Day 497: Identifying Bad Habits

Identifying habits or patterns in my life that are not best, and requires change. This has been a difficult point since I stopped watching porn. I always thought to myself, “If I can stop watching porn, what a human being I’ll be”. And to a certain extent, it’s true, but giving up the most tempting point doesn’t fix all of your problems. My only problem in the eyes of the system is I’m not earning enough money. Yet strangely I do not hold it against myself. I just look at the process I’ve walked and accept the facts that I got addicted to positive feelings for most of my life and burnt my life away to Energy from around 8 to 24. Before that I was effectively learning about my reality, all the vocabulary and math stuff like that.

I keep saying that my first 8 years were the most productive because I was learning words at a very fast pace, and laid the foundation for my grade school to high school years. But make no mistake about it: the education system is designed to make you fail. There’s simply no support for real learning. You can say that my highschool years were an elaborate distraction from the seeming negativity I imposed on myself having no answer to the question of why there were kids like me starving. Only speaking for myself, sex and the orgasmic experience really threw me off track from what is real.

I don’t want to say it, but it’s hard to find myself at fault at this point in time, that I require directing because it occurs several times a week. I used to masturbate several times a week that was my poison. Having enrolled in the Desteni I Process course I would like to have a nasty habit to deconstruct because that to me would be the easy way. This is harking back to a month ago when I wrote about shifting my process from conflict based walking to self directive walking. Conflict based walking would be to regularly see yourself either in inner conflict or interpersonal conflict and that would be your mind construct or your blog or the point to forgive myself for. Self directive walking would be to identify the more subtle physical undercurrents of energy and emotions/feelings, and direct that. The problem is I’m having difficulty identifying what is my problem. There is no problem per say. I’m walking the processes necessary to “stand up financially” in the world. The self directed cello learning process, the daily writing to clear myself of any undirected energies in the day, learning guitar, Desteni I Process, learning music theory to apply to music, and that all fills up my day.

But to place all of this into perspective, this moment here is the culmination of years – approximately 7 – of writing to get to the bottom of me when it comes to conflict. It is my blog from Day 1. Not to mention even earlier writings before starting this blog that I used to post on the Desteni forum for self accountability. I wrote a lot, knowing that there will be an end, the conflict is finite. I feel like I’ve reached that end.

I want to have some kind of regular conflict so that it’s easy to write a mind construct and be done with it. I enjoy identifying all the connections between memories and characters and internal conversations.

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Day 496: No Use For Life

Written 18 September 2017

Having no use for Life. Lao Tzu wrote it is precisely a man that has no use for life who is wiser than a man that does. Sitting a lot and facing myself head on, I wonder sometimes what is the magical formula for a life well lived. Because the paradox is the moment you use your life for some purpose, you’re using your life and in my experience, the moment I commit myself to playing the cello well is the moment I slip and do not play well at all. But no matter what I decide, or not, I’m walking in a very specific direction. Whether that is best for all Life or not really depends on the extent of my self honesty, because a moment lost in illusion can be the aha moment when I realize that I have been creating illusion. And time is a factor yet I cannot compare my life to another’s because I don’t have a clue how another walked their process to get to where they are. All these words but that something, seems to be what is important no matter what stage of life you’re in, usually dictated by your age.
Then there’s the point of “I cannot become what I do not already recognize within myself”. The only point of stability that I have identified is being the fool that innocently breathe and purifies every expression to what is best for all. Having doubt as a result of these words is also pointless because that’s like finding a distraction to pass the time with.

Self honesty is the most difficult thing in the universe. Don’t you want to really challenge yourself? Be that strong man or woman that faces situations and people with a relentless vigor and dedication. That’s what being honest with yourself can do. Deception and dishonesty is child’s play difficulty compared to being self honest. You’re going to face every temptation to keep deceiving yourself and others, but is an appropriate test for you to substantiate yourself and build that self trust and common sense. You’ll note that when you lie to others and yourself alot is when you start to distrust yourself. Why bet it all on your intelligence to remain grounded and sane when you can take the most direct and easy route guaranteed to never lead you astray? That’s what self honesty is, the direct and easy route that will never lead you astray. A person that is self honest can never be lost Bernard Poolman wrote and I agree with.

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Day 496: Bad Day

Written 19 September 2017

Today I had a bad day. Breathe through it and it passes like gas. That’s what I did. Advice when having a bad day. Don’t force anything, you feel worse if you do. Rather direct your day through your being here to take care of the essentials. Do not entertain suicidal thoughts. A lot of waiting today has been. I guess for me to move in a manner of speaking. When what you are moving is not physical yet shows in the physical things like instruments. Every time I practice I’m looking for the magic of “my sound” permeating the air. I don’t get it right all the time, which makes me further doubt myself when it’s critical moment time like in an examination setting or teaching. The queer thing is the more I chase after, the further away I am from my sound. Sometimes you just gotta give I suppose, and let your body do the hard work. Sometimes when I focus too much on the physics of playing the cello, I lose the magic. So strange.

At this point, I have to rely on this thing to play fast and well. When I’m there, it’s all there. But man talk about volatile. One day it’s here, the next it’s gone.

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Day 496: Review Of Recent Blogs

Written 15 September 2017

I’ve been re-reading my blogs so far. The answer to all our problems really is as simple as “give to another what you would like to receive”. From the economy, to interpersonal relationships, to romantic relationships, to dealing with deception. Dealing with deception means making no excuse for yourself to spew atrocious bullshit, or veiled words to make yourself look and seem much more, and generally being frank about what you want to share and have that sharing be what is best for all, meaning best for any and all humans to hear and listen.

I’ve been wrapping my head around this ‘problem’ of the corporate mind. That is, jobbers. How to package the Desteni message in a way that will strike the heart of this population that already gave up their life to money. Giving up and wanting a quick fix therefore wanting money to just spend their remaining years. Those people that are saving up to buy a house, but can’t do 1 + 1 and see an unhealthy economy will not allow you to buy a house, you must uplift people from the bottom in an economic solution to break the seeming pressure. Certainly, the road we each as Destonians are choosing is not effective enough, not enough realizations made quick work of, to show what we are really made of.
That this population is so paranoid and secretive about their true intentions shouldn’t be the focus, it’s always bringing the point back to myself. What have I done to melt that iciness and have a heart to heart to explain that obviously, the problem is not just within a country, but worldwide and requires an education or catching up process to get everybody up to speed on the important issues. That to me is far more exciting than watching the latest TV show or chasing after frivolous trends. Don’t think for a moment that people don’t know how useless it is to chase after trends.

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Day 496: Spending Life Like Money Ensures No Change

Written 14 September 2017

Every breath you take can be a reminder that Life is precious and should be treasured. Life is not something to be spent or burnt away. I suppose for eons of time humanity has been fooling ourselves that we control the world. What if the world was but one stage, and an act of mercy for you to redeem yourself? Because let’s face it, everyone has these thoughts that bring conclusions and therefore actions that are not best for all: it is a daily occurence. We hope to sleep and be rested for the next day, i.e. rely on Life as the human body to repair itself, only to waste it away on a humanity that is not worth the trouble. What about the rest of Existence? Of course you would assume that the rest aren’t aware, because that suits your self interest: if you were any other part than human, boy you know what’s happening and going down. You’d be pissed off as shit. But you aren’t any other part of Existence, you’re human, but your human body isn’t of this Consciousness of yours. It’s real, when you’re hurt the pain is real. The world plays and talks a big game about how money rules the world. How much money can erase the pain of a broken leg? How much money to convince your human body to mend that broken leg of yours? You can’t buy out or do any of the things that you normally do with other humans to convince. There’s nothing you can do when your human body stops functioning properly. Even our medical science can’t replace what was lost properly. So who is the master, who is the supposed slave? Where has our humbleness gone? What happened to the self honesty that we as Consciousness are only guests inside the human body, guests inside the machine, doing things disregarding the actual machine and even yourself. Bernard said all of this: we only control basic movement of our human body, but all the functionality of the human body itself we are completely ignorant and only uncovered the tip of the iceberg with our current science. And we as the consciousness inside the human body thinks we are superior to the human body? Where has our humbleness gone. Bernard’s interview is on YouTube called “Simple Mathematics and Consciousness” something like that on Desteni Universe channel.

So why is it that we spend our breaths like money and give it away to dishonesty and deception, promoting it and becoming it, when we can spend our breaths investigating the reality physical reality we exist within? By being more here with our human body by breathing, instead of thinking and imagining about everything else but what is really here in this moment right now. You would think breathing will be pain and torture, but having walked and faced this decision myself, making the wrong choice getting lost in the illusion and delusion of thoughts and feelings is much more painful with a scar that is your time wasted to prove it. So don’t wait. Breathe and forgive yourself for being obsessed with your “responsible” partaking of thoughts and feelings. You spend your breaths on going deeper into delusion. You can spend them investigating the mechanics of what makes delusion. Obviously your environment has no support for you getting to know this. But Desteni and I will help. Read the Desteni material, experiment with standing publicly online in a blog, that’s how you make quick work of your dishonesties and delusions. For me personally seeing the same excuses from my writings over and over helped me stop innumerable amounts of times.

 

 

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Day 496: Dead People Live On In The Messages They Lived

Written 12 September 2017

What’s the value of a name when it refers to someone dead. I’ve been reminiscing about Bernard Poolman and how he came into my life through his message, and how he passed away a few years back. Even at his death he does what is best for all, I mean here is a guy that is supposedly idolized by many beings in Existence like afterlife, and he decides to go without a trace. The value of names in history is exactly that, just names. What is important is what can be used here now to the benefit of not only yourself, but everyone else too. His message remains and will remain the most important message that humanity needs to here. Hear.

Who would’ve thought that ALL of everything that past generations lived was meaningless because it was a lie. A staged event. What makes my blogs so special compared to others. It’s the willingness to adhere to principles that honour Life as THE Life, to borrow Bernard’s words in the consideration of eternity and consequence.

So what matters when someone dies, when you die, is not our name – but when we were living our name is important to stand responsible for yourself – but our message. What message do you think will stand the test of time and live on in younger generations forever? Lies, deception, greed, dishonesty? And each one has this “your message”. It’s the one you advertise through existing in a physical reality. Not the one you proclaim to be your message. Hence the importance of owning up to my words, me, my deeds. That’s self honesty. This physical reality has a very direct way of dealiing with abusers called manifested consequence. It also directly deals with givers called manifested consequence. So that your illusion is manifested into reality is not good or bad, it’s you not owning up to your creation that’s bad. What’s good is when you own up to what you did and made a reality ever so personally for yourself, then consider eternity and consequence. For the reason of wanting to live on forever in this world, through your message. And obviously, if that message is not best for all, your legacy’s days are numbered. So you won’t be living on forever. Simple.

In one way or another, we want our living to be substantiated and validated by those around us. That’s why you should care about what kind of messages are coming out of your mouth and your living. It’s not an achievement to corrupt younger people to lie with you. It’s an achievement to get younger people to follow your example through understanding and not verbal violence. We fucking know when we are being verbally violent and manipulating other’s fears through persuasion. We don’t know what that consequence is. When you’re old and frail, these young people that grow to maturity will do the fucking same thing and blame the money system for your real pain and leave you to rot. Is that what you want for you?

But people I know will think I’m crazy to think so far ahead. But have a look – the same shit repeats itself in all environments over and over. You’re the one living in this shit. You think you’re heroic and special for putting up with it, even making more shit up. Oh how clever you are you made the same shit look different and sound different. If you were intelligent I argue you would stop yourself from advertising the same shit and live the words do no harm. Watch out for the illusion of movement in this reality. You’re living in shit. Don’t draw your attention away and believe others are taking shit. That’s when you start to lose yourself. It’s many times tougher when you mix reality with delusion. And it’s really easy to do that because all environments are designed to have you do that. Please remember at the end, you have to live with your decision only you.

The reason why I’m thinking so far ahead is because this shit is banging at my door all the time, even at my age 24. All environments. Yet within these environments is always a physical counterpart that can be trusted. Reality mixed with delusion. It’s bloody important to clear yourself up and recognize reality, because the pain is only as real as you believe it to be. What are the benefits of recognizing reality? Everything you do in reality lasts and stays with you in this life. Everything else you think about comes, then goes. It kind of abandons you, but more importantly you’re abandoning yourself believing that you’re addicted to what you think about. Instead of realizing that you’re already here manifested all conditions for your existence has been met.

As to the problem of will people stop supporting me because I stop giving them shit? I tell you, people don’t stay long when all you’re giving them is shit. Remember the real practical things you give to others like good faith and real support is what matters. Obviously most of the real support is packaged through spoken words.

Be frugal when spending your life. What’s real is our time here is limited. Why wait for others to stop the shit? I would definitely like to stop eating shit all the time. At the end, human life seems to be a handful of intimate relationships with people. That’s….almost nothing compared to how many intimate relationships you could have with all of existence. You just have to decide.

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Day 496: Hear Out The Negative

Written 11 September 2017

That people can justify not hearing the negative. This is a warning. If you deny the negative messages, in your own opinion, you are doing the following and essentially closing the door on yourself. Self expansion through a process of HERE-ing reality in its many permutations becomes nonexistent. You become the very thing you hate, the kind of boss that only accepts messages that stroke boss’ ego and way of thinking, not realizing that outside influences are sometimes here for the common goal of optimizing the business, the whole, the greater. You become the real outcast, the real shut in, the real NEET, only because you casted yourself out of ALL of society to frolick and play in your hand selected group of friends. You become the severe judgmental character that ruthlessly avoid what everyone else says, and only accept the same message over and over and over again, the one that you think is right but am never sure that’s why you would vehemently defend your position.

Do you really want to be these things? I don’t, that’s why I open my ears to the negative messages and find out who I am within it and make a decision whether to support or not. If not, people label me as a heretic charlatan all the nasty things, but I tell you: I do not support things by chance. Desteni I support openly, not by chance.

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Day 496: Economy Eco-No-Me

Written 10 September 2017

The economy. At one point in this self change process I got to talk about the point where everyone victimized themselves. It’s become one of those things that’s fine, until it is not. Instead of admitting that it does not work for all, therefore is an unhealthy economy, therefore my life is at risk. I could be the majority where the economy doesn’t work!

We take for granted our birth and our blood, instead of realizing that our birth and blood implies greater responsibility towards those that don’t have a voice in the world, well the minority of the minority that have the decision whether to give money or not have a decision of whether to support those people that aren’t given money at birth. Who has never been given money unconditionally by family, anyone that is reading this blog now which one of you has never been given money to live from birth? So that you’ve taken for granted your birth and blood and money, to suddenly say people need to earn their money fuck off! You’re bloody dishonest about your very existence and what made your existence possible! Everyone basically needs money to put food on the table, to have a roof over the head, you’re gonna have opportunities to re-educate those people that don’t want to work for money only if they stay alive by giving them food and shelter through giving money. That’s why a Living Income Guaranteed is relevant. That’s what you would have wished for if you weren’t born into money. The time to redeem yourself, so to speak.

Not to mention those people that are forced to use “black money” or blood money and turn it into “good money” through casinos and all the garbage that’s associated with casinos. Drugs, prostitution. It seems we “grow up” everywhere else except for where it counts, the point of whether to openly support the economy or not. Obviously through money, but words and deeds as well. For example, speaking about the economy, speaking as the economy to employees, children, those most vulnerable to the economy. The actions or lack of that is taken against – it is always against when it’s about leaving people behind – students, children, fellow employees, bosses, you name it, everyone’s leaving everyone behind for some form of sanctuary for me alone on a proverbial island, instead of getting everyone to an equal and one understanding of the major disaster that is the economic disaster happening in the world. We actually get everyone to an equal and one understandings of the lie we must promulgate to survive and be accepted by most people. For example, such and such place is a “Land of Opportunity”. What bullshit is this your opportunities in this life are dictated by your birth and blood. None of what you own now is a reflection of your godliness; it’s the living evidence of life taken and stolen away from those across the globe.

Instead of accepting and allowing yourself to financially support a solution to this exponentially growing problem. All is not well in paradise either. Because whether we realize or not our very words we speak is a form of economy, say the right words and you are rewarded with money. We can be the deciding factor in someone’s life for them to realize their self responsibility for their life. We often are, against our free choice and free will, we often are the deciding factor in a younger person’s life as to what to support. Don’t abuse that chance. Speak common sense about money. As we are forced up the food chain by age, our words can affect a lot of people younger than us. We do not realize the responsibility that comes with power. Or “power”, because power that is real that stands the test of time is acting on the greater will to do what’s best for all. Any and all humans.

All the bullshit we speak about anyway, about the economy for example, is going to bite us in the ass in this life. The internet and technology just exponentially made consequence must faster to be faced. Do you really want the pain? And this pain is not physical, it’s mental torment. Where do band aid solutions come from but from us? How well, by deliberately ignoring the negative and wanting a ‘quick fix’ and a ‘quick fix’ for yourself alone that is money. The desire for money and not money itself, the desire is poisonous but it’s impulsed from ALL angles games, education, parenting, music, ALL angles that this desire is apparently good for you. Just have a look at the people in the positions you want to be in right now: most of them have unhealthy complexion and those that are healthy, wow speak to them and you’ll come across some bite from their tongue that you can’t imagine. It’s violence. The desire for money promotes violence because money is attempted to be taken at all cost. You suddenly decide to ignore your neighbour to be righteous and violent. And the money plus the desire for money equals some kind of dose and a weird look in people’s eyes. It’s like we don’t want to be human we want to be standing monuments of money.

When you’re like this, you don’t notice. Especially when you block the negative as all those without what you have, and only hang out with people you think are winners. It’s like some hidden fear that someday the majority losers will realize what you did and collectively kick you. Maybe that’s it, that’s why people don’t talk straight about the economy. It’s a game of robbers and more robbers.

So as a point of advice from me to you, don’t block out the negative. Hear the negative’s complaints, expectations, fears, dreams, hopes, before you make a value judgment that you will regret. Your days are numbered. At one point you’re going to have to admit that winners and losers are both human, and both need money. So both have to win. At all cost except for violence. If there is one force that is universally loathed is violence, in all ways.

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Day 496: Failure and Success

Written 9 September 2017

Failure and success. EQAFE released another interview on failure and success. Failure in my mind would be having no income, because in spite of all the life that is being directed it’s not adhering to the opinions of the money givers or bosses call them that, so I think I am therefore useless because I am unused. Success I think is having an income, having people that support my work through giving money, because and as I give my service to them.

The world plays a big game trying to convince us that opinions override and overwhelm realities. All the TV shows try to demonstrate nothing can beat deception and lies. But what is deception but denial of what’s real, what’s really here. So you’re telling me that if I deceive, if I deny what’s here, deny reality, I will be powerful and rule reality? Common sense PLEASE! I won’t know how the fuck reality works if I keep denying it! How, please explain, how would I rule reality when I don’t know how it works and I snuff the one potential in myself that has a decision to make whether to deny or learn about – go deeper into – what is here? The easy way and the easy answer is to say alright, I will refrain from denying reality. I will explore reality. I will stand as my findings of this reality. I will not participate in a form of violence towards others deceiving them. I will openly share what I find of this reality in words and deeds. I will not deceive myself through participating in thoughts about reality, to instead stand as reality and FEEL what is here, go deeper into what is here. Why have thoughts about reality when I can BE it and LIVE it to find out for myself what the purpose of my Life is, instead of giving up and hiding behind my money. Why wait when I can BE and LIVE and BREATHE IN reality immediately right now and find out for myself.

Meanwhile reality meets us, but I am not sure if all of us meet reality. Reality meaning breathing responsibly, what we really give to others is what matters and not our fantasies and imagination about what we give to others. What we really take from others and not give back is also what matters, not our good intentions. Our flesh derived pleasures come from flesh, meaning of reality and not of mind, therefore it is possible to live “happily” in reality, and the momentary seeming pleasure of charging up our emotions/feelings is not real therefore not lasting therefore untrustworthy, ruthless only because we were ruthless to ourselves as flesh, anyways the end was placed at the beginning = real happiness has to do with supporting and uplifting our flesh part of ourselves and not our thoughts about it.

You’re sick and what happens? You want to die. You’re healthy and you want to rule your piece of the world. Instead of focusing on what matters which is giving your piece of the world, as you are, to the world as other people, regardless of who you meet. I observed that in education, parents and children are conned the same. Parents think that their child will become responsible human beings through the education system; children think they’re lacking in some way that will be fulfiled through education. And there is an epidemic of adults that know what’s going on, but refuse to give what they have learnt back to the world. They just want to rule their piece of the world in the lie of Consciousness.

I commit myself to dare to share what I have learnt of reality to others in the understanding that what I have grasped of reality is not mine alone, it is the property of Life which means by withholding information, just an innocent act like that, creates poverty and division and destruction and harm in every way. Instead of creating more Life, by sharing what I know to others, regardless of like or dislike because that is secondary to the life that they are, they are an equally and one functioning human being like me, so by honouring that I honour myself, as the Life that I am that is equal and one in everything that exists.

I commit myself to openly discuss my gifts so that others may receive these gifts, in the hope and realization that Life is so much more than what I know, by giving Life I hope to receive Life as other gifts, in which I am bound to encounter in this Life. By openly discussing I also empty my cup of thoughts and knowledge, so I remain available to receive when it is here. Imagine, you’re keeping to yourself and therefore you must have these thoughts of betrayal right, that alone block you off from what is here. The very realization as gift that would uplift you could be slapping you in the face and you’re ruminating in thought because of one silly lie. The lie of Consciousness.

I commit myself to, no matter what happens, to always speak and do things that are best for all measurably, challenge other’s limitations, to break the brainwashing that has plagued man because of the desire for money, and the inferiority inflicted on oneself towards money, seeing money as superior to oneself’s own life, instead of realizing that as a money mover, I have an equal and one responsibility to move the money to equate to Life given, to myself yes, but to all others as well instead of a select few.

These days failure has been defined as the failure to honour Life in all forms. Success being the dedication to honour Life practically measurably in this world. Opinions are not powerful over realities, opinions are derived from reality, like another veil. When the reality shifts the opinions are forced to change as a matter of self honesty; to maintain an opinion in spite of the reality would be witnessing myself deceiving myself and I don’t think anyone goes that route. You see things are much simpler when opinions cease to exist, leaving only the reality, the facts. But as a participant, let me tell you it’s difficult to ascertain facts about this world that measurably lead to a world understood and a world directed to what is best for all. Opinions are rife in this world. I’ll say that everything of this world is opinions, just to leave no hope that what I see is what is fact. All music, lyrics, written word, spoken word, implied consequence, systems, education systems, law systems, are still opinions because all of them work together to maintain a world that is not best for all. Boy you can’t imagine how much maintenance this current world system requires it’s monumental: especially the lengths in which adults go to to get children to submit. It doesn’t matter what the parent has to do, place them in a master-slave education system, all sorts of things, the parent is afraid their child will go starving if they aren’t educated properly. Where properly is in the opinion of the parent. Or in my case the lengths in which the older generations go to to mislead me, the young generation.

What are we saying at Desteni: examine your part in keeping the world exactly the same. Doing so you regain power over yourself, and change this master slave relationship into something that is best for all.

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Day 496: A Little Less Detours There, and…

This talk about experience, work-life balance, the influence of sex and masturbation as the positive experience, is part of a series to say to myself the various detours that can be avoided and prevented when dealing with a mind. All in the good heartedness of giving my neighbour the luxury of wasting less time, walking less detours provided they are interested in finding themselves in Existence. Because all the ruckus about doing this and doing that is basically to find myself, my purpose and reason for existence.

What can be said about creating my purpose and reason? It’s difficult because it has to be authentic in the moment understanding and living applying the knowledge. Bernard once said in his interviews on YouTube that “You’re making [your purpose and reason] meaningless because you are not giving meaning to everything”. So I’m walking ahead, I’m actually experimenting with giving meaning to EVERYTHING I do, which in a way means actually applying myself and not going on autopilot. So far so good: I’m noticing an increased level of self trust and self intimacy since I’m becoming aware of everything that I do.

Enough about me. Creating purpose. It’s fascinating how so many different career paths just about all of them actually can be what is best for all. All I need to take care of is my starting point but having said that we generally are well versed in deceiving ourselves about our actual implied starting point in the thoughts words and deeds we manifest on a daily basis. So there’s no escaping it, anything that’s real that’s not faking it is going to be difficult. Not because it is complex, it’s simple, but we’re so used to manipulating our reality through deception that is the opposite of being authentic, that it’s like the baby situation: you’re touching things for the first time and you don’t know what you’re going to feel; you’re looking at the reality of you for the first time in a long time and you apparently forgot what it feels like to be under your skin. That’s why at Desteni, we keep referring to a process. There’s no error if you stop being lazy and correct them. There’s some value in doing things by yourself sometimes. This process we keep referring to requires that. Then you will realize what you’ve given your power away to and your reasons begin to register as justifications and you have not kept your eyes on the prize: your utmost potential. You’ll come to a general realization that you have been keeping yourself put for quite a long stretch. And you’ll ask yourself why then the only choice left is move yourself. You can actually accelerate this process through writing and writing self forgiveness. You don’t have to wait for reality to force your hand.

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m intrigued by the myriad ways people justify their own limitations, and I’m intrigued by readers that do not write as a result of my blogs. I’m constantly fiddling inside the black box until I get a response.

I didn’t want to admit it to myself at the time, but all the focus in sports and other activities was a cry for help, it’s too bad that the help needed was myself. It was a cry for help from the perspective of not understanding the mechanics of reality yet being forced to live in reality with consequence piling up constantly. I wanted to find myself, but in that want I implied that I was not equal to myself. Ridiculous! But unknown is how many people may be walking similar experiences, only the nouns change.

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