Day 98: Learning Desires Continued

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself in relationship to learning, when the only task that ever needs to be done is to work with myself, in considering the decision that I have made for myself alone, so I cannot take ‘no’/’I can’t do this’ as a valid answer from me. I realise the simplicity of giving myself set activities in predetermined time intervals, and to apply this daily, and anything else like how I feel about this is a distraction. I Commit myself to show that simplicity is the answer in that if I stick to the obvious, small, practical, physical changes necessary in my day, one breath at a time = I cannot fail unless I fail myself in giving up or giving into temptations that take me away from living the change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define learning according to some form of modern religion where I would speculate and ponder about learning except for doing it, in spite that I have absolutely NO physical frame of reference/feedback until I do it, and keep on doing it. I realise that the greatest danger in deciding to change is to deny myself physical feedback, and the ONLY way to receive accurate physical feedback is to actually do it, and to see my own weaknesses for what they are and correct them. I commit myself to stop wasting moments avoiding this one point because a moment missed is a moment I must face inevitably and accept all consequences because always: I am the final ‘gate’ in which all decisions are either directed, or accepted and allowed to manifest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that my learning ability is abysmal so I must be ashamed of myself. I Realise that any regret/guilt/shame or the opposite as blame/spite/anger, are just tactics in fact to avoid the single point of taking responsibility. I commit myself to show that taking responsibility has nothing to do with what other people are saying about me because the ONE person that required to realise this is myself alone, and to face myself alone no self judgment or self spite may exist, and there is either self judgment/self spite or none at all. If self judgment and self spite exists: I realise that I am the one sabotaging myself from actually taking responsibility, so if I would like to change my learning ability I must take responsibility and I am the ONE point stopping me from doing so: so the obvious is the answer = stop self judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value learning ability over who I am in each moment of breath, not realising that who I am in each moment of breath determines what consequences I produce when learning. I realise that who I am here, while learning, especially the resistance/conflict I experience when learning, is the point that I require to face as myself not by participating in the resistance/conflict to further aggravate my own negative experience. I Commit myself to show that if I in fact slow down in each moment of breath, and to breathe through the experience while continuing to assert my decision to learn = I will always be able to push through and live change consistently.