Day 699: No One is Allowed To Hate Family

There’s not a religion or organization that doesn’t support family. Is it because no one will support them if they didn’t support family? How come throughout the ages family has been a theme? Is it a pretty excuse to make as if sex is a beautiful thing? It’s been an idea that has been born since humanity was born, that one raises a family and cares for the members of their family. What aim did religions have to demonize sex and sexuality, meanwhile it’s the top few things in everyone’s minds? Why is it sex, expressing yourself within sex and sexuality, has such a profound effect raising one’s self esteem, confidence, self worth?

Witnessing the same story repeat itself wherein at one point, everybody at some age dive head first into sexuality, and I interpret it as a tool of conformity, expressing oneself through sexuality has life altering consequences, so I see most accept at a deep level the presence of sexuality, and then you have the one in your class or in your work or wherever, that denies sexuality any dominance in their considerations. At least it seems that way. Religion has been one of the mainstream ways of control, and from its example I believe I can learn something. If sex allows one to assert oneself, in a religion that needs followers and only one exerting itself God, I sort of understand why religion would do that: demonize sex and erotica.

I think one common aspect of everyone’s experience is the waking up of the sexual drive. People these days live and speak as if it doesn’t dominate. Bernard said flat out, sex is the most important thing in a serious relationship aside from money. So important but everyone’s driven to overcome this obstacle alone, I don’t hear about people talking about sex. It’s treated as an alone game while everyone knows you need to have a partner to do it with. Or maybe because everyone knows, everyone doesn’t care how they must think or behave if it’s to snag and trap a partner. Psychology behind TV and mainstream media knows we would do anything for sex, so they dangle it under many conditions. Inadvertently, we insert an ideal self as a partner to another with these personality traits and behaves this way and is this skinny, has muscles there, has these hobbies, is interested in these things, likes to travel, chases after the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation where it’s most sold through goods and services and not through one’s basic foundation nature, earns this much money, has a house, has this amount of status in the society, builds wealth in these specific ways, is wealthy in these ways of friends and coworkers and capital and pieces of businesses.

Family is probably one of the foundations of human creation because any future of anything is directly related to our younger people, our children. Did religions understand that family is how they will assert their dominance and power? Are businesses just another ruse to get you to teach your children to accept their hard sell? Has the foundation of every business been the psychological attack and infiltration of its values into your family’s values via the gap that everyone talks about? The gap or the space or the time which we take to make important decisions about our lives?

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Day 698: Music History

I’d be lying to myself if I said this wasn’t a new start for a new adventure with new things to look at. I wrote on and off over 7 years, and I find it’s a relaxing way to settle all matters and bring clarity and understanding over. Investigate all things and keep what is good. Writing is good.

I was told a story of the development of music from Baroque to Classical to Romantic to 20th century. It’s a story around the limitations of instruments, with the piano at the centre. In Baroque times, most instruments were made of wood and there wasn’t an abundance of metal to make instruments. So to zest things up Baroque music relied on improvisation by adding ornaments, repeating a subject or a phrase of music in various ways, and not many chords were used because the instrument of the time, the harpsichord or clavichord, had a limitation there. They didn’t lend themselves well to scales, arpeggios, only slow to moderate melodies. And so the orchestra of Baroque times were small, and Baroque composers normally worked for rich people and catered to their interests. Bach is a good example.

In Classical times, the fortepiano was developed. Today it’s a pianoforte, this is an early reiteration of the harpsichord. It allowed scales and arpeggios to be played easily because the mechanism for hitting a note was greatly simplified. And in Classical times symmetry and balance was the focus. Symmetry in phrasing, 4 or 8 bar phrases, dynamics, structure. It was the fashion to play melody and accompaniment on one fortepiano, and to implement scales and arpeggios. So with a better instrument, the technique of pianists developed and improved.

By the Romantic period, the pianoforte was developed. The car was in use. Dynamics range from ppp to fff, and the texture of music increased, which means a lot more chords were used because the instrument allowed it. Pedals were developed for the pianoforte, metal was more in circulation by this time, a consistency in instrument making began.

In 20th century music, they and their past musicians already explored symmetry, balance, the fugue structure, wrote the most beautiful melodies, explored texture and dynamics to its pinnacle. What wasn’t played with yet was rhythm and the sound effect. The quality of sound that comes from playing notes.

There, I summarized an hour lesson into a brief read.

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Day 697: Good Bye, Desteni

Desteni has a low opinion of me. I have to live with myself regardless, so I’ll keep writing my blog. I had to imagine a life without Desteni, which would be without lots of homework, chats over the Internet, and constantly liking their stuff, and I wonder what else is out there, that can possibly be more explanatory than Desteni. Because their message to me was simple: you are a problem, a recurring one and no support will be given anymore, I’m not holding your hand anymore, if you still want support blog for a year and maybe we’ll consider it. That comes with no support in the form of explanation of what my mistake is, implying that they believe it to be self evident and that I am refusing to see what they are seeing. So they trust their own vision and distrust mine. Which in the business of supporting people, I think that’s a problem distrusting what the person you’re saying you’re supporting is seeing.

This doesn’t erase what I’ve read and seen makes sense in the articles of Desteni. So much of my attention was on Desteni that being banned basically, I have a lot more space inside and a lot of attention freed. But even this doesn’t erase the few chats I had with Bernard Poolman, that communicated in a way like he saw everything. I still think he gave me the greatest gift which was he taught me how to move myself, and that I have to move myself. But he’s gone, I can never have support like that again.

I have to write about my relationship with Desteni because that’s what it’s been for many years. It seems my input isn’t valued anymore, because of one blog, so it’s as if one mistake can erase a thousand things done right. If I say what I think, they’ll judge me by saying I’m backchatting again, but my virtual participation over the Internet over the years seems not to be seen as anything to Desteni. Perhaps they see me as an unworthy investment because I’m not supporting them financially. And I make the kind of mistakes like sabotaging myself and blaming others that’s deemed treason or at least very bad and seriously bad. It’s not like I don’t make mistakes. They’re claiming I keep on making the same kind of mistake and not taking self responsibility for them, and that they have supported me for years, but that’s glossing over what actually happened over time. What support has been very disorganized and disjointed over the years. I’m not certain if I can call all my chats over the Internet as supporting me, because none of it really changed anything about my base personality. But that being said, very few things in life change your base personality.

It’s my blog, so I’ll indulge and reminisce about Desteni for one blog. Then there’s the habit that was introduced by Bernard which is daily blogging. Writing. I think it’s been very nice to develop my writing skills. To many more years of writing.

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Day 696: Aftermath

Instead of editing the last blog, I want to write a fresh post. I re-read my own stuff and I don’t see how I’m blaming Desteni for anything. I said it’s the easiest thing to have the purest intentions and show it in your articles, but like an aunt told me the articles don’t give you any solutions. The solutions are valued a certain amount of money and suggestions are given in the EQAFE recordings. As someone that was on sponsorship for the DIP course I found that you get what you give. They don’t do much, they wait for you to do the introspection. I suppose that’s expected since we’re all human we need to gauge people by the words they’re writing or speaking or living.

I said Desteni was more specific than self improvement. I said I wasn’t getting any answer from a question I asked and based on a personal reply, I thought they won’t answer my question. I said Desteni being in the category of organisation that it is, have a responsibility to show the difference between themselves and any other organisation or charity or any organisation. Where does spite and blame and my refusing to help myself fit in?

I don’t think it was the smartest move to spill the history of Desteni verbatim with Heaven and the afterlife. People will stick on those details and forget what use the message is to them. I was given tools, I used them and they worked really well. But now I’m at a stage where it’s no longer about my personal insecurities and deleting them, there’s work to do outside and a price for my own life I must pay. I must pay the bills in the buy-bill, bible.

I thought they did a good move by revoking my sponsorship. I thought maybe I was wrong, but I reread my stuff and still don’t get from where the animosity is being registered.

Edit (31 May 2018): I’m forbidden from participating in any Facebook groups related to Desteni. This revoking sponsorship thing seems to be more serious like a ban. My blog would be banned too if it was part of the Desteni ecosystem.

I feel as if Desteni is basing their impressions of me on past behaviour and not exactly reading into the words of the specific blog that caused this. It’s not like I explain nor do anyone lets me explain all of my past behaviour. So I think it’s just a misunderstanding, and if/when they are ready to explain my mistake I’m all ears. But this organization part I’m really experiencing it. It’s like a level of separation into an organization telling you stuff, instead of people telling you stuff.

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Day 695: People Don’t Investigate, They Feel and Believe

I asked a question on the Desteni forums that I thought was a good opportunity for Desteni to give a short answer to why people should listen. Though the material is expanding and profusely detailed, I might argue the most detailed material on all sorts of aspects of the human experience, the potential of it supporting anyone falls every time someone doesn’t want to listen. Desteni is shocking, but the results of the normal views we hold is much more shocking. A world at economic war with the people with money never happier, where tiny spaces of people can manage a happy experience amongst themselves while the rest of the space in a country is busy surviving and working. Everyone with a reason to not look at society and the characteristic problems of a city. People raised to be self righteous and emotional, bored to be moved to search for the next high. People taught to not investigate, because if people read Desteni without emotional reactions, which is proven highly unlikely, of which I fall into a tiny minority, they would get the message and realize it’s not a brainwashing message, it’s bringing the Jesus message into the vernacular and situations relevant to this age, spelling out what is self change in unprecedented specificity.

Self improvement industry, all of it, even to this day, cannot be assed to write in the detail that Desteni explains about each emotional condition, about situations that we face, about things we face in ourselves.

But at the time of this blog, I’ve received no answer to my question. I will see if the people there will see what opportunity I’ve opened up, or whether they will give themselves an excuse like how long and hard they’ve worked and not bother with my question. “Come over to South Africa if you want to know these answers.” “I can’t be assed to write a reply to this question from a person I’ve never met in person.” “I’ve worked hard enough for long enough that excuses me from making answering this question a ‘have to’.” “Being a person at the farm is difficult and work long hours I don’t have the energy nor the time to answer such a question.” “He can ask his question, I have my choice to not answer it.”

I think people at the Desteni Farm representing Desteni, should hold a responsibility to their own group, Desteni, to demonstrate the difference between them and most other people making good money in the system. What is it about their principles that differentiate a person on the Desteni Farm from any person in the system. Because that’s the thinking all people in the system have: why should I listen to you?

Edit (28 May 2018): I’m flagged for committing treason on Desteni, that I have personality issues, also implying there is nothing that isn’t already clear on the value of Desteni as a group of people doing one way of creating some world change.  I disagree that Desteni’s value is clear, if being critical sometimes makes me a hater and I’m flagged as opposition to Desteni and I’m banished from the group, I think I would be an example of what is and isn’t allowed when you talk back and forth with any part of Desteni, to discredit their godly intentions.

Every group claims to be doing good, that’s why when anything declares it people naturally become suspicious.  They feel and believe, listen to internet rumours, instead of checking the goods or words for themselves since it’s already written in stone I suppose.

And despite orders, I rather edit this blog than erase it from the internet as a matter of me clarifying my intent and making clear what I am here to say.  It’s been 10 years, and Desteni’s value that their people say is apparent and obvious to anyone, inherent already infused into the very words of the message, I can’t say I disagree, but saying that any person can read any part and immediately get it, escapes even my intelligence.  The intentions are stated, and they are just words, there are alot of people stalking Desteni because of this reason, because something never is until it is.

Whatever I do or they do, we got to be more mature about this than say to each other we have problems.  Because people that read any part are also always considering, and so I disagree that the matter was settled, but we live in a human world where people can cooperate in this day and age.  But I won’t erase my mistake, I would rather correct it and prove to myself in stone that I have settled the matter.  Until further back and forth, I will continue to edit this post as it chugs along.

Edit (29 May 2018): Desteni admins are holding a meeting to decide the best way forward and just told me personally.

We’re just people, I don’t get the seriousness of what I’ve written.  It contains alot of spite and frustration vented towards Desteni.  I’m blind to that venting part.  I see myself as saying the difficulty of a message like Desteni.  I may have personality issues.  I don’t see this affecting how I am being treated from the back and forth.  I don’t see how Desteni is responding that’s responding to my needs, I see an organisation that’s saying it’s an organisation and they need to hold a meeting to decide the best way forward.

Edit: (30 May 2018): Sponsorship for the DIP course is revoked.  I cycled from self righteousness, to embarassment, to thinking I’m wrong, then re-reading what I’ve wrote and still not seeing the frustration and spite I’ve vented towards Desteni.  Am I blaming others by writing that?  Has it been a recurrent problem in my relationship with the people at Desteni, to blame others and refuse to help myself?

The thing about the tools is it’s all on the premise that whatever happens I am at fault, I am to blame, and then through self forgiveness one take responsibility and not allow that something to happen again, or if it happens, to direct the thing to solution.

Recent events show I have been blaming others and refusing to help myself.  What part of this blog specifically am I blaming others?  I received a personal reply and I interpreted it as maybe the people over there aren’t going to answer my question.  The meeting was held and my sponsorship was revoked, so they think I’m beyond help at this point with a recurrent problem of blaming others and if I want help, I have to write for a minimum of 1 year writing the things they approve of that has to do with me taking responsibility for my life.

But I reread my blog and don’t see how spiteful and blaming it is.  I see an organisation dedicated to protect itself.  Spiting the spiteful for a moment, but I’m calm.

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Day 694: The CBD

It’s been around a year or more since I visited the CBD (Central Business District) which is Central, IFC (International Finance Centre) Mall. We’re making life miserable for so many yet the festive spirit is flourishing. I remember when I was walking around IFC during highschool, being dressed up wasn’t as common. I went on a Saturday today, and everyone is not only dressed up, they’re in high festive spirit. How does a society separate itself from itself enough that so few in a small area can seem the happiest ever in spite of a looming world problem that is only escalating? This is the problem about humans like me, we can separate ourselves from the world.

I live in a “second class” CBD, it’s more like a shopping and tourism district, so I compare the general feel of the crowd, and I realize while the outward behaviour and look is different, we in the tourism district aren’t any better. I feel we’re the same because we’re in the same money system. When it’s survival time, make or break, both IFC and tourism district crowd most likely share the same fears, have the same desires for happiness though it is expressed differently, and we do the same thing which is shop and eat stuff that makes us feel happy.

Compared to where I work, the attire and dress code I suppose is totally different. Another personality added up into a group character that again tweaks the extent of each desire, so the look and behaviour is different, but again we’re all three of us in the same money system, sharing the exact same fears.

This I feel is a polarity more than what most call it as diversity. This kind of playing around with the same quality of desires I feel is something unacceptable made acceptable. Because how is a society supposed to function in agreement when a single disagreement is allowed? My observations probably will be the same all over the world, the same desires under different extents, so the conclusion is even the elite don’t understand the simplest thing of how to manage a population to live under a unified principle, which gives benefits of easier explaining to do, banishment of dichotomies like the world getting physically worse and the mind getting mentally happier, and the pursuit of happiness that works within the physical boundaries thus allowing everyone to actually be able to be happy without an ignored side effect. No one in the world, not even the elite with all the money in the world, knows how to uplift an entire population from each person’s mind, insinuating their life views aligning to the Physical = no one and nothing knows how to control any one of us. There is no actions being taken with the starting point of controlling you personally, Kasper Kwan, everyone willingly separated themselves into their own life, their own world, riding the wave until it cannot be physically possible to anymore, using a thing called money as the only way that makes a personal world possible, deliberately not investigating the money system under free choice, in spite of agreement existing in the investigation of the money system and the conclusions that can be made about what is physically possible and what lines cannot be allowed or crossed for each one, especially myself.

We are our own input acted on based on everything we have ever read, seen, heard, but there is no single person that is coordinating all our influences to ensure we are our personality as it is. The only one that can do that is each one, me, and only towards oneself, myself, so MY input = output which is this world.

Then there’s Desteni that says the world cannot handle all of our greed added together through this physical reality, each one of you, needs to go back to basics to the Physical. And Desteni says the obvious, we each have one mind that has always ultimately supported the world collapsing, and we can use our mind without understanding how it works which creates side effects that becomes a nasty life experience for other people like you. This mind uses emotion and feeling to convince me I have no choice, I have no time, I must act on this emotions and feelings immediately, and this mechanism has always created poverty in its wake. To refer exclusively to what is physical, physically here is a common sense that is revolting to anyone who’s experienced emotions and feelings. Therefore the resistance to change existed since humanity.

And Desteni says there is a method to overcome impulse, emotions and feelings, and anyone can do it if they’re taught that. Desteni is the only group on Earth with the opinion that changing any part of myself should directly relate to my responsibility to the Earth, because I’m from Earth, which insinuates all the systems used to manage all the interactions on Earth, human or not. Which adds up to the idea that self change when done properly, i.e. when its direction is removing the emotional and feeling elements leaving the physical aspect of change intact and in balance, changes the world and affects the group. Affecting the group and changing the world includes changing how groups of people act, what rules or laws will be agreed on to be lived by by the group, how people spend their money, how people will calculate how to attain happiness, defining and demonstrating a form of happiness that includes balancing the physical reality, showing people they can exceed emotional/feeling gratification there is something better than energy, better than the next high, that’s physical, revealing the common sense that emotions/feelings destroy what is physical and that we are physical beings therefore you don’t have to act on the impulse yet if you don’t understand how the impulse works and choose not to understand it, that’s what abuse is and common sense is you always have time to understand impulses so you don’t have an excuse for any emotional decision you’ve made and it’s possible to live without energy’s influence.

Desteni says we have always been creating the world it’s only we’ve selectively registered parts of it. Implying that my awareness as it is is thinking the impossible, doing things that has side effects I don’t even know exist but they exist. So the first item on the list is to correct this awareness starting from exactly what it is, because I’ve always had responsibility for existence and always been selective about my responsibilities.

There’s nothing like humanity right now, me right now: war has never been waged so hard with the people so happy.


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Day 693: If You Think The World Is Shit…

If this world is shit, I need to be able to readily process it for it to be something of value. That means no matter what happens, I may choose the best option, but I must at some point ‘take it all into me’ and do the best. Taking it all in implies severing all emotional ties to everything I perceive, choosing the painful choice of perceiving everything as clear as I can, in the knowledge that this pain is what will wake me to move into equilibrium. Process is not only a process but how and what you process through your physical senses every day, on a daily basis. The general observation I noted between examples of this processing is it’s better to unclench the hands, let go, relax, and look farther down the line, it’s a relaxation deliberate movement while facing all the troubles. And a slowing down into relaxation with breathing, but not completely still and unmoving, you have to move, you have to make a decisions. More often as the problem pans out you’ll see your neighbours tensing up furrowing the eyebrows, speeding up in breathing until it’s half breathing and chalky, interrupted breaths. That has a limit which is when you snap. Slowing down and moving with the breathing without berating yourself for making trouble is more vast. More vast because you’ll see wider and deeper and farther into the future if you slow down and relax while seeing more and more and more.

The examples I look up to have become this slowing down and opening up. For example, no matter what kind of crazy driver cuts four lanes, my example takes it all in and for his own safety, and mine, he’s already positioned himself behind the cars, he just puts the brake softly but decisively. No drama, or snarky comment or anything. This example once was held hostage for ransom. He slowed down, opened up, and began talking to his kidnapper. That opened up eventually to his release. Eagerly identifying the other’s wants, needs, and desires, sharing his own stories of his experience, this example is adept at telling stories. Speaking of which, he lives in Shenzhen, in a city where the people regularly cheat each other of money, the drivers are scary in their unpredictable behaviour, with his own financial troubles, and interpersonal things to deal with. I could say he got the short stick of everything, ending up in two divorces, losing his house, unable to find stable work, some aspects of his physical experiences aren’t optimized I would say. But I observe his attitude to everything and it’s just great. He really keeps living sparingly with no hint of weakness to temptation, and he has a constructive attitude to everything. He talks great, so he makes great business agreements, but he’s a bit weak in doing things, doing the maintenance work or doing the work he does rather poorly. But his fluency in Japanese, Cantonese, and Mandarin that’s native in all three, he has a market or there are people that are attracted to him.



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Day 692: Where Can’t I Be?

If everything is aware and doing things according to what they know, where can’t I be? Where this I is the point of awareness that acts according to whatever knowledge it already knows. If everything is aware in existence, where can this I not be existing? I can’t think of any part of existence that would be an awareness vacuum. And if every part of existence, where the human is 0.01 percent of all life, is equal to my awareness, what am I doing when I am attracted to anything? And I can’t think of another way to answer it but by separating myself from what I see, either making that thing exclusive and/or diminishing myself unable to see myself as its equal. When the option to try to be its equal always exists, I see when I can’t see myself as anything, for example the beauty I see as females, I’m giving up before I even tried. When the option to try always exists, I do life a great service when I suck up my excuses to try. To try to attempt to foster and see the same aspects in me, no matter how small.

Beside me at all times is a physical reality. This reality shows me when things aren’t done best for everyone, but this reality shows it to me passively, meaning if I maintain a direction that is self righteous and denies the obvious of what I am being and becoming, I can’t see reality showing me. I am my greatest enemy. There’s nothing in existence that casts a safe net or provides lesser consequences for what I do. So much of my existence is invisible in the invincible mind, that I am the only one that is stopping me from turning bad. My life has been an example for me of how easy it is to trust an idea of yourself and be stubborn, how easy it is to believe something and make it real ignoring how my actions are destroying what’s real, thinking I am right and good, meanwhile I was wrong. You really become part of the problem the moment you believe something, about yourself or others, and deny its existence or its influence that has become you.

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Day 691: What Goes Through Your Mind When You See A Family In Worldly Context?

I may be judging others to be the problem. In a frenzy like today, to see a wife and a husband with two children having family day I wonder how many things had to go right to allow the parents to shift their attention from the world to their children. Seeing the parents content while in the back of my mind, wondering how many adults aren’t, I get sickened by how the world problem is escalating and meanwhile are these two adults playing contentment. In a world where someone can starve to death, is the happiness they’re experiencing real? What about my own happiness, is it real when the contrast of wealth and poverty exist?

What would be a definition of happiness that would include some sort of action to apply a solution to this economic monster? The economic system is the cause for poverty, crime, rape, abuse, all the institutions of inequality, a bankrupt sense of justice, to exist. And in front of me are two people further down their lives, making no use of any wisdom they acquired to make the world better, they channel it into a very personalized form of happiness called family. Maybe they donate to charity too. Charity is business poorly run with insufficient results to justify investing in them. Besides, what is charity when it’s justifying the corrupt economic system to continue to exist? All problems amongst a population is centred around money. The politicians exist because they get money, the businesses and business workers exist because of their money, the laws are written by the people holding money, can you imagine how many people are forced to shut up because they need money? How many are threatened because of money?

All the institutions of inequality exist through some channel of money. The thief is the product of a lack of money and opportunity to earn money, which impacts psychologically to create the psyche of the thief. Very much the problems of the world are caused by a scarcity of money and opportunities to make money. The economic system is what is holding society in place to abuse and rape. Yet I see the same money being channelled into a temporary form of happiness called a family, implying my wants are priority over sorting out this world.

The same money that supports rape and abuse, ultimately making a family is another way of reinstating the validity of the economic system by claiming it works because hey, you made a family and supported another life into being. Yet this new life is really at a social and aconomic cost that if you just estimate, consists of people’s lives and well being being compromised by the same money as money cements the money system in place. The one that’s responsible for rape and abuse.

Instead of the whole focus being on society itself, it’s being focused on technology, and the immense profit potential technology hangs on a stick. Instead of society, it’s being focused on your look together with technology.

Hasn’t time and money proven charity doesn’t work effectively enough? Hasn’t time revealed politics is the one peaceful way to change a country, to changing the laws, to shaping the world? It’s odd that political ideas have been delegated to thinkers which is another name for people connected to people with so much money they can think for a living, instead of people like you and me focusing on what would be best for everyone and sticking to that principle, because the moment it’s better for some it implies taking advantage of others.

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Day 690: Is No One Actually Interested in Stopping Poverty?

Maybe my recent posts have been me complaining about something that’s in the face of everyone. But obviously I don’t see it that way, I find it odd no one ever discusses the obvious or ever attempt to coordinate any solution to the world. In a peculiar way, everyone is “doing their best living their lives”, where one just think as a group then there’s a gap between our care and what care is needed to remedy the world. So many people, wise and old, can only talk about the effort they make in their lives to their personal gain, and the matter of everyone else is silent. Extremely silent because I know people that have never talked about a solution for the world, and they’re busy finding what works to get as much money as they can justify.

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