desteni in 2010. I personally think Bernard’s version of the History of Mankind to be a fitting summary of events in the supposed history of mankind. Not only that you get to stand within your past, by comparing your life story with this story, and making a decision whether to keep existing in spite or stop. I’m obviously wanting to stop. Hence the public frequent sharing through blogging.

Depression? That’s gone. And it’s interesting, self forgiveness as I understand now is not escape from manifested consequences. Self forgiveness is preparation to face the truth of your life head-on through real time experiences in this world. Some things, like things you genuinely fear, sometimes become so a part of you that there’s no other way but to face it as a manifested experience on Earth experience the wrath you imposed on other people this entire Existence. I think this is important to grasp. That which you impose on others through a form of control now, is a direct reflection of the fears existing within you, that if given enough time and participation on your part, becomes so a part of you that there is no choice but to face it as a manifested experience. Self forgiveness is the easy honourable gentle way to stop this cycle of abuse where you abuse others and, in a way, you abuse yourself through forcing Existence to manifest an experience on Earth for you to face your dishonesty.

This is the kind of material why I support Desteni. We can be so specific – sometimes – to assist in self revelation and self realization.

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Day 499: Personal Advice on Depression

Forgiving depression. It’s important to not define myself according to negative emotions, meaning I either forgive myself for it or I get sucked into it thereby requiring experiences in reality to wake me up. Forgiving depression when it happens is equal to not taking depression personally, to instead open oneself up to understanding the origin of depressive emotions. It’s important to stand in an understanding position instead of further judging myself and believing it’s not there, which is suppression.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve just experienced depression today. That further incites my fiery conviction that being human is not only about self satisfaction. Surely we are happier when all is satisfied, meaning moving as part of a group and doing what’s best for the group because it’s what’s best for the individual you me. This money system religious cult does not facilitate empathy. That’s why everywhere I turn, I am constantly reminded that if I want to make everyone’s life better, I can’t subscribe to every value the money system hard sells through its domination as money. I can’t be of this world when the only things advertised are selfishness and greed, I have to be in this world but not of it. Just making clear to myself what I have to do seems to make depression go away, because hesitation goes away while I erase it through doing the things that will accumulate to a world that’s best for all. This blogging project is one of them. Dedicating myself to one profession is another. Dedicating myself to every moment here with the task at hand is another.

Being in this world but not of it. In a teaching profession that means standing for principles of teaching that do not incite competition or comparison or jealousy in the child. That therefore means standing up to whatever shit the parents come up with about what is best for their children. It means an extensive study and practice in communication skills to the utmost intimacy to explain to parents what needs to be done and how it will be done. Transparency in teaching process yet absolute commitment to only that which is best for all children, which sometimes means making executive decisions on behalf of the parents that don’t want to know better.

In a relationships and sex and money perspective that means absolute commitment to only that which is best for all in the relationship, any relationship. Sometimes that means burning a few bridges through inciting detest in others at you. It means not having sex until one has found a person that is willing to extensively develop their communication skills and stop gossip from the beginning. It means being careful of the money I spend in the sense that what I support with money must be investigated as to its benefit to humanity or at least other human beings part of the production process. Yes I go out of my way to do that. No exorbitant spending habits from me. It means supporting groups that go out of their way to tell the truth that is hard to swallow, in the spirit of creating understanding and equality in the participants.

tough times ahead facing a world without addiction or hope or love.

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Day 498: One Implication of Doing What’s Best for All, Self Doubt/Doubt Edition

Preventing misunderstanding. On more than one occasion I have assumed the worst in people only to be proven wrong through their work as love made visible. Another general rule of thumb I therefore suggest for all human beings to apply is give benefit of the doubt to others unconditionally. That way you won’t be surprised if they change somewhere in between, or have never left you behind in the first place. What a shock it was to expect the worst but receive something of use to me from X. To prevent hiccups during this process suggest not placing people in a box or a label and thinking about them in that light. On a more selfish note that ensures you are and remain clear in what will be your work and that persistence to make your love visible will be clearly registered, people know when they’re being supported. This manner erases all doubt in you – be ever vigilant of emotions and feelings in ourselves first – so the work becomes easy – easy to do and easy to comprehend the reason for doing – and a no-brainer. Good deeds never enter the wrong room so to speak, or given to the wrong person, no one not even yourself would judge another for actually supporting you will you? Then the work as task ahead becomes easy and simple and you live keeping it simple and erase doubts in yourself. In another way, it becomes irrelevant what the other person decides because you’re applying yourself, and thus directing you in the sea of Energy on the ship of yourself heading towards an uplifting direction for all, doing what is best for all. You are also living the statement Self first when you give yourself the benefit of the doubt, you’re actually taking care of you first that way, so you’re clear headed and not obsessed with either the destruction of the other, or the impending destruction of yourself. So this is describing one implication that is implied in doing what is best for all and making the decision. I don’t think I will ever regret doing my best in spite of all signs of failure raised by others at me, I say this because in the moment of real time application it seems that way. Whether the event or situation ends up a success or failure become irrelevant because you are giving meaning to yourself by applying yourself and honing yourself to be the best. Inevitably you’ll stumble on successes that others validate you for, but that will become meaningless as well because you are giving value back to yourself and really living a fulfilling life. You filled in the gap in yourself that is aching for some validation and attention by giving meaning to everything through making your work your love made visible. I’m finding in my journey failure is most commonly defined according to other’s limited perspectives and we should not give value to limited perspectives or opinions. Let’s find the facts and stick to them shall we? You’re here, you can still breathe, therefore you can still work, so work! Spite your environment, circumstances, and take back what is rightfully yours: your own value as a human being. Take ownership of it and never let it go. In this simple application of giving benefit to the doubt unconditionally, you’re giving you the opportunity to give to yourself what you lost, which is faith in yourself and your senses. Don’t go worshipping people’s experience and look how much experience they have that’s why I can’t do anything. In a way they are deceiving you of the hardships they themselves faced to get where they are to get the praise that they are getting. Because Life is not glamourous. Life is defined by the hardships you either face or avoid, and it’s these low moments that really define who you are and what you can do in this world. Have some fun savouring the low moments because it’s the raw material to make yourself good again. Good again as in good in the opinions of others and good again as in your judgment of yourself. Then obstacles are no longer obstacles they’re vital moments of self proof of what you are. Don’t give up so easily, otherwise you’ll go through what I gone through which is the realization that I don’t want to give up my Life. I want to experience my creation and that I do obviously by applying myself to create. Don’t destroy, suspecting others is a form of destruction. You destroy yourself when you suspect others, did you notice? You destroy your trust in yourself as a human being and come to the inevitable conclusion that you’re worthless and can’t do shit right. So I guess this is the point when people say don’t give a shit what other people think. This is the context that they mean, but fail to explain. The obvious is you will explore yourself when you go and explore yourself isn’t it? The decision. Make the right one and take the easy way. Don’t prefer unnecessary hardship and a life of hard knocks by reality knocking at your door saying to you, you’re not there yet. There’s value in going easy on yourself sometimes. Especially when facing difficult moments of self created errors. So this is the wisdom that people talk about but do not talk about in specifics. Be extremely careful of everything of this world. Be your own teacher and teach yourself the basics of creation. Too many opinions in the world spoken without awareness or care. Get to the facts of your existence and there will be no hardship, it’s that simple. Will you hear this message and heed? I’m giving you benefit of the doubt. See? Everything I’ve explained moves inside of me as me. I don’t have reason to shirk and step backwards. I have every motive to move forward. No more doubting yourself. I begin to appreciate myself. Inevitably I’ll build the self trust. See how uplifting you become when you give benefit of the doubt? No one will stop you from uplifting them as well. Be a living example. Practice, don’t achieve. The word achievement also has so many veils. Practice and inevitably you’ll do it. It’s only a matter of time then.

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Day 497: Forgiving Others of Gossip

I don’t consider the original Day 497 blog to be a day well spent in self introspection giving people value.

Forgiving others of gossip. I talked to X who brought up this topic. Just looking at the consequences of not forgiving others in general, holding a grudge, it’s best general practice to forgive others, not only for their sake, but for your own. Have a look, you’ll begin to fail to consider the other as yourself and give reason and justification to harm them, however small is irrelevant, you’re participating in the nature of harm. Whereas if you forgive others no matter what, what is preserved is yourself. These days I keep my sanity in the daily thoughts, words, and deeds that I give as I would like to receive in the hope that another is like myself, yes an aware human being, that will register support. It’s another matter entirely if that human being decides to harm in spite of my support, that’s real evil yet evil that makes him/herself irrelevant to the bigger picture of Life. Life is something that uplift and support, therefore I am either supporting others or I am not and therefore deception spitefulness does not last. This is a simple thing to say, but to apply it requires you being here to register your own dishonesty when it happens. All it takes is one moment of disorder to add up into a life of cruelty and torment. Evil as spite doesn’t last long, it’s a momentary experience which makes it all the more difficult to pinpoint and identify within myself the underlying thought patterns and assumptions. What has stood the test of time is not spiteful adults, it’s the G rated reality of children. It’s important to consider that children are here to remind us of who we really are, and not the spiteful judgmental backchat that happens in the background seamlessly. If you dare to look slightly closer you will find spite and judgments are never that seamless. There’s always a point removed from reality that started the spitefulness.

Be the fool that innocently breathe and purifies every expression until it is Life until it is done.

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